I will never write about you again,
I swear to myself...


F.Z.N

This world is bound to end one day
And believe me darling
It's not going to go out of its way
And make our love infinite

So I understand if you must go,
I totally understand.


F.Z.**N

I want you more than I've ever wanted anyone.
But if you must go,
If you want to go, I want you to know
That it's okay.
It's okay.


-- Eleanor

There in the garden
I waited and waited
So patiently.

I waited for hours,
Days, almost a century.

There in the garden
I could have died
From longing.

Many a thing occurred
Before my sight.

Many died,
Many were born,
Some were reborn.

I waited for days
And the sun stood still.

It was only a minute.


--Watercolour

I'm sorry but I won't,
I won't share you
With your dreams,
Or parties or hours of distress
Because I want you all
To only myself.
So please,
Please don't ask me to
Because I won't share you
With anything
And especially not with her.


F.Z.N

Last night I had a dream
You still loved me
And it was
The most beautiful dream
God has put in me.


F.Z.**N

I am not lonely today
The trees are shivering
The skies are weeping
With me
Nature is having
One lazy dream
And we're all stuck in it
Equally suffering.


F.Z.N

I want to write less and less
About you
Until I no longer
Remember you.


F.Z.**N

But the light
That beams
Is a beacon
In your eyes.


-- Eleanor

I sailed you
Like an ocean.
And you were
As blue,
As deep,
As dangerous.


— Eleanor

It wasn't the heartbreak, no.
It wasn't the anxiety or lack of motivation.
It wasn't the drugs that killed him.

I think that he simply got tired
Of all those lined up houses
In his neighbourhood.


F.Z.**N

People always ask me about you
Especially at the liquor store.

And I don't know how to tell them
We don't drink together any more.


F.Z.**N

Being alone
Is when no one is around.
But loneliness
Feels as if someone is around
Yet completely ignoring you.


-- Eleanor

between the breaths, the boredom, the blues, the *****
the smokes, the sacrifices, the smiles, the sadness, the snooze
the poems, the problems, the pros and the cons
the needles, the nobodies, the neurotics, the loose
the careless, the fearless, the dreamless, who knows
the tulip, the lilac, the jasmine, the rose
the suns, the moons, the earth, the birth
the nights, the fights, the lies arise
the loneliness
among the hate, the fate, the date delayed
the loneliness
along the tongue, a song, wrong, wrong
the loneliness
inside the heart, a part apart, from the start
the loneliness, the loneliness, the loneliness...

"and the crowd, so many people,
and the cries, the laughs, the whispers...
Too many mouths talking in my ear, my left ear
Is it the chaos of unphysical presences ?
But I touch them, I see them, I hear them...
And nobody is here" -- Myra


-- Watercolour

The lonely tear
Upon your cheek
It settles.


F.Z.**N

Sometimes losing an appetite
Isn't a syndrome of an illness
It's a side effect
Of losing interest
In life.


F.Z.N

Love is a butterfly
That looks beautiful
From afar.
It's wild, it's free,
It's undoubtedly happy.
Some try to catch it,
Others simply watch it.
And I, like the rest
Was curious.
Perhaps too curious
For my own good.

Love is a butterfly
That looks beautiful
From afar
Though ugly
Very ugly
When you get too close,
Believe me.


F.Z.**N

Love me until God
Is made into a man.
Love me until the sea
Gives birth to a sun.


-- Watercolour

Love seekers are matches
Looking for a flame.

It lights them up,
Gives them meaning
And then...

And then it kills them.


F.Z.**N

Watery hands
Dripping from my own
Before the mirror.
Juggling with the unseen
Parts of me.

Portraits of the dearest ones
Long dead and gone
They're zooming out
I am zoning out.


--Eleanor Rigby

The sky like the palm of my hands
Is clear and faint
Holding stars and then slowly digesting them
Just like I do with magic pills.


--Watercolour

She is a romance magnet
And when she walks
I can almost see the moon
Follow her steps.
And when she goes to sleep
The night sky goes starless
For the stars have no one to shine upon
Except her.
But me,
I am just like the rest.


-- Eleanor

Between you
And me
There is magnet
You are a star
I am a planet.


-- Eleanor

I am not your match, no.
I'm just a match
Waiting to be set on fire.


F.Z.**N

She said, he left me after a year and a half.
And I thought to myself,
Well some people aren't like you and me,
Some people aren't meant for forever.

And it completely slipped my head
That she could very well be
Me in the future.


