The first time you put the blade
To your beautifully clean unscarred skin
You'll be too sad to feel the pain
Like your mental pain will outweigh the physical
You'll bleed
But all you'll feel is a wave of calm
Then you'll go to sleep
On a tear-soaked pillow and blood-soaked bed
The next day at school
You'll get the
‘are you okay?’
And you'll repeat
‘I'm fine.’
But when you get home
You'll mark your now
Beautifully marked and scarred skin again
But this time you'll feel nothing
And wont be satisfied until
You're covered in crimson red ink
Please stay strong no matter what the issue.
jai 2d
you can’t tell me that i don’t hate myself
when i’m upset and the only image in my mind is that of hurting myself
when the constant thought running through my head is me dragging a razor blade over every surface of my body
i feel as though peace will come once i’m covered in a thick dark sticky layer of red
i get intense flashes of self hate
for no reason
anything triggers it honestly
There is no point in living this life unless you find someone or something to love. A person who you would want to spend the rest of your life with or an occupation that you are passionate about.

Ironically, the famous song of Bon Jovi is also true --- too much love will kill you. But maybe, this should be seen from a love recipient's perspective.

We all want to feel loved. Especially when everything else hates you --- like Math, music, or your very own biological family who you live with under one small damn roof --- finding love is really just a lucky event. However, it will soon overwhelm you.

You would think that you do not deserve the joy and happiness that you feel when you are with this person. Soon, you will think that he is too good for you. You might also think, "Why would he even want to spend more time with me when I am such a mentally unstable, emotionally broken, and pitifully toxic bitch?"

Be careful what you wish for. One might not be ready to receive the love that is being given to us. It feels as if it's sucking life and love from this dearest person and you have nothing to give. This person is so full of love and you are full of filth (well, at least you are not nothing). And it feels you with guilt that you can never make the person feel the same. Soon, you would think that he would walk away --- the best person with the kindest heart, the best love of your life, the fucking best --- because you have sucked and licked clean his jar of love and you gave nothing in return. Funny thing is that you don't even ask for him to love you. He just does. And that becomes more painful than ever.

Having that thought in mind makes you just want to leave to prevent the heartache and the burn out which the love of your life will suffer from. But you do not have the strength to break up with him because that kind of blow would be too hard that you would painfully hurt him. It seems as if having him burned out is the better way to "break up" with him because at least you think that it would be his decision to leave. It gives you this sick comfort that he left and you have confirmed your filthy self-concept. You have confirmed how undeserving you are and proved that you are the worst person to be with him.

But, he still stays. He still stays despite all your filth being thrown at his clean self. You have shown most of your darkest thoughts and he still chooses to stay. And it hurts you more because it would now be too hard to break up with him and hurt him because now you care more and this person has become the person who is preventing you to quit life. He is a hindrance between your wrist and that small, sharp blade that will surely deliver what you think you deserve. You clearly still do not have the strength to let him go that quickly (sick selfish wimp).

Now, you are stuck with a dilemma and all you can do is cry your eyes out. It's the only cathartic way that will allow you live another day for him until the day he gives up. It seems chaotic now. Everything else is falling apart this one man stands in the midst --- all clean and smiling --- offering you a nicer future. You are not sure whether to take the hand or the blade.

But, tonight, you take the hand yet you keep the blade in your pocket. Now, you carry it around while you walk with him hand in hand. And now, you just made your situation almost impossible to solve.
"You're slowly killing me."
I whispered before you leave,
But you didn't hear.

Everything was just as it should be-
You and me,
A relationship full of glee.

Dirty little secrets,
Late night conversations,
Questions that come in randomly.

Everything was going well.
No fights, no lies.
No hurts, no broken promises.

But you failed to notice,
Time has been an issue,
You're too busy for me.

"Hey"
"Sorry I got busy, good night"
"Night"

Suddenly we seldom talk
You got tired.
I got tired.

You got tired of me,
I got tired of you,
But why are we still together?

Is it because we're scared of being alone?
Is it because all of our efforts will be put to waste?
Is it because we don't want to see each other with someone new?

Or is it just me?
I know I'm feeling a bit empty,
I know I'm too hard to handle.

Broken.
Sad.
Mad.

I think you're slowly killing me.
Everytime you forget to talk to me.
Everytime you let me wait alone.

