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Katelyn Billat Jul 2020
4 am
And the fog blankets the lake.
Critters wake
Crickets chirp
And fawns are alert.
On the surface,
A turtle's head
Emerges from the stillness.
The smooth reflection of
Moonlight is disrupted
As four wild youths
Run to the water.
This is where we belong.
Katelyn Billat Jul 2018
Passenger seat.
Windows down.
Sun in my eyes.
Love sits on my left.
And there's trust
In the breeze.
We create little expeditions,
Until the real freedom comes.
Adventure glints in both set of eyes,
And we long for that day
When the world is completely ours.
As for now,
We walk on the edge of the limits,
Trespassing sometimes.
The wind blows through our hair
The sun gleams in our curious eyes.
One day we will never be apart.
One day adventure will have no limits.
I try not to complain,
For the adventure will always be there,
Paitiently waiting for us.
Katelyn Billat Apr 2020
When my eyes met yours,
It felt like a million light years
Until our gazes escaped each others.
It was only a fraction of a second
And it was torture.
Katelyn Billat Oct 2017
I've always been different
A rare breed of human
An odd occurrence to those
Who have known me

Some sort of blessing
To anyone
Brave enough to love me
And the greatest loss
To those who didn't
Deserve to keep me

R.h. Sin
This came from the book "rest in the mourning" by r.h. sin. I just really loved this poem so I wanted to share it.
Katelyn Billat May 2018
Lazy Sundays on my porch.
A cup of lemon ginger tea on the table,
A novel in my left hand.
My legs lay crossed, up on the rail
While the birds sing their verses
And the flowers sway in the breeze,
Releasing their fragrance
For my nose to enjoy.
Two bumble bees hum
through the bushes.
My mind wanders,
Perhaps they are friends?
Wishing this could be my life.
Katelyn Billat Oct 2017
I've always been a bird,
Trapped in my little cage.
It's dark and cramped in here,
It feels as though I'm suffocating

I watch the free birds from
Behind my metal bars.

I dream of the day my capturers
Set me free.
The day I may spread my wings.
The day I may fly with the wild ones.

I have the power to break out,
But I'm afraid of the consequences.
All my life I've been told how to live.
To sit and be a nice bird.

I'm getting restless.
I'm getting peckish.

I want to break out,
I have the power.
But I'm so afraid that
My wings won't work anymore,
From the lack of experience.

I'm so afraid that the wild birds
Won't see me as their own.
I don't know how to fit in.
This, my capturers have not taught,
Only how to sit and be a nice bird.
Do what I'm told, what is expected of me.

Well I'm getting peckish.

I want to fly.
Katelyn Billat Nov 2017
I grabbed at my chest,
Wanting to rip out my lungs
as they suffocated my heart.

I originally thought you
poisoned my heart but
Maybe your
Apple pie
Maple syrup
Cinnamon
Fragrance
Corrupted my lungs and
Turned them evil.

They squeeze together and
Dis-form  themselves just to hurt
My heart.

I cant breath when I think of you,
No, not in a good way.
Katelyn Billat Sep 2019
As the man on screen aims
His rifle towards the zombie's head,
I picture myself holding the pistol
To mine.
Tighten my finger over the cold trigger.
Pop
The popcorn in my microwave
And dust on the shelves
Are all that hits my ear.

