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kayzamo May 12
---TW: themes of self harm---


I'm hungry,
******* hungry.
I'm not really in the mood
For the moldy apples in my fridge.
My brain is hungry though,
******' hungry.

A nagging, a pulling, and a tapping.
The urges crawl to and fro in the back of my skull,
Like drunken, confused spiders.
I roll my eyes back
To take a peep at the spiders,
And I stare at them for a while.
Their clumsy crawling is mesmerizing;
I can't look away, even though I want to.

The stomach growls,
The skin quivers,
And the aroma rises.
The blood running in my veins,
Along with the goosebumps on my skin
Are tantalizing.
Why does it smell better than any actual meal?
My thoughts begin to narrow in on my hunger,
On my skin,
And on my hunger,
And on my skin,
And on the box cutter,
And on my hunger,
And on my skin.
Eventually it's all I can think about,
God ******.

I bite and groan;
I bite and wail.
The guilt consumes me,
But the hunger consumes me
With an even sharper bite.
Not actually about cannibalism - I was using that more as a parallel to discuss the themes portrayed in this piece. It was a tough one to write.
Anais Vionet Feb 25
Have you ever been so infatuated with someone that you thought you’d die? My memories are fresh - and embarrassing - there’s no sense of time’s distortion.

I was twelve and we were living in Shenzhen, China.
When my heart went off like a grenade for this fourteen year old boy.
I was so beguiled that I started writing poetry - always a bad sign.

I was exposed - turned inside out by it;
like my guts were hung out for birds to peck.
I writhed in that particular, lonely agony.

All I ever had to offer him was my helplessness.
He didn’t take advantage - I think I scared him.
I wonder what memories he took from me?
BLT word of the day challenge: Embarrass : "experiencing a state of self-conscious distress."
Ron Gavalik Feb 7
The last generation
asked for success.
Our generation
asked to be left alone.
This generation
asks only to mitigate
the pain.

–Ron Gavalik
Nicole May 2021
Tawny days hanging from the sweet autumn breeze are sheltered in corners of my mind I just can’t dare to go to. I hide from them, never closing my eyes—never looking inward. I open them into another haze, though. The dimmest streetlight in the most darksome alley. But between blinks, my eyes burn in golden, and images of remote places flicker in.

Patches of brown leaves on the ground, fragments of Shakespearean poetry carved on trees, a lonely grove between mountains, and a magic lake by my hiding place…

“You would never understand,” I had said to him after weeks of sleeping under willows and sneaking in the cottage through the window. “You don’t know what’s it like to be chased for crimes you didn’t do!” The soldiers had been drawing nearer to the towns about, and I had been left with no choice but to flee from the fate that being an outsider threw at me. “Don’t go,” he had said before my fears revived in my head, killing all peace.....
hey guys, this is an excerpt from a story I've written.
let me know in the comments what you think of it and if you want to read more of this story.

reviews are much much appreciated.

