Willow 1d
It's funny how when you were younger, you would say in your mind,"I would never do that." Here I am doing all the things I said I wouldn't do, self harm, anorexia, suicidal thoughts.
Willow 2d
You took my childhood, you matured me too young.
I looked for you in other people, but I never found you.
You bruised and broke my heart.
My tiny little heart.
You made me want to die at the age of 8, you made me hate my body at the age of 10.
You made me attempt suicide at the age of 11.
You made me cut at the age of 12.
You made me anorexic at the age of 13.
You made me believe that I am worthless because even my father didn't love me.
You made me believe that I could and never would find love.
You made me believe that happiness was a joke.
Leaves, sticks, and seeds make up this six foot stalk.
Oh, how she blooms before the flashing lights!
Leaving men and women with a stunned gawk.
Oh, you cause the seeds of your kind at night,
to dream of heights they won't reach; how sadly
try the delusional. But in all kin,
is imprinted a faint scar on their psyches.
Sacrificial offer in porcelain
is ritually performed by some daily.
If not for fame, glory, or money, then
to mirror fashion people's ideal beauty.
A cyclic mental disease that won't end.
Shhh.. Here she comes! The first, but not the least.
An appetizer for the famine feast!
Willow 3d
The feeling of my head feeling like it's going to explode, I used to thank God so it would be easier not to eat.
The feeling of water going down an empty stomach, like a cold sensation going down an empty well.
Seeing the weight drop every day, I felt like I finally didn't fail at something but little did I know I was failing my body.
Death is what I crave from time to time, when I see the fat on my body.
I look and think the amount is ungodly.
I want to be thinner so I skip all my dinners ‘til I become lightheaded and weak, but if you ask me I won’t say,  because I thinner body I seek.
Plagued by a disease that has no exact source
slowly spreading
feeding of its host
yet there is no visible proof
these scars the only evidence of this broken mind
the rapid shrinking and expanding
of this body merely a physical manifestation
of illogical thoughts
driven by both perfection
and the desire to completely self-destruct

Unable to truly live yet unable to die
Sonali Jul 11
I starve my body in hopes
it'll nourish my mind
I toy with the idea
that I could feel any emptier as I skip meals
and stick a toothbrush down my throat

When I sit in front of the toilet
I wonder
If I was so small
I disappeared
How long would you mourn me for?
March 29, 2018
Joy Jul 8
The siren.
Inviting,
Promising.
Ensuring happiness.
Guaranteeing joy.
Not until she traps you do you wish escape.
Not from what she promised, but from the pain she brought you.
But you've made a home for yourself here.
You've gotten comfortable in the habits she's given you.
But every time she comes to visit, something in your gut screams at you to escape.
No, literally. Your gut. Your stomach. Your intestines.
Your entire body becomes exhausted from chasing her promises.
Now, you've forgotten who you were before she trapped you.
You try and try for what feels like years to escape.
And finally you succeed.
You've successfully escaped the place you call home.
After time and time of being lured back to home, I've come to learn this sirens name.
She is what she does to people. To me.
Forces me to control what I eat.
Makes me second guess myself.
Track everything I eat and drink.
Make me guilty for eating something she doesn't like.
I won't bore you with more grim details, just know,
She has sisters.
Please, don't make the mistake of trusting their promises.
You never truly recover from an eating disorder. They stick with you. They try to lure you back in when you’re at your most vulnerable state.
Marloes Jul 5
Late in the morning, I get out of bed
Feeling dizzy in my head
I look in the mirror and see what is me
How can that be?
I look like a fat swine
But truly, I'm fine

My stomach makes the sound of thunder
What a horrible blunder
I see everyone staring
The problem's not what I am wearing
Don't look at me
I'm just thirsty, I'm not hungry

I'm starting to see double
It's not going to be trouble
I continue my day
But faint, are you okay?
I wake up looking beaten
Don't worry, I've eaten

These are the lies I tell
and every day I excel
I tell them because I want to succeed
Even though I know it's not what I need
I ignore everyone's worries
But someone help me, please
Juno Jul 2
Why is it
That I am at my most creative
When I am in the most pain
That I produce as I labour over the emotional debt I've been building up for one too many years.
That is unfair.
Why is it that
All these tortured teenage girls
Cannot sleep
Cannot eat
Cannot drink
But can choke
Choke on the pain like they choke on the vodka they will become addicted to
Cough up their lungs because of the drugs their parents told them not to take
Shudder as their legs are pried open by fingers that do not belong
Fingers that are attached to those you thought that you could trust
Cry, in the shower
So nobody can hear you
See you
Feel you
Taste you
Breathe you.
Build it up and up and up
And you are untouchable
Nobody can tell you
It'll all be okay
Because it is not and never will be.
The anti depressants you were prescribed can numb the pain
But not eliminate it
It will always buzz on the back of your brain
Like a bee flying into the cold glass of a window
Again and again.
You are trapped.
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