Walking into first period I am a 12-year-old girl again,
Confidence turned into racing heartbeats and jumbled words.
Imaginary conversations fill my head with possibilities but nothing ever seems to escape my lips but a timid smile.
I trash my spearmint gum and begin walking back to my seat, the teacher has only just begun talking.
I take three steps before daring to look up,
by the fourth I see blue out of my peripheral...
You are looking at me.
The fifth step, I am looking at you.
And for the entirety of that second all the other faces of the room blurred and I swear the history lesson took a pause for the present and there was solely that simple look to be shared.
A look I have found to be all too familiar but yet it never comes enough to be able to fully decipher it.
It is a look of timid desire.
It is a look of fire and ice, of two elements of opposite worlds colliding.
It is a look of earth and water.
A sly romance which everyone sees but no one knows.
Water hits the shore and I am chocolate melting, I am soil eroding.
I am the tree's branches bending under the misty wind.
I am the earthquake that causes the hurricane, the tsunami.
Yet you are calm like the tranquil sea.
Your eyes the color of the shallow water on a southern beach just before the break of a gentle wave at shore in the first hour of sunrise.
I think of you, and there are butterflies.
I look at you, and they rest.
We both simultaneously break our glance as I turn to my seat.
Oh, how I wish you were sitting next to me.
Like fireworks that lit the sky one December night,they were two people that touched for only a brief moment and they burned and burned until there was nothing but cinders in their eyes.
Both were fires that burned to light the way for one another.
Maybe they just burned too bright and time moved too fast,
Maybe she was his anchor, she kept him tethered, kept him there,steady and unable to move forward.
The world may never know, except for this:
"They" were as fleeting as time and their ephemeral words made it evident that both of them couldn't stay forever because even the brightest of lights die out—sometimes,far more early than others.
They weren't just fireworks—I know that now— each of them were forest fires and they burn for the other to provide warmth and light,oblivious to the destruction that they make.
They were forest fires.
And now all they are is rain and tears, drowning in an ocean of memories.
And as I write this,I can't help but think that in some ways this wasn't just the story of them,it was our story too: the story of us that never was and never will be.
that i've been sending these weeks to its dear without its gear right to your home
the coffee you made after rains gets lost sense
nothing's really wrong with the coffee,
but my tongue does
that i've been wasting my slice of life as a counterfeit with your bona fide lies
that i've been wondering why i left my soul without its middle sun
just to darken my eyes
that i've been entwining the sky to vomit its color
but dear my dusks are not the same anymore,
that my leg is shaking-hard as its catastrophe,
seek refuge amongst the disaster land,
that makes me afraid of sleep before it brings me to the night
good nights, good nights.
the highest point of my reckless body with shattered lung,
its all my fault, nor, maybe, ours
in a very distant past you threw those words without its prove,
me aimed forms without its words
that i'm not crying again,
that i'm bleeding seek for your revenge
the secret is,
it just me which too skinny about this feeling,
you too small to reply for my good morning's
dear, how was your mornings went?
how was your days went?
how was your evenings went?
how was your nights went?
I watched as our future crashed before my eyes,pieces of you that I so carefully carved,falling on the floor,breaking themselves even more.It was just an idea,something that I invested what was left of my being,in and it took such simple words to shatter the illusion.I woke from my reverie,the truth flashing itself before me as I felt a searing pain in my belly.The butterflies are being poisoned again,they lay twitching in the cinder graves of those who came before them."It's not that different, after all",I whispered to myself as I walked away.I untangled myself from the dream, swam my way up the surface and finally breathed again.I will not allow myself to drown in these waters anymore,in the sea of thoughts of you,in the oceans that the world never fails to put between us.I stood in the open,listening to the howling of the winds,waiting for yet another hurricane to sweep me away and tear at my limbs.This is the calm before the storm.For now,I will firmly stand my ground as I face the coming disaster and tell myself with a little bitterness and pain that maybe,when I'm finally continents away I will find a reason that might grant me peace so I won't live my whole life regretting the idea of you.
There's certain a rush in my veins
When I see your face as it lights up
With bliss and content
While we come together
Face to face
Against a world real pressed
With tears and lies and torment.
The idea of you, just you
Is enough to becalm
The raging ocean of emotions
That has long run wild
In the sketchy corners of my mind
Our destiny, such uncertainty
But amidst it all, you're my sanity.
You showed me truth, my fears subside
You painted my blues with a shade of life
My loneliness, I can perfectly fight
With you right here, nothing's mystified
This is the reality we are facing now
Branded feelings, shall we allow?
We kept each other standing tall
We were there together in every fall
Yes, we could be the perfect match
That the whole world shall have to adore
Afraid, we may seem, but we both know
Keep hiding the truth, but our eyes plainly show.
I don't want to dance into the music before he grooves in harmony
I'm trying to keep my notes low before he realizes the perfect melody,
I try my hardest not to speak of rhymes before he makes up his poetry
I don't want to be the first to fall before he gives in to gravity.
I'm hiding the smiles he gave me, the sparks that fill my eyes
I'm keeping away the tingles, from your stares that totally entice,
I would not want to be the first to have my poor heart racing
I don't want to be the first to realize and slowly get the feeling.
I may have had a bad day, but you just turn it upside down
I may have frowned all day long, but you happen to be my clown
I may have hurt myself in the past, but you simply showed me how
To leave the painful mem'ries behind and finally cherish the 'now'.
For many times, I've been in scenes where the characters hurt me so
I have felt an endless rolling of tears from my eyes so long ago
And taking a chance and risking it again might sound a scary show
But though I don't want to be the first to fall, please don't let me go.
You helped me up, you brought life back, you kept me standing tall
Yes, I don't want to be the first to fall, but I'm not scared at all.
Two souls that were meant to be.
Spent their time searching for their other halves.
Two souls that were blind to see.
Blindness split them into two separate parts.
Their memories stuck in each other's minds.
Sadness evident in their eyes.
The thought about each other made their minds ran wild.
How they wish they could go back in time.
Two souls that suffered in pain.
Regretting why'd they let each other slip away.
Two souls that want to try again
Hoping that they're not too late.
We live in parallel worlds,
you on your journey and I on mine.
We wander in our own routes
in separate paths.
So why do your words elate me?
Your messages are like threads
connecting points in my journey to yours.
We are pinging signals across boundaries.
Making sure we are travelling along the same orbit?
Side by side, and you’re still with me?
Does that assure you or me?
Because though parallels walk side by side
they’ll never meet.