After a graduation, it's mostly mirthlessness for an introverted young guy interested mainly in music, English, movies & videogames. During this time, he makes his first steps at rhyming. Looking from the present, he's not satisfied with the most of the material indited by him in the first 2 years of this hobby. At some point during that time, he also starts to get immersed into sociopolitical stuff & as he spends time reading & watching respective materials, his views get established, but anger, being a reaction on injustices he discovers, starts to settle inside him as well.

At some point after that, he gets an occupation. During that period of occupation lasting a few years, his mirthlessness & anger increase. During a more than 2,5-year period after the barbaric invasion ordered by the underdisbanded north-east empire's dastardly autocrat with state security & criminal backgrounds, being under the influence of mostly his views, anger, spite, but also mirthlessness & escapistic fantasies, the guy indites his best lyrical works becoming, lyrics-wise, an antiauthoritarian-minded antihero, for the most part.

Anger, high-octane music, among which his main choice during those few years has been vicious mid-paced bangers, the meticulous & sometimes pleasant process of inditing lyrics along with rereading them afterwards, & movies rich on drama, violence, & dread has been keeping his melancholic side somewhat at bay, more or less. But now, it's crossroads, which makes him want to disappear, to escape from reality even more.

I've played with demons.
As the bright light dwindled.

Got burned by their lies.
I was the moth to their flame.

Dancing with the darkness.
Without a warning sign.

It seemed chaos.
Was my only vice.

Maybe I asked for it.
Just this time.

They took me in.
They spat me out.

Made a home out of my bones.
Made me bleed with a smile.

Some would say I'm tragic.
Some would say I'm manic.

That I'd take a nightmare.
More than I'd take living.

I guess the demons in my dreams.
Are also hidden angels underneath.

As they save me from this aching reality.

when the time comes
i want my story to be told
from a place of love,
i want to to know
that there was someone
somewhere
who gave a ****,
even if just a little bit.
please don't twist my words,
don't turn my intentions
into long-term plans,
'cause there is nothing long-term
about the way
somebody's life ends.
i used to have a vision
but at some point
i made a decision to try my luck,
so when the time comes
my only hope is
that my story is told by someone
who gives a ****.

When it came to that dog's heart, his owner's death sure did break it.
He lost his master and his best friend and he simply couldn't take it.
He stayed at his owner's grave and he would continuously howl.
When I tried to move him, he snapped at me and he would growl.
I gave him food but he wouldn't eat and he starved to death.
He couldn't live without his owner and he took his final breath.
A veterinarian tried to help the dog but he growled and snapped at him too.
The vet wanted to save the dog's life but sadly, there was nothing he could do.
The dog was miserable and he was determined to die.
The vet and I couldn't save his life but we sure did try.
Now that dog is with his master in Heaven above.
He couldn't go on because he lost the human who he loved.

Why do I have to earn the salvation I seek?
To be so intervened in discomfort so deeply,
I sculpture a home in it,
I bestride me in delusion,
My inconsistence towards my self,
Ignites a flame in which I burn alive,
Thus
My memories are mere ashes
And I no longer remember your name nor mine,
My inconsistency of will,
Of mind and thoughts,
Of love,
Of meaning,
It invokes of my burdens and failure,
Bewitched to inconspicuousness,
Nothing descends upon me,
But mountain of realization,
That transgresses on all my hopes,
I am hopeless,
A fool,
A puppet of the greatest puppeteer,
An unvalued one,
My theory is based off nothing,
Thus,
I am too a void,
Driven to soak up everyone's essence,
Desperate as a sponge.

Candlelight
drinks my blood from the vine.
Your soft glow
suffocates me at midnight.
Holding close to my chest
I harbour your love,
Your beauty still dazzles me to my core.
Pretentious blues, ugly truths taking flight,
castles built and then ruined by arrogance.
It's you it's you,
it's all for you my love.
Even though I can't compare to your touch.
I know I know
I know I might be nihilistic,
but baby I know I love you.
Please forgive my ugliness.
Please redeem me, free me
from your holdings.
Believe me, relieve me.
Your love will strangle me alive, bury my bones dead my love.
If you need me, need me,
then say so.
Otherwise I might sniff out the candle.
I want to stop dancing with you in the light of the half moon.
But it's you it's you,
it's all for you my love.
Even though your gentle caresses leave bruises on my hands.
I know I know I know
I might be a pessimist,
but you look so beautiful
In the candlelight.
And what is beauty, if not destruction.
I have killed myself over ugly truths.
Might as well I die in glory, take my chances, be remembered for greatness,
like the tragic romance of Romeo and Juliet.
If your love kills me tonight,
that's alright.
It's all for you my love,
You look so pretty in the candlelight
drinking my blood.

I no longer carry your marks on my collarbone,
I already stepped off of that throne;
Or did you push me?
I couldn't tell through
The field of gasoline
I found myself in.

And in this tragic end,
I prayed that I could blend,
But I suppose we can only stand,
As tall as we can bend.

My heart is breaking because it relies on the futility of my nature,
I fear,
My nature's rigidness to accept oblivion,
Will cause me to loose something very dear,
How long should I run knowing that I'll be caught?,
In my own tragic tale and the borders of my mind,
What I have become is my biggest failure,
I cannot support myself,
Neither do I wish myself well,
Until embraced by tides of warmth,
That have yet to approach,
As what simmers in the ocean of memories is beyond my control,
And helplessly I continue to cherish that one memory of warmth.