F.Z.N

Meet me at the café at 5pm,
It really can't wait.
I text you.
Two hours later you reply;
Not today, no.
Why not?
You are no longer allowed to ask questions.
Why not?
We are no longer together.
Why not?
You messed it up.
Did I?
Let's not go through this again.
It's fine but I want to see you today.
I told you I can't.

I don't know which hurts more
The fact that you moved on
Or the fact that I couldn't.


F.Z.N

Your absence sits on my skin
As layers and layers
Of melancholia
Feeding off
My flesh and bones
Until I am no more
But melancholia.


F.Z.N

He was not trying to die, my dear.
He was merely struggling to live.


--Watercolour

We met in mid April
And I think
That it was our love
That taught flowers
To bloom.


F.Z.**N

I spent all night crying
All morning grieving
And missing
Someone
Who didn't miss me
Half as much
As I him.

F.Z.N

You only miss me when she is gone.


-- Eleanor

You say you miss me
And I smile
But somehow
It's like you telling me
It's a beautiful sunny day
And me opening the window
To find only rain.


F.Z.N

You don't want my pain
You have enough...

How morbid must you be, he says.


-- Eleanor

From now on the only highlights of my nights
will be Schweppes and ***** and
torturing myself over your Facebook profile
with a smile on my face and eyes
too heavy to cry.

And you will be texting her
God knows what sweet words,
and you will be looking forward
to the next time she says I love you,
and you will be refusing to go to bed
before wishing her a proper good night.

I know that
the memory of me will slowly die
where her hips begin
until I mean nothing
and you will forget me altogether one day
and you will want her more than you can say.


F.Z.N

You are the morphine kinda person;
Dangerous and addicting.


F.Z.N

It shuffles and distributes
The golden hand at times
The losing one mostly
And God smiles
At the irony of it all.
The dice rolls and giggles
It is not for us mortals.


-- Eleanor

Much More
your words speak to me
of i love you's and i miss you's

but your eyes speak
of much much
much more


-- Eleanor

I don't want a palace,
I don't want gold or diamonds,
I don't want the heavens.

I just want you
For you are my everything.


F.Z.**N

You are annoying
And I hate you.
But my eyes,
My eyes suggest otherwise.


F.Z.**N

The months were passing
As my doubts growing
Higher and higher.
I was thinking that
She was just a summer fling,
That we were just mad
At each other,
That we will eventually
Get back together.

Anyway,
My doubts carried on
Until the merry merry day
I saw my grandmother's ring
Around her finger.
And I knew we were pretty much over.


F.Z.**N

My kind murderer,
your eyes burn like caramel
and melt my insides.
You light a cigarette
and it awfully reminds
me of what once upon a time
was my heart.
And you say, everything turns
to dust with time.
But my kind murderer,
you are not time, you are fire
bringing me to ashes.


F.Z.N

I remember thinking about you and
getting glimpses of  heaven,
I remember looking in your eyes
and seeing my very own reflection
like you were glass and me
so desperate for your opinion,
like we were one and the same,
Like we were perfection.

And now, and now...
you are but a long gone stranger
I had spent years mistaking for myself.

I mean it's just funny,
for the short times we spent together
I certainly did believe
you were never going to leave.


F.Z.N

I could have been anyone
And I could have been myself.

So I became anyone
And called it myself.


F.Z.N

Skinned ghosts and spilled ink
In a sack of flesh
My very own.

I gave you the key to my heart
Even though the door was already
Open for you.
I was naked and vulnerable
Before your eyes
And I was fully dressed.
I was yours
And you weren't mine.


--Eleanor

I am neither a girl
Nor a boy.
I just dress as I please
And sometimes
I wear make up.
I am neither your girlfriend
Nor your boyfriend.
I am your lover.
I whisper
Some three words
To your ear
With a low voice.
And when you anger me
I tell you to *******
In a higher pitch.
I am neither a She
Nor a He.
I am human, only.


F.Z.**N

i promise you, i promise you
you'll soon forget.

i never was here.


-- Watercolour

It's funny how inhaling poison
can seem adequate enough
to fill up your time
and...
natural.

I do remember when your tongue
tasted like toothpaste and nicotine
and I ****** on it
as if trying to steal your pain away
and swallow it.
But all my stomach had to digest
was silent words
that I am still hungry for
and a desire
for you to stop hurting yourself
and me.

But all you do
is smoke one cigarette after the other
with such nonchalance.


F.Z.N

missing something
that doesn't exist

stupid nostalgia

Lately faces have been hard
To tell apart.


-- Eleanor