I'm fighting the zombie.
The sunken eyed ghoul that
Haunts my mirror.
Doesn't really mean anything. Just wanted to write about something.
Katelyn Billat Oct 2017
Its name is sadness.
Violent sadness.
It's creeping up again
It is giving me anxiety
Because I don't want it
To crawl in my skin
Again and be comfortable.
With the anxiety brings depression.
It's always been there,
Never completely going away.
But I can ignore and it slows,
Grows smaller everytime
I smile and laugh.
But every time someone leaves
Me for someone shinier,
The sadness spreads like wild fire,
Like the mold on strawberries
I cannot eat.
I wish I was born thin like her,
Perfect like her,
Golden like her,
The one who steals them away.
As I watch the monster crawling
Towards me,
I analyze it.
I watch the way it moves slow,
Trying to not be discovered
Like the way I do.
It moves swiftly,
Not in pulses.
I watch it creep,
Pulling itself from
Whatever depths it came,
Like the way I do.
And that's the scariest part.
I watch it's iridescent
Nails crawl closer.
It has a diamond ring.
...
So do I.
Katelyn Billat Jul 2018
I was making my way down
The highway,
Cornfields on both sides of me.
The moon shined even though
It was still day time.
The sky was a light lavender shade
That oozed into a faded blue
Twilight, you could say.
I caught a glimpse of a doe
And her baby
Walking through the endless field.
My mind wandered.
Where did they come from?
Perhaps they came from
Deep in the woods,
Where the birds sang
And the creek bubbles,
The sun seeps through the trees.
Perhaps all the animals got along,
Or maybe,
They came from an open field,
Maybe they had a family,
A buck, a herd,
Possibly even a few more fawns.
Maybe something drove them from there.
Maybe a gun,
Maybe a predator,
Maybe weather.
My mind wandered more,
Where were they going?
Were they looking for somewhere safe?
Or were they only trying to survive?
I wished I could see more of their journey.
I wanted to root them on.
Keep living!
Keep fighting!
Where ever you're off to, keep going!
Then the moment passed,
They were long out of my sight.
I hope they are still alright.
I hope they were alright.
Katelyn Billat Feb 2018
Hey there little siren,
Somewhere between girl and woman.
How you play,
Swim with the current,
And sing to those boys.
Honey, that bright smile could ****.
You'll be a heartbreaker someday.
Literally.
Those eyes could peirce men's souls,
But be careful
Don't play too hard
Mother always said don't play with
Your food.
Katelyn Billat Oct 2017
I went to the bottom
Of your Instagram
Today.
Two years ago.

I looked at the
Black and White picture
You took of me
On the Ferris Wheel.

All I could think was,
Poor girl, Foolish girl,
Stop that smiling like you love him,
He's going to shatter you.
Katelyn Billat May 2019
The world is tired.
All the creatures fight for
Their right to live,
Their God-given right
To stay extant.
We've said goodbye to
So many wonderful creatures,
All due to the human hand.
We are a filthy race,
Full of greed,
Pollution,
And violence.
We were chosen to
Take care of this world,
But instead we destroy it
With our garbage and guns.
History has shown
That we can't figure anything out.
It repeats itself.
Over
                                      And over
And over                            
                                                            And over
  and over
                                     aNd oVer
    And Over                  
Over
                                     ­ And over
          
             And over
                                                            ­And over
  and over                                                             ­       
                                     aNd oVer
      And over.
Yet we never learn.
Something must change.
It's not all a game.
There is more to life
Than what you
Can get out of it.
If you've ever looked up
At the moon,
Or saw it shining across
Navy blue waters;
If you've ever seen
Sun beams shining through
Trees in the early morning mist;
If you've ever heard the laugh
Of someone you love;
Or felt the life in a mother's
Belly, waiting to see the world
You belong to;
Then you have something to
Fight for.
Fight for our planet to stay alive.
Fight for you to stay alive.
Katelyn Billat Oct 2018
Find your light.
Whether it be from
Millions of stars
On silent country nights,
Or hundreds of City lights.
Whether it be from
The magnificent moon
Reflecting on waves,
Or the warm sun shining
Through leaves.
It may even be the
Person you hold close
To your heart.
Find it.
Lavish in it.
Dream in it.
Katelyn Billat Feb 2018
I used to think I didn't belong anywhere
No
That's a lie
I used to think I didn't belong anywhere
Because I belonged everywhere.
But now I know I do belong somewhere
One specific place in this world.
Because when my hand is on your chest
And your finger tips are
Tracing my arm, and my back,
Mine running through your hair,
When I can hear your
Heart beat against my ear,
I belong
I belong right there in your arms.
And you darling,
Belong in mine.
Katelyn Billat May 2020
I showed my best friend
A picture of me from years ago.
She told me the light is
Gone from my eyes.
That it looked as though a
Ghost had went through
Me and ripped my spirit out.
In a way, that did happen.
Only you aren't a ghost,
And I still have a spirit,
It's just lost.
Katelyn Billat Nov 2017
She took the joy.
She took him.
She killed me in the process.
My carcass decayed.
I was left for dead
But life began to make
Its way through me again.
Coneflowers sprouted from my ribcage.
Vines began to tangle up my spine.
Lilacs grew through my skull
I was alive again
with new strength and a
Bliss that came from within.
Katelyn Billat Sep 2017
For when he appears,
My lungs fill with flowers 
And for a moment I 
Forget to breathe.



