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smc Feb 12
I am so tired
of running this race,
from daybreak
Until exhaustion sets in.
Methodically familiar, in seeps the excruciating pain of Aloneness.
The gut-punch of deafening silence,
The searing burn of realization that
I’m in a parking lot
Filled with empty cars
They all have someone, somewhere, to belong.
The only semblance of hope for Relief
Is that an escape is near...
Finally, sleep. Trazodone train to oblivion.
And then another tomorrow...time to run again.
But there’s no one in front of, beside, or behind me, and I don’t know who or what I am running for or towards; I’m just going.
Nowhere.
Is it an addiction to? familiarity of? sickening comfort of?  self-torture of that everyday, endless, dead-end road.
this was all I knew, for thirty years. Survival. Nonstop pressure to be whatever they wanted me to be. Miserable. Tortured. Frantically Trying to find Sally.
Eleanor Feb 6
Mum, there's one thing i don't want you to hear,
it's that food doesn't make me grin from ear to ear,
it makes me terrified of the voice inside,
wanna crawl into my bed and hide,
and cry and cry about my outside,
until there's silence from the voice inside.

But it's never silence,
just a pause,
'til it grabs me again with it's awful claws,
scratches me and makes me bleed,
bruises me until i plead,
and remind myself that i agreed,
pain until I'm skinny, please.

I'm fat i know, i don't need to be told,
I'm tall and only 16 years old,
I'm a child yes, but you never scold,
because a good girl you did mold,
i used to get good grades and study hard,
now all i am is a bunch of lard,
i still study hard but i am scarred,
by the voice that tells me,
i'll never reach that bar.

I try and try but don't succeed,
i wish i could follow my brother's lead,
all the way to university,
getting himself a good degree,
a 50,000+ salary,
but the closest i'll get to that salary,
is a salad.
so i'll sit here munching rabbit food,
while you're thinking that i'm being rude,
for not sitting at the table with you,
while you EAT you're normal human food.

Why is EAT such a hard word to say?
it's three simple letters, just E, T and A,
combined and jumbled in three different ways,
EAT, tea and ATE are the things you can say,
but the latter word causes dismay,
sending my mind into disarray,
ana is here, she's here to stay,
reminding me there's no other way,
i must put down the food,
say i'm not hungry today,
go a little longer,
fast just one more day.
Johnny walker Dec 2018
Boxing day sat as usual In my local supermarket cafe with coffee In hand trying to find something In which
to write
about
people already shopping again two after their last big shop that being Christmas ever what earth do they with all that food to need to shop again so soon
and we have all these homeless starving people Is It we can eat all that food In two days I don't thinks
so
how much gets thrown away who knows well just a thought whilst passing the time of day
Just a few thoughts whilst passing the time of day
Pax Nov 2018
you lure me like
a mosquito
craving for your
blood
starving
for your
love.
But then
like any other
insects
you fear
Me.
D A W N Oct 2018
ive been stuck up on
feeding mouths
that cant even feed me.
ive been
too numb
too
even realize
that
I
was
starving.
ever been in a one-sided friendship?
CautiousRain Oct 2018
You must be starving,
your beastly belly never satisfied,
never satiated by the image
of a woman’s *******;
not her neck nor her thighs
could quench your burning,
relentless, shameful tastes
for flesh.

Of course, you're starving,
where could you run
when nothing would stop her desires,
her blood boiling, heart aching desires,
for the body, you so brazenly touched,
to be the one thing to light you on fire;
her voice, amplified by all the innocents you touched,
calls out to the hunters who
stare into your loveless, ravenous eyes,
knowing that you will always be starving.
In a graveyard by
a temple of maniacs
I dream to hold
your crippled hand
and cremate
my starving soul
in the space
between
the approval of your graceful thighs...


-Samar Charulingah Godfrey
Aaryn Sep 2018
100
don't worry I'm fine
But I lie all the time
but I'm fine
trust me this time
I'm in control

100
that's enough
that's all you get
don't be a *****
You're fat

you're a pig
5 bites for breakfast
Nothing for lunch
3 bites of dinner
then go for a run
ha you thought you were done?

We're only getting started
crunches
sit ups
leg lifts
wall sits
you're a ****** up human
look at all this lose skin

those fat thighs
and these white lies
of saying that you're fine
when all of your thoughts
are consumed by this routine
gotta eat clean
only protein

got a b+?
well guess what?
You'll cut yourself
with that blade on the shelf

but the pounds are dropping
what did I say?
but all this jogging
and constant fasting
is not gonna last you
you've gotta eat less
and run more
listen to me
****** *****
you wanna be pretty?
lucky for you
I don't feel pity

You must be empty
I've told you this
Yet you still insist
On eating this
****** ****
you don't need that

stop lying
You're not hungry
can you ever be trusted
this isn't funny

Empty
You must stay empty
Based of of my experiences with eating disorders and from what others have told me
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