across the way
last night's rain puddles
amidst the chaos of construction
as if abandoned by the waters of earth
it erodes its way to the culvert
in search of mother sea
this day begins dewy and crisp
bird songs echo empty sunrise streets
lover and beloved
we sit by the morning window
with tea and curiosity.
for this moment
our souls spill
one into the other
until I am distracted
your lips continue sculpting words
but I've fallen
deep into your eyes
rob kistner © 2007
In this piece I used “puddles” as a verb, to give life and animation to the water.
Being an “alive entity”, the water’s instinctive search and need for its “natural place” in the world, draws a strong parallel to the lover, instinctively seeking a natural place in the beloved’s eyes (to be interpreted as soul also).
The lover is naturally drawn in as the water is naturally drawn to the sea.
I felt the poem worked better with the “day” being the subject. It allows you to enjoy the day in an active way, as is the lover looking out the window.
Also, this way, the imagery leads you unsuspectingly to the couple,
rather than it being an observation beginning with the lover.
In a cinematic perspective, this would be a rising shot, continually rising,
starting from a closeup of the water puddling on the construction site.
Then up, and pull-back, to a wide-angle fly-over of the street,
eventually picking out the window, then a slow, deliderate decent,
to just outside the window, looking in at the couple, then slowly in
through the window. Ultimately, the scene becomes engaged with the couple in conversation. Then ever so slowly we move into the beloved’s azure eyes.
Soundtrack: the obvious natural sounds of morning birds, blended with
the industrious sounds of. construction. slowly fading in is the gentle,
but obscure sound of lovers, comversing, maybe a warm subdued laugh.
As the camera draws closer to the window, the sounds of construction,
and the birds songs, begin to fade, while the sound of the lover's obscure conversation holds steady in volume, but begins to be overtaken
by slowly rising, modest tempo acoustic music. As the camera pulls in on
The lover's eyes, all that remains is the music, until all fades to black
with the resonance of a single harmonic chord, plucked on a pair of strings.