The slumberling caterpillar 
In my stomach
Performs metamorphosis
And flutters around
Trying to break free.



The rivers named veins
Fill and rush to my chest,
To my head and
I forget to think.



For when he smiles,
His eyes come alive,
And I wonder
Does he thinks of me this way.
Katelyn Billat Oct 2017
Never fall in love in autumn.
Hear me again,
I beg you
Never fall in love in autumn.

Take it from me,
I have fallen in love in autumn.
And every time, it left me broken.
It seems every time, the passion dies,
Just like the leaves die and fall.

Maybe that is why another word for
Autumn,
Is fall.
Ironically, I'm telling you
To never fall in love in fall.

Maybe it's inevitable for me,
But I hope I can save you the heartache.
Katelyn Billat May 2019
Sometimes I get caught
In a thought.
Humanity.
I see all these humans,
In the lives they
Ought to bloom in.
Often I'll get a glimpse.
A lover winks,
A mother sings,
A friend laughs.
and in between their breaths,
A sigh.
In the space between
Where words can't be seen,
There is always a deeper sadness.
I think everyone is tired.
You can see the weariness in
Cracks on aged skin.
You can see the desperate
Grasps of youth
Trying to find their purpose
Before it's too late.
Time moves fast.
But who is to say that we can't
Make the most of it?
It is true,
You can close the lid of
Your eye
And in a mere blink,
Years have gone by.
Don't waste it.
Live the best life you can,
Full of laughs, love, and excitement.
Don't dwell on things too hard.
For in a second,
It'll all be gone.
And you'll wonder
Where the time went.
Katelyn Billat Mar 2018
There are oceans,
In which the waves
Pull me in.
In them I see life,
Glowing,
Growing,
Rippling.
Sea creatures live
Inside the details
The deep crevices
Of blue and green speckles.
They breathe life into me
As I drown in the tide.
In your eyes I see my reflection.
I see
Indescribable love
As vast as the ocean they resemble.
Katelyn Billat Oct 2017
I want to smile for once,
So I pick up the sharp blade
And carve it deeper into my cheeks.
As the blood trails over my chin and jaw,
runs down my neck,
Finally, I'm smiling.
Katelyn Billat Oct 2017
It's been five days
Since I've had a proper meal.
I won't eat. 
Those three words don't mean 
I won't eat at all,
Only enough so I don't die. 
I eat a bowl of fruit and a sandwich everyday. 
Lots of beverages! 
Don't forget!
I've learned to like the feeling of my empty stomach. 
I am now conscious of the feeling of my bones. 
It's been five days since I have had a proper meal. 
Weird how in so little time I'm already feeling thin. 
I don't look different I know, but I feel different. 
I know it's not healthy but maybe one more day. 
One more day and you might like me. 
One more day and you might like me the way you like her. 
The tall thin one. 
I won't eat
Because you didn't know how much it killed me when you looked at her the way I looked at you. 
Maybe next time you see me you'll ask, "how did you do it? What happened?"
 And I will simply reply,
I won't eat.
This was written a few months ago, it's irrelevant now, at least for me.
Katelyn Billat Nov 2019
There's something about
The crisp air of autumn.
Taking it into your lungs,
And letting it out
As a cloud of breath
Escapes your lips
And disappears
Into the trees.
The only sounds are
Of the leaves that have fallen,
Crunching beneath your feet.
Perhaps it's lovely to let things go.
Katelyn Billat Dec 2017
A free ocean mind
With piercing siren eyes
Beach golden locks
A sunset soul
Katelyn Billat Dec 2017
It was a cold dark night.
The moon hung bright
In the starry eternal sky.

It was a night I
Would usually be afraid of,
But as we shivered on the dock,
Surrounded by the shimmering water,
I was at ease.
In your arms I felt peace.
Katelyn Billat Apr 2020
Months ago,
I would sneak out to his car
And we would drive for hours
Under the night sky.

Honest conversations would erupt.
Once I told him that
I hoped to trip into love,
Not seeing it coming.
Fall over it stumbling.

