Today a kid fake threw a pair of scissors
And in my mind I saw them arching
Gaining speed and stabbing my arm.
I flinched like a frightened animal
And gained the name Scissor *****.
The boys voices echoed in my head
Scissor *****. Scissor *****. Scissor *****.
I wanted to yank up the sleeves of my oversized hoodie
And watch their faces contort with fear and misunderstanding.
I wanted to scream and demand answers.  
“If I was so scared of scissors, how could I
hold one to my arm every night?”
I wanted them to rub their unmarred arms
And witness the crossword puzzle gone wrong
Carved deep in my pale arms.
Alas I shook my head ironically.
Laughing at the thought of me, a nightly cutter,
Being called a Scissor *****.

Dear you,
I want you to come closer
Although I try to push you away
I am awkward
And the awkwardness only keeps growing

The more I have, the more you loose
But the more you have, the more I get
The equation is complicated
I don’t expect you to understand
After all
You never understood me either.

I am there
Beside you and behind you
All you have to do is turn
turn stealthily enough
So I don’t have time to run
I told you
I am awkward
And the awkwardness only grows

I slouch, I *******, I squeak
just like your bedroom door I creak
unopened for centuries
Unheard for decades
Unseen for years
Not because I’m weak but because
I am awkward
And the awkwardness only grows

i live in a pineapple under the sea
or you could say I hide
Hide from you, hide from me
Hide from the rest of the  reality
but I am always there
I always will
For I have to be

Don’t acknowledge me
Validation is not my need
But don’t forget me either
For I have this hidden greed

Never leave your own side
I need to follow
Never  leave my side either
But know
To me,
Ignorance is a bliss
For I am awkward
And the awkwardness only grows

i'm always *****
sure, it's beneath my visible clothes
and yeah, when i'm in the shower
and more or less every time i'm home alone
but there are other times
other whimsical nonsensical times
when i'm fully ****
and nobody even notices
when i'm raw
when i expose any facet of my idiosyncrasies
when i fall
when i suppose i'm in pain purposefully
when i draw
when i paint with a purpose to show my sadness and rage
when i write
when i put words to use in the way conversation betrays
people react to ****** in various levels of extreme
some get aroused
some get repulsed
but nobody seems to appreciate the nakedness of my raw mind
completely exposed
full frontal
appreciate it or just don't look

Maybe one day I’ll write you a book
Something about what everything is about

I won’t file it down like the rest of the world.  
No my book will have all of the rough edges that life has.

The edges that’ll cut you if you don’t watch

Why not soften it up?
Because then it wouldn’t be real
It would just be a fantasy.

And the last time I checked
Life doesn't come with any
Safety precautions.

Instead life comes raw.
So my book to you will be equally undercooked.

Because I love you enough
not to lie.

My only hope is that you can enjoy my gift to you.
As much as the meal its self.