You're slowly killing me.
I felt insecure.
I felt like I don't deserve you.

You're slowly but surely killing me.
And for I fact I know.
Soon it'll end.

I am emotionally unstable,
And you know.
But why can't you notice now?

I need you,
You're the reason why I'm still here,
But you're also the reason why I want to die.

"What are you talking about?"
You asked me as I said all those things.
Then you left.

Leaving me broken,
With a blade,
Alone.
Lilly Jun 5
"She does it for attention"
Wrong
Attention is what made me start in the first place
Getting noticed
Coming out
It was all a mistake
This is what happens when the quiet girl tries to change
People talk
"Slut"
"Whore"
"Thot"
They all say this
Attention?
Don't I have enough "attention" focused on me already?
Them noticing me
That is why I started
And my home life isn't much better
Safety
It doesn't exist
Trust
Can only be broken so many times
So I take my blade to my skin
Not for you
Or anyone else
But for me
So I can feel something
Cause you make me numb
So I can get what I deserve
Like you say I should
My promises
Broken
Promises
Or
Empty words that don't mean shit
My life isn't as perfect as my smile tells
So I take the blade
To new places on my body
I'm sorry
But attention is what got me here

--StoryMakerInProgress
Nyx Jun 3

Kill me.
Words calmly exiting my mouth
Staring you dead in the eyes
My feeble form reflected
Within your teary blue eyes

I can see myself
Collapsed on the floor
No strength left in my body
No will left to fight anymore

You're holding it
Firmly in your hand
The sharp edged blade
Its so cold and so smooth

My crimson red blood dripping down
You're standing in horror
Unable to make a sound
Towering above me

The bathroom is silence
As my words echo throughout
You're shaking with such anger
With such confusion and doubt

W h y
You say in the most fragile voice
Its like you're the one breaking
I thought you would rejoice

Because you're the only one who can do it
The only one who can help me


The air around us tightens
Surrounding us with pressure
Its making me breathless
He's the only one who can put me together

I'm staring him down
I'm just a void of emotion
No visible feelings
Its so clear that I'm broken

Kill me.
I repeat
He falls to his knees
He crawls over to me

Holds me within his embrace
Squeezing me tightly
As if I am to disappear
Before whispering quietly

We can get through this
Get through this together


My tears begin to pour
As my mask begins to break
Pain and sadness overwhelms me
All the cuts and scars begin to ache

But I was relieved
As he knew the truth behind what I said
That my desperate plea was for help
Rather then wanting to be dead

He knew
That while I sat there
Holding tightly
onto that blade

That while I was screaming Kill me
He heard the words  Heal me

He knew the true meaning behind all the words that I said
As while I was screaming kill me, He heard the words heal me instead
cait-cait Jun 2
you want to stick it in me ,,

break me
                open
                         so that i leak .

it's boiling hot,
and
you wield a blade
that does not
cut skin .  

but still i bleed ,
and pick each scab .

i will kill you before you ever see me
open ,
          spread,

beg for me.
this is a really vulgar poem but it’s how I feel, I hate sex.
I know this is wrong.
It always is.
They say it’s never the answer but it feels 10x better.
A blade to the wrist watching the blood drip down.
I’d rather feel pain then happiness
Is that psycho? Who knows probably is.

Hopeing to hit an artery. It’s a game of Russian Rulet.
Maybe you will. Maybe you won’t.
Let’s play a game shall we.

                            With love,
                                 Kirsten
There was just the tip on the edge of the blade.
Why is it so easy to see my own death?
The blade across my wrist.
The rope around my neck.
The water in my lungs.
Etc.

It could happen.
Me having another mental breakdown and snapping until maybe oops no air.

I guess we will have to wait and see this time.
I’m not fighting it anymore.

                          With love,
                                 Anonymous
Scares on my wrist and face trying to go back to my empty space.
With life being nothing but death and dispair no wonder for some people it’s this hard to bare.
I lie in wait with a blade in my hand just one more cut I’m sure I can withstand.
Slice slice slice across my petite wrist twice the bleeding It’s okay I insist.
Pouring out blood the emotions dripping down so many tears I hope I don’t drown.
At last the deed is done and this time I think the blade actually won.

                            With love,
                                  Anonymous
With every intention someone will understand
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