An ordinary springtide breeze
skipped lightly upon pungent
amassed trillium felicity
an arousing spring cadence
wafts lighter than yester night's
vague hope silently stirred
between ensconced memories
squandered dreams benumbed
by a chilling need to forget
what tarries unforgotten
in mending hearts broken
more than any practical sense
beyond fleeting lifespan :
for a candle burns more dimly
just before the wick's smolders rise ,
evanescing smoke dissipating ;
like tears that dry on their own
a candlewick gasping for wax
before vanishing into its own ash
a fading memory of light ― .
April 23, 2017
I've seen this one angel hanging in town
she dances and sings and spreads happiness around
she's kind and funny and unique
She bathes me in light every time we meet
She grips my hand and walks with me down the street
this angel isn't mine, but she knows what I need
she knows my angles and shows them to me
she read the lines that I am hiding closely
she heats me up and melts me slowly
She brings the light when the night is lonely
And when I look at her eyes I swear they're glowing
I know they're knowing I can see her probing
It's not easy hiding from these angles she's bringing
I want to speak, but the words are tainted
My brain is jumbled and my thoughts scream faintly
I know I'm being a selfish brat
Is it my fault that I can be myself with you?
Is my my fault that your essence is addicting?
what angle do I need to see to see you being an angel over just me?
There is a trail that I've walked a time or two
Wearing heavy shoes made of crackling fire
I've left behind only a charred unrecognizable road
And a sunrise as bitter as its roots
The trail parts swiftly, cleaving me as it cleaves itself
My route is camouflaged in winter's blanket
I spin on heels that have worn their welcome
And I walk beyond the borders of this dream
There's an old woman in a cottage
Who tells me I have a mist behind my eyes
"Brown is the color of failure," I tell her as I pass
And she flashes a half-smile that chills me to my bones
Late to rest, yet early to rise
Quarrelsome images tirelessly haunt my sleep
The old lady waves from the bottom of the hill
But it's too late to turn back now
I see a saddle of good weight resting against birchwood trees
Yet no sign of steed for miles around
As calloused palms meet calloused leather
I sense the spirit of its rider wash over me
The path now winds like a time traveling clock
My breathing hastens as my feet carry on
I hear whistling but I'm unsure of the source
Is it me? Or is it something out of sight?
I come to a clearing at long last
Blistered feet have taken me far, just not far enough
My pupils sense a brightness I haven't encountered before
Instinctively, my hands shield my cowering eyes
The old woman is there, whispering to lilies
In a language my mind has no hope of comprehending
She pays no heed to my presence at all
Yet she knows that I linger in my bewilderment
She plucks a lily from the unblemished earth
And I see a brilliant steed at the center of the shimmering field
"Brown is the color of failure," she says with a parched grin
And suddenly my path becomes very clear
I flinch as the light overwhelms my perception
Evolving now into an ethereal embrace
Though blind, my feet move without my mind's approval
And suddenly I am mounted upon the majestic horse
Like a snare drum, its gallop is steady and gallant
My sense of direction in disarray as I'm carried through the woods
I hear the woman's hands wringing at weeds in the distance
Despite how far from the clearing I should be by now
The horse tenses and sneers as momentum careens to a halt
I feel myself being thrown through air, time, and space
My brown eyes blink as oxygen floods my rested lungs
Gasping, I realize I'm as awake as I have ever been
fight the need to pull the thorn, kill yourself to be reborn,
live your life in fear of death, clinging to your final breath
harm done even when you win, pride is such a deadly sin
count me out or count me in, til the day the world wont spin
fine me for my will to be, tax the squirrel the use the tree
sell my insides, scamming me, nothing in this world is free
shaping, taping back together, taking, raking all your splendor
faking, making us pretenders, facing, gaping black forever
bring me down and ream me out, fill me up with hate and doubt
tender fetal origins, generations' collagen
lets go out and hit the town, shoot one up and knock one down
binding, winding, finding sound, listening to my heart pound
bursting vessels 'round the socket, ball it up into my pocket
flyin higher than a rocket, once you've tried it, try and knock it
asking nice to get inside; soiled, rotten, blushing bride
with her hands between her thighs, only wishing for surprise
see our circle dissipate, seems i've found you just too late
all im left with is my hate, and the need to procreate
lose your temper, mind and soul, listen to the blackness roll
deaths compile and raise the toll, what secrets does the future hold?
wretched roaches writhe and run, while rancid tyrants toll the sun
leeches, peaches, pears and plums, kill me when my birthday comes
Seeking each small imperfection,
so unafraid to criticize.
Baffled by my own reflection,
impossible to recognize.
Who is this man in front of me,
so unafraid to criticize?
What triggered this catastrophe?
What shallow choice has brought me here?
Who is this man in front of me?
Where lies the self I hold so dear?
Investing so much thought and care,
what shallow choice has brought me here?
Which broken vow should I repair?
How lost am I within my soul,
investing so much thought and care.
The hopeless search to be made whole,
how lost am I within my soul.
Seeking each small imperfection,
baffled by my own reflection.
to me spirituality is the best interest,
to me freedom is bullshit
to me freedom of expression is the hole in a dream
for wot u live for
is the essence of our contraption
that is not to overanalyze, or obstruct the notion but,
to me its to enjoy the buzz,
the chaos and all the murder in the world today,
kids with holes in their bodies, like for what,
for me i jus sit back, like for what,
relax and dose ya mind into these aether waves,
my friends are cool,
they think im cool too,
i guess i am cool,
but to me my friends are fools,
and i am a fool cuz i listen to music like tool,
to me reality includes me,
i am connected to this density, 3D
dimensional awareness, master of frequency
my rhymes make stars vibrate from the skies,
my rythm moves through,
solid matter, drink bleach
reconstruct a new eye view,
i always lie to myself for what i, for what i,
dont mentally grasp why,
never asked for a mind,
to comprehend gods and time and desire,
morality and math and planting the seeds of our demise,
u only get uncensored reality.
I wonder sometimes
at the words I place,
of pseudonyms lost
and unknown author's notes.
Thoughts and phrases
waiting in a never mind
that I passed by
when I wore a smoother face
and life was less.
What focus might
an undiluted lens display?
Whose voice would speak
of loss and love?
What memories would haunt a man
who'd never known of you?
The swell of hip and breast,
the sound of whispers in the night.
How might he see a world
where "Daddy" never rang across the room?
Unclutched by grubby fingers,
shoulders free from tears.
I wonder sometimes
as I place my words,
but only for a moment ...
I have too much for that.