This isn’t profound, really it's profanity.

I’m far from crazy but on the brink of insanity.
I can’t think straight, sometimes, but I can never stop till he stops calling for me.

All of my addictions, yeah they really caught up to me.
Coughin' out what’s written like the words come from God or something.

I don’t know though, really I am lost.


Like in the jungle of my thoughts and the trees keep branching out
and the growth will never stop.
The greenery is beautiful; when it rains it pours.
When it stops raining I start begging him for more,
until I realize the rain is what I need to enjoy the scene.

The seasons are essential in order to dream.

Text--sent 11.14.14 @ 1:22 pm:
You asked me what I miss. I've debated about whether to tell you this or keep it to myself and try to move forward. I've decided to just be completely honest with you. Here's my answer:
I still love you, [K]. I really, truly fell in love with you. I know we weren't together long--it happened fast, but it was real. I have tried to move on, but you're still in my head. I miss the sound of your voice, your cooking, the horses, the way our hands actually fit together. Most of all, though, I miss the way I felt when I was with you. I found a connection with you that is unlike anything I have ever known. I thought that I had been in love before but nothing comes close to the way I felt, and still feel, about you.
I actually hoped that, after seeing you last week, we could give this another try.  
It's become clear, though, that you have moved on. Sometimes the very thing we want more than anything is just not meant to be. It hurts like **** and if I had one wish, I'd wish that you could love me like I love you.
I wish you nothing but happiness, peace, and love. I hope that someday you find yourself at the ocean again. That is, after all, where you thrive.
Take care of yourself, [K], and please send my love to the dogs and the horses. I miss you all.

And the writing begins:
Why not get to know the girl that has the stars in her eyes, the earthy girl who loves to dig her feet into the grass and mud the girl that would be the first to give you a hug or wipe away your tears  if I see you upset and crying. Why not get to know the girl that has loved so deeply even after all of her trials in this life, heartache,  being broken over and over by those that she trusts the most. Left with 60 dollars a backpack and a coat. Not allowed to go home where you wanted to be all t.f hat time but pride takes you away onto that next chapter in your life.. asking the one you never wanted to what should I do. And having to run for your life. Because the ones in it have turned it into a **** show and there was no where out but somewhere you used to call home.
Why not get to know the girl that may not be from where you came from but has had to survive since she was born. Maybe I could have helped you al ok my the way.
I am strength I am a woman who thinks for herself and pleads with herself to let **** go.
I am the child that sees into your soul, and I am a helping hand where ever I am needed. I am the woman that can make you laugh on your darkest days and guide you through your darkest nights into the lights again and again. I am unfiltered and raw. Not the girl you remember because you never got to know her.
I am a warrior through everything through all the late night fights you couldn't hear behind closed doors. I am that broken woman crying in the corner because someone constantly batters her down every day in and out because your just not good enough. I am the woman who makes sure your okay and puts a smile on even though the night before. There was nothing but slamming doors and how much I ****, because everyone else mattered first. I am that girl that takes a paintbrush and paints those memories so deeply branded and trys to heal them through a paint brush. Or through the lines on a sheet of paper reminding myself I am what you have made me.
Now I am the woman who is able to face her biggest fears of being alone and accepting myself knowing I have made mistakes, of hurting those i loved the most because my retaliation of the things that were stated to me over and over again. For I am stubborn.  I am the woman who will comfort a child because they bruised there knees whether you see that in me or not is not my problem. I am emotionally raw and open and unfiltered. I am the she wolf, prideful at most. I am the woman you will never understand. Not because your a bad person but because you will never sit here as a friend nor take the time to understand, it's okay for its who you are I am complicated but because you are a man who doesnt care  to see the best in me. Or the woman who is jealous of me for absolutley no need. I am not a threat unless you make me.  I have the same problems as everyone else. The only difference is I have been alone placed on a shelf dusted off only when people need to use me whether for a recipe, or how I feel to use it against me.
But in time I have  become wise. I have learned to listen to everyone elses woes, the pain they hold inside, I will  walk away before you cause to much strife to yourself. You overthink, I learned not to most nights.
I am ME heartfelt raw emotional affectionate loving and caring kind and real. Protective. A survivor someone who will never kneel. But that's the viking you see. I learned at the end of the day, I am the only one who has my back.. There are a few in my pack.
She wolf  or sheep  
That's up to you
If you want to get to know me
For like a diamond at every angle there is a different side of me. It's up to you which side I will be.
The best part of me being me. Is it is free.
So why not get to know the woman I am for here I  stand in front of you. Waiting for your cue.

I hate that sometimes I am so scared
Of burning out
That I scream to the heavens
To have you back
To have you set me on fire again
The way you used to

And it's because
You gave me a reason
To feel this way
To feel this raw and cold
And without you here
It's just a meaningless pain
On top of
Meaningless pain

But deep down
I know you're cruel
I know you're wicked
And I'm better off
Plastering these walls
With bricks
Built of time
Between us

But god, I'd throw it all away
In an instant
To feel that beautiful anguish
You put me through
One more time