I would shiver when
The engine shut off.
Our warm bodies
Would become close,
In his backseat beneath
His heavy blanket.

Sometimes I would become so cold
That he would let me
Wrap myself in the blanket.
My head would lay in his warm lap.

His hands would warm my cheeks,
His fingers tracing,
Drawing shapes on my skin
And brush through my hair.
I could always feel his eyes on me,
As I drifted to a dream land.

I would stumble to
The front door in the morning
With frizzy hair and
Wrinkled clothes.
My father would be waiting,
Toes tapping
And arms crossed.

One night he told me I was beautiful.
I blushed and giggled,
Then he told me I was stumbling.

On a Saturday, his car slid on the ice
With me in the passengers seat
I hope when he sees those dents
And crushed light he thinks of me.

He smashed his car,
Oh what a coincidence.
It was a car accident
And I accidentally tripped,
And my heart broke.

Despite,
I would give anything
For a car ride with him.
Katelyn Billat Mar 2018
Darkness
It flows over me
Like shadows
Over the sun

My back
It hurts
Like really bad
Ow
Like seriously
Ow
-Chase Witwiki
Just a little poem my friend wrote on a whim
Katelyn Billat Sep 2017
My limbs are holding on by a string.
They just dangle there unable
To make their presence known.
Or even be helpful to my broken body.

My eyes are blurry with tears
and sunken in. I am unable to see anymore.
All my vision brings me are blurry images
Of the Evil world I once new and belonged to.

My hair is disintegrating.
The strands still left are a dull grey.
They serve no purpose to me anymore.
But still I leave it down on my shoulders.

My lips are a bright pink.
They are my everything.
They reveal the lovely white teeth
waiting to be found.

My lips are the key to my happiness. 
The key to my purpose.
They release the words that no one else can say.
The words no one else dare to speak.

My lips are my anchor to this world.
I speak about everything.
I release my wisdom like droplets of water
in a running faucet. 

My lips are my World.
My lips are my Happiness.
My lips are my Pride.
My lips are my Everything.
Katelyn Billat Nov 2017
I have this dream
In my mind,
That I will leave
This town with the one.

We will head west,
We will stop everywhere
And anywhere.
Take our time.

Live.

We will spend hours
In endless flower beds
In mossy forests
In crystal clear waters

We will drive and
Listen to every type
Of song,
New and known.

Yes, there will be arguments.
Nothing is perfection,
But I believe we will come close.

As the wind rushes
through our hair
We will be free,
And full of forgiveness.

We will visit new towns,
Make legendary memories.
Watch the lights of skyscrapers
As one by one, they go out.

Visit vintage diners
On the side of the road,
Learn everything
about each other.

For wanderlust has filled me,
And I dream
That we will be nomads
One day.
Katelyn Billat Apr 2018
Strong women
Are built through years
Of pain.
It is the pain in which
They suffer through
That makes them beautiful.
Her soul full of wisdom and strength,
Has come home.
She is an art piece
Finally
With
. . .
Peace
Rest in peace Grandma
Katelyn Billat Sep 2017
Everything is empty.

The room in my mansion of a mind where I used to keep you, and everything you were to me is empty. It's a cold dark void that echoes the memories whenever I open the door. The smell; no, stench; no, fragrance of you is burned into the floor. Maybe if I lay on my stomach and scratch at the wood I can smell it once more.



The walls are a light brown, the color of your eyes. When I open the curtains and the light shines in, the walls magically turn green, and blue, and yellow and all sorts of browns. But wait, no there is no more curtains blocking out the sun. I shouldn't think of these things. I'm conjuring up the dusty curtains that are rotting in the basement. They are replaced by the wood panels that I nailed into wall, so angery that my fist bled. Because I was not using a hammer, no you took that when you left. I had to compromise and use the hands that you held onto, oh, god no, more happy horrible memories.



I remember you were not holding onto my hands you were letting me tangle mine in yours so that i couldnt get out. All you had to do was slip your hand away to leave. But in order for you to do that, you would have to bend and break my fingers, loosening the vise they made. And thats exactly what you did that night when you were not thinking of me.



When you were thinking of her. When you were building a room in her mansion that was much brighter, bigger, and shinier than mine.  Those nights when we laid in your room, you were slowly packing your things and I didn't notice until the furniture disappeared. I begged you to stay. I begged you to not think of her the way you thought of me. You told me you never in a million years would. You told me you loved me. But you said that to her as well.    