have a nice day :)
Simon Apr 2021
The lamp is now representing itself in the absence of being semi-peaceful. While having the inner-struggle in just simply trying it's best to get by....
After this very truest representation had sold itself to the highest bidder (being its own inner weakness giving into the symptom, that is "giving up"), without so much as a single plausible (enough) explanation...
Things don't become tolerated (very well), anymore.
After all, it's up to the standards of one's own grief to now simplify the very behavior (in their own sequence, after sequence, after even more sequences that have sheer luck tied to them without hesitation for utter pleasurable shame for the results that clutter the very cog in the wheel) that gives freedom in the disguise for wonder. Wonder...that isn't including its own freedom, as that's just another common (filled) sense illusion, now.
It's the very scenario that agrees that it hast to become free...in order to see its own self for what it had become....
Meaningfully speaking, everything up to this very point in time...comes with an arresting degree for silencing the inner willpower of an inner voice that can't (safely, very well) reach for the outside world (and even remotely reach out into the outside world, like...AT ALL...)! And simply express (for the life of itself), its own symptom. Not only a symptom (or two...) But more the very part as to how, or why, or what essentially became of itself...when it started feeling this particular (and more peculiar way...), where it doesn't know how to handle itself, anymore (in that very dire moment for shameful results). Especially the guilt trip that it starts to feel (all the sudden), when it begins feebling itself over such hesitating tip-toeing maneuvering. But what comes (next, anyhow) with so much as a single surprise...is that there's always a certain something, (or certain someone) truly waiting for you on the other side of a spectrum (where you have yet to truly notice in ALL such forming varieties upon the certain specified number of emotions bleeding itself DRY for the appreciation of finding a solution too it's current problem....)
Once you understand this...or more like correcting the wrongs (that had up to this very moment in time, had made you this spiraling short-circuited piece of machinery, or justful faulty technological prowess...) Gives you the very nurturing desire to bid farewell to your own inner strength. Just so you can now have the very pleasure of now purging past this unknown barrier on the other side of this spectrum that has this very certain (someone) waiting for you...that will then of course, give you that single, (when you least expect it...) RESTART! That had been in an orderly fashion ever since the very beginning (when you first started first experiencing this symptom in the first place). A trapped scenario full of crippling sequences of events!
Descriptions, or even visuals are lost...without defining what a lost light (who's very brightness is increasingly going dim), doesn't even have the very means (as of yet) to truly become recognizable of the ("notice of things"), for simply "why" it's becoming this very way, in the first place...?
In this maze of dreams and nightmares
nobody knows what is right or what is wrong
only your heart, true
can tell
what you know you couldn't just bare.

In this maze of dreams and nightmares
everyone searches for their heart lost then found,
lost then found,
only your heart true
will tell
to you what's bearable and what was too much to take.

In this maze of nightmares and dreams
nobody will care but for their own heart,
my heart yours, at some point
I lost it,
I can tell, I recovered it for revenge that's sweet,
Ah, this sweet revenge of ours!
And your hearts, true.

A whole world born out of fires, with passionate flames shaped
cutting ways through the thick cold air of the systems
as it spins and turns and rails...
The same path to existence ... for all our nightmares.
How would you like to recover from your old nightmares and fears?

"She suffered a lot, I suffered with her... on the battle field each of us did their 'job well... duty always something good for something else. Grounds are using, decomposing nature knows how everything can be used for all those flowers, trees and everything we need and love... you'll end up loving everything that got out of ****. (sorry for the choice of such an abhorring word.)"
Maria Hernandez Mar 2021
I feel like a phone that has been used all day,
Until it's breaking Point
like it has reached its lowest battery percentage,
until its dead
I feel emotionally drained.

I give i,-I give, and I give
until I've given my everything.
Until the end I feel like no one cares about
giving me a single thing, I feel used and ignored
and when lm Finally recharged Im being picked up
again...
Woke up at 3:00am to write this
Man Mar 2021
writing in fugue states
distress, take me
and give me dizziness
only to see black
what mistake
made me so
today, was too late
that i should have noticed before

the body falters
A damsel in distress I am,
To your satisfaction,
I wish I knew more of this but the sky was too limited,
Paying my bills to this Universe,
For all that love and all the hatred I was always so capable of!
To your satisfaction
An animal too sweet
sacrificed a much too sweet pitiful animal, supernatural,
Too bitter a cause.

And I am also a feral beast,
Ferociously eating my sandwich,
My part of the sandwich, you won't touch!
My share of wonders, all mine, all mine...
God... sorry... I am too forgiving...
Yes, you may have it, you poor much more famished beast...

And I am a teller of fortune,
Your life was all to beautiful,
You may live in the past...
The future is for the ones who want to last forever....

And I am a changer of pasts, combining
Your Universe lost with mine,
My planet a place for you _only if apart.

But I am lovable.... oh well, I used to be...
Maybe I don't remember correctly
How things should be!
Leah Carr Nov 2020
I need you
and in return
you walk further away

I miss you
and in return
you turn your back

I apologise to you
and in return
you deny the hurt you caused me

I care about you
and in return
you don't give me a fleeting thought

I cry for you
and in return
you forget about me

I love you
and in return
you don't love me

But still I silently beg you
to come back

Please come back
To my big sister. I'll keep giving, even if I don't get anything in return **
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