Text--sent 11.14.14 @ 1:22 pm:
You asked me what I miss. I've debated about whether to tell you this or keep it to myself and try to move forward. I've decided to just be completely honest with you. Here's my answer:
I still love you, [K]. I really, truly fell in love with you. I know we weren't together long--it happened fast, but it was real. I have tried to move on, but you're still in my head. I miss the sound of your voice, your cooking, the horses, the way our hands actually fit together. Most of all, though, I miss the way I felt when I was with you. I found a connection with you that is unlike anything I have ever known. I thought that I had been in love before but nothing comes close to the way I felt, and still feel, about you.
I actually hoped that, after seeing you last week, we could give this another try.
It's become clear, though, that you have moved on. Sometimes the very thing we want more than anything is just not meant to be. It hurts like **** and if I had one wish, I'd wish that you could love me like I love you.
I wish you nothing but happiness, peace, and love. I hope that someday you find yourself at the ocean again. That is, after all, where you thrive.
Take care of yourself, [K], and please send my love to the dogs and the horses. I miss you all.
this is what love looks like, in the aftermath of one last hope to start again. i never received a response to that text.
it took a long time, but gradually, i let go of him.
i chose to stop ruminating and foolishly hoping. i took My power back.
i crafted a barn wood shadow box, placed him inside, ****** in a jagged breath, and buried him.