I suppose the room is not empty at all. Physically, it shows me nothing but the remains of our relationship, cold and bordered up; gone. But the memories echo and bounce around the walls and seep from the floors.  The room is empty but the memories fill it up.
Katelyn Billat Oct 2018
Take me somewhere,
Anywhere,
Better than this.
I'm ready to go.
I'm ready to run.
I've got the scissors
To clip my leash.
I've got the key to
My cage.
I'm ready to pack
My past
And set my sights
On the future.
I'm ready to live
For now.
I'm ready for the freedom.
Let me run.
Take me somewhere,
Anywhere,
Better than this.
Katelyn Billat Oct 2018
The wind whispers,
Calls to me.
The trees stretch their limbs,
Wanting me entangled with them.
The grass grabs at my toes,
And raindrops kiss my skin.
What do I choose?
Do I stay with my fellow humans,
Where I was designed to be?
Or do I fall into nature,
With where I so desperately
Want to be?
Katelyn Billat Jan 2018
I watch the dust particles,
floating in the glow of
The computer screen.
My eyes focus on one until it
Gets lost in the darkness.
Perhaps they land on my eyelashes.

"Do the work,"
I tell myself
"Just write down the stupid answers,
Just half-*** it like you always do."

My mind is in constant battle
With my body.
I know all the things I need to do,
Yet my body will not cooperate.

"Just do something!"

I tell myself this as I
Stare at nothing,
At air,
Like some insane
Catatonic person.
Katelyn Billat Feb 2020
I think of the nights in your car.
Watching the stars.
I pointed out the ones that fell,
While you watched me from the driver's seat.
One night I saw three,
Set ablaze by gravity.
I silently wished upon them
For it to always be that way.
You telling me such sweet things.
Making me feel wanted and understood.
Sliding your hands through my hair.
Fingertips dancing across my skin.
You didn't pay attention to
The falling rocks,
You watched as my heart fell
From the sky and right onto your lap.
You were the one person
That made the world disappear.
Now we're strangers.
You've hurt me like I've done to others.
Past pain floods in my ribs.
I suppose the tears
Are just the ones I owe.
Katelyn Billat Oct 2017
Our love was beautiful,

innocent and sweet. 

Like flower buds on a tree, seeing the sun for the first time.   

It grew into fresh fruit, refreshing everyone who encountered it.

Then autum came and our fruit dropped to the ground, taking the leaves with it. 

Although it was a sign of death, I still found it beautiful.

We were breath taking.

Our love flowed like rivers and streams hidden deep in the forest. 

Then the cold came, and she came. 

We lost our spark. You spent more time with her, and allowed her to burrow her way into our tree.

Slowly, she took our nutrition and ripped the roots out from under us.  

She froze the remains of us and eventually we died.

Then you grew a new tree with her, using our dead fruit and leaves as nutrients.

Now a new frost has spread and this new winter has killed your tree with her.

This cycle will remain until you have learned how to shelter your tree from the cold. 

But the saddest part is that our tree was not grown from the cold that killed the leaves in which your trees now grow.

