to the one, i loved the most
to the one who loved me the most
to the one who cherished me the most
to the one who never gave up on me
to the one who made me smile on my darkest days
to the one who made me realize how beautiful i am inside out
please come back to me, love, i don't want to lose you forever
there's a drink called sweet burgundy
and then another drink called hennesy,
a damned fine congac
as she sat down
with a glass of hennessy
waiting to die
and typed out her last livejournal entry
where she counted out the pills for us
and told us the names and colors of all three
names and colors i can't remember now
The noise. The people. The apologies.
The graves. The empty bed.
The dead house. The lonely nights.
I leave it behind as I walk into the woods.
Moonlit flowers dance in the dark;
inviting me into this macabre carnival.
The shades of green all melt into the
tar black of the sky; it makes the
brilliant white bulbs of lilies even
more enchanting. I follow our old
tracks through the forest where she’d
string me along; smiling; laughing.
After a while in this invented space,
I feel the subterranean pressure of
the forest. The air is mute yet I
hear the nefarious cackles of crickets.
A stream of clear spring water
lead us to open fields; where we
would surrender to each other;
“We could die here” she once said.
We traveled here often;
scaling a tree as tall as the
tower of babel. She was always
reaching for something,
something close, yet far;
like chasing a shadow, she tried
and tried again. Our place of peace
became one of pain and torment.
Then one day; without a rope,
she climbed that tree so high
I seen the sky flinch away; and
as she fell she must of seen
the face of God; for in that moment
she screamed at the endless sky
for what seemed like an eternity;
until the wet splat of blood on leaf.
The winds whisper now;
using her voice like a siren.
Still I gravitate toward
this oasis of illness.
The vacuum of this vast forest
enthralls me as it did her;
there was something here,
something deep at the heart.
Even now; with every step,
a leaf loses its grasp; a drop
of water smashes to the floor.
Should I embrace the nature around me?
“All flesh is grass” she told me once;
staring at the maggots in
the wounds of a trunk; as though
she could hear the tree scream.
So is that what I hear now?
every crunching leaf; every
random screech; is it her?
is it her screaming into the abyss?
But wait, she talks to me now,
I hear her in the breaking
branches and rustling wind:
“Join me, it’s beautiful here”
Unfaltered I move further
into the darkness; into the carnivorous
orchard; her blood runs through
the roots; I see it.
I see it in the wilted flowers;
the anemic veins of the trees -
the reddening swamp redolent
of our candle-lit baths, roses afloat.
The blood swells and bursts
through the wood;
it’s no longer amber, or wax
I tread in; but a sea of red.
There is a sudden chill in the forest,
as butterflies that flutter like the dust
of dead skin swarm me; I breathe it in;
I let it take control; I let them lead.
Their wings wild with colours,
ungodly in their design;
they are monsters of rebirth,
created through death to become...
What? because once we break
our cocoons; we can never return.
We would lose everything, and still
I can hear the whispers loud;
I scream loud and shrill:
“She is gone. There is no point to this.
You took her away, we
we're to be so mu-”
a break in the foliage shocks me
as the trees part like the red sea
and there… there it is -
calling my name; whispering
illustrious things into my ears;
“Please, look. Ascend with me”
This air-drawn aberration spoke
once more: “Join me”
I followed the star, for
in those vast, boundless
skies she beckoned me.
It was her. My thorned queen.
When I reached the summit,
I saw an endless black.
I felt the calmness in the void;
Yet... behind the curtain those
starry holes peered, inviting
me like a billion winking eyes.
"There is more", they murmur;
their voices like rustling wind.
"She is lonely amongst the stars"
my skin beatified in their gaze;
at first I seen bruised and mauvish
knuckles, crimson cuts. But then...
then, I saw a galaxy in the
constellations of blood and
blemishes on the white of my flesh.
"You belong to us", it said.
A branch; the tendrils
of my own undoing, begin
to slip around my arms
like a lovers embrace;
like hers. They pulled my arms wide.
"It's okay. She is here too."
I am held now; waiting to die;
and from the sky a
noose drops, umbilical-like,
it snakes softly around my neck;
tightening, and it fit perfectly
like the ring did on her finger.
In those final moments;
I didn't see winking stars;
I saw a billion ways out and
I swear I seen her eyes.
The rope burns were gentile,
like the bites of love kisses.
As the cord broke; blood splashed,
and I landed like a baby in her arms.
Evacuation Alert: Tranquille Valley.
Get out. Bring everything you love.
Ash is falling from the sky,
and the smoke is too much to bare.
The fire's rampage has charred
More than 200,000 hectares,
in 133 days.
It's not safe.
Get out. You are everything I love.
Incinerating everything in your path,
You tranquillize the atmosphere
with your absence.
You smoked me to the filter and
left me to burn.
63 days, and 21 condoms.
You're not my safety anymore.
i sit like an indian in bed
smoking an american spirit cigarette
i pick up my phone and listen to a new voicemail
it's my mom again telling me if i don't call er back and let her know i'm ok she will call the cops
i go for a walk
i look at the sky i look at the trees i look at the people
i begin to run
into the street
into the bus
full of smiling school children