Our love was sprouted from the sun, it was fresh and new, and innocent.
Katelyn Billat Sep 2017
I always lived in the moment, got lost in it.
 I didn’t think of the future,
 I got lost in your eyes.
Hypnotized by them,
By your voice, your laugh,
 Now you’re gone because “it wasn’t going anywhere.”
 I cried for days, for nights.
 The sight of you brings an ache to my heart.
 I was truly lost in this world
 And trapped inside my dangerous thoughts
 That you always made me forget.
 Now I can’t stop thinking.
 Your smile that warmed my heart.
 Your laugh that made me feel alive.
 Your light brown eyes
 That sometimes magically changed color.
 Their happiness.
 Thinking of how happy you are with her.
 At least that’s what I’m told.
How you don’t know
 The pain I feel for you.
How you don’t care if I see the light.
Thinking of how you don’t care.
 Thinking of the memories you threw away
 And how I picked them out of the trash,
 Too afraid to let them go.
Katelyn Billat Mar 2018
I have been given
The eyes that
See the world so
Differently than others.
But not blessed
The tongue to
Describe how I experience.
It's almost as if
I see things
Through a lense,
Almost seems as
If life is a beautiful film.
Maybe there is a glitch
In my head.
I see beauty in
The simplest things.
I can see the beauty in
Earth's most
Magnificent creations,
To the point
Where it's almost
Spiritual.
I can feel magic
When my skin
Touches the earth
And the breeze blows
Gently against my body,
Flowing through every
Strand of hair.
I feel extreme bliss
When the sun warms
The surface and
Rain cools it.
When I feel
Mud
Sand
Grass
Moss
Stone
Under my feet,
I feel complete.
I can feel magic
When I'm dancing
In creeks
And
Swimming in natural water.
Swimming.
Beautiful swimming.
When I'm emerged in the water,
I feel free.
The closest I'll ever get to flying.
I can even feel
The magic through my eyes,
As though my eyes
Drink up sights and
Relish in them.
This is a blessing I know,
For I find joy
I've never felt before
When I'm with nature.
This is also a curse,
For I cannot share
It with anyone.
Maybe someone feels
A similar way,
But I don't think anyone truly experiences the same as me.
No one can feel the
Extreme pleasure of
The world the same way I can.
I can't even explain
Well enough for
Anyone to understand.
And this brings me deep sadness.
This doesn't completely cover it. But I tried.
Katelyn Billat Dec 2018
I will accept this loss
As I know it will bring
Prosperity in the future.
For I am a queen in training,
And I know what is best for
My kingdom.
If that means losing you,
And hurting for a little while,
I'll take that on a silver platter.
I've gone through worse things,
And I've learned how to
Pick myself up out of the
Rubble of these castle walls.
I've rebuilt every part of
It with my own two hands.
So when you try to break me down,
Remember that I am a future queen.
I can't be torn down anymore.
Nothing you can do
Can hurt me.
I am untouchable.
Katelyn Billat Feb 2018
My first kiss,
Was a rush of equanimity,
A realization,
It was not the thing
Of fairy tales
But the tranquility of the moment,
Had made it perfect.
Somehow,
I knew exactly what to do.
I was not dumb founded at all.
The way our lips locked
And locked again. . .
And again. . .
Was like the world had stopped
Nothing else mattered but you
And me
And you
And you.
Katelyn Billat Feb 2020
It's been dark lately.

There's an object laying
In a small lavender box,
Behind a picture on my bookshelf.
It hasn't been touched in years.
Its been calling to me.
Pretending to be a siren,
Silver and shiny,
Longing for my blood to drip on it.
Singing that it's the only solution.

It's been very dark lately.
I'm terrified.
Katelyn Billat Oct 2017
What is love?

Is love the blue sky 
on a summer morning?

Is love the cool rain 
on a hot day?

Is love the fresh white snow
in December?

or is it the color full leaves 
that fall every fall?

no my dear,
love is none of those things.

love is swimming
in the most beautiful spring,
but then drowning
in the deepest sea.

love is flying high
in the whitest of clouds,
But then being struck down
by the loudest lightning.

​​​​​Love is a red rose
That ****** your finger
As soon as you touch it.

Love is not something pretty
That you see everyday.
Love is something rare 
That comes every once in awhile.

It is something that
Makes you feel alive.
But as soon as you
get comfortable with it
It breaks you down,
It kills you, and it leaves you.

Then you get comfortable
living without it
Until it comes again.
Katelyn Billat Dec 2017
The trees were iced over, gleaming white.
They lined the railroad
As if the tracks were a red carpet
Awaiting royal steps.
Suddenly we appeared in the frosty scene,
Like children exploring our world.
The trees watched on silent,
yearning for a reaction.
Maybe he could be their king.
Oh, maybe I could be their queen.
Katelyn Billat Feb 2018
Orange faded into a dull blue
In the winter sky.
Behind the houses,
It blazed bright
Only visible on the
Very tops of trees.
It looked as though
The end of the branches,
Reaching towards the sky,
Were on fire.
The iced twigs glowed
With a vibrant orange
Setting the neighborhood
On fire,
And my mind ablaze.
Katelyn Billat Oct 2017
Don't you see?
She never loved you
As where I,
If given the chance,
Would love you with
All my being,
And it would be epic.

— The End —