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2.2k · May 2018
The Warmest Heart (Haiku)
Amanda Kay Burke May 2018
Even with the guy
Who owns the warmest heart, mine
Somehow still feels cold
What is wrong with me?
2.2k · Sep 2018
A Thousand Mistakes Carried
Amanda Kay Burke Sep 2018
Carrying a thousand mistakes in my arms
Thoughts weighed down by words and worry
In my mind rolling back and forth
Judgement making vision blurry

Surrounding area fades into the background
I watch anything but you
We each play with the other's feelings
A foolish game we both are used to

All my stress becomes complicated
Stretch my patience until barely there
Give myself another headache
Wasting peace on you, I stare

Friend? Foe? Not sure anymore
In your eyes darkness is rising
Love you no matter what shape you form
Any secret identity you may be disguising

I take your hidden baggage
All that I will never see
Welcome confidential cargo onboard
I will accept you for you if you accept me for me
I'll take you for who you are if you take me for everything
2.2k · Jul 2019
Between Silences
Amanda Kay Burke Jul 2019
Between silences
Things seem okay
Can't find problems anywhere
Always have a smile on my face
Until I remember they're still there

It is easy to forget I'm mad
If I dream about your eyes for too long
Usually I get so distracted
Not even sure who's right or who's wrong

So there is not really much point
Fighting if it is all a waste
Arguements will slip my mind
No matter how bad the distaste

So next time we disagree
Let us not raise our voices to a shout
I can almost guarantee
We are just going to end up working it out
Written 9-4-12
2.2k · Sep 2023
Temporarily Grey
Amanda Kay Burke Sep 2023
In dark moments of life it may be hard
Finding love for your existence each day
Behind every sorrow is meaning
All clouds will eventually drift away
Skies of blue are waiting around new corners
This time only will be temporarily grey
Everything is temporary. Pain, joy, peace, confusion, excitement, and even grief are all simply passing emotions that overall are a mere blip on the entirety of our timelines
2.1k · Aug 2018
Cocaine Lips
Amanda Kay Burke Aug 2018
Intensity for you wavers not
Your lips pure *******
Love stronger than the drugs
Coursing through my shallow veins

I am searching for a way to repair
That will stop gnawing emptiness
I swear there's no fairness in this world
I am waiting, I only see less and less

Contentment is clearly decreasing
Do not know where it keeps on running to
Am tracking with the tools I have
Navigation here is hard to do

Thoughts and devoted feelings intersect
Wish my mind was a blank slate
Yearn to eject unsavory parts
Pull out of this unhealthy state

I will be addicted to you for life
Inhale the smoke that makes up who you are
Sweet smell of nostalgia and lost intimacy
I face the pain of another scar

Terrible remains will be all that is left
Part of me forever gone and departed
Human weakness flows through my blood
You are a drug I wish I had never started
The most powerful drug that exists to humans is another human being.
2.1k · Dec 2022
Blue Christmas
Amanda Kay Burke Dec 2022
Christmas is around the corner
I can't stop myself from feeling blue
Vainly trying to channel holiday cheer
It's just not merry without you
It's a white Christmas up here in AK but my heart is still so blue
2.1k · Dec 2022
Nomads
Amanda Kay Burke Dec 2022
We're riding bikes on this trip known as life

In midnight hours

Facing wind with a hefty amount of risk mixed with intoxication adorning my head with an imaginary crown in place of where nonexistent helmet should be

Drunk not on alcohol
Instead from the countless tears formed by self-hatred
Soul-boiling
Hot liquid bubbling over edges of my eyelids

I hope we find our way
We travel without light guiding our direction
Two insignificant nomads blindly navigating this vast existential void
Attempting to reach sort of adequate destination before time reaches us
Held together by fingers and an invisible magnetism more powerful than the unknown forces pulling and prodding around us at all angles
And led forward by our hearts
I miss my partner in crime
2.1k · Mar 2022
Wasting My Air
Amanda Kay Burke Mar 2022
I'm angry with you
I am sure you don't care
If these words were spoken I'd be wasting my air
My feelings not even an afterthought in your brain
You are too selfish to consider my pain
:/
2.1k · Jul 2018
I'm Happy For You
Amanda Kay Burke Jul 2018
You give me butterflies
I saddens me to say
I think it would be easier
If you would go far away

I still love when you smile
Even happy the reason isn't me
It would be better if you would be
The person I believed you could be

If we were true friends we'd talk about
Exact emotions we feel
You wouldn't have to lie to my face
I know it isn't real

If you want, ignore me
Wouldn't mind at all
It's softer to my sensitive ears
Than mumbled words exhanged down the hall

Know where you're coming from
Been in the same place too
I understand, you don't see
I am really happy for you
True love is when you want them to be happy, even if it someone else making them  smile
2.1k · Aug 2020
Life's A Beach
Amanda Kay Burke Aug 2020
Upon this shore my unsure feet stand
Slowly sinking into soft sand
Seashells shine as they catch sunlight
And drifted wood is washed all but white

Seagulls swoop from skies and soar
Birds and prey at a natural war
The sunrise glow fades
Air grows hot
In warm display beach is caught

Illuminates the sea below
From surface to undertow
A gentle ocean breeze waltzes by
As if the water breathes with a sigh

Enhancing sunbeams that darken my skin
Tranquility I am soaking in
This morning view so peaceful and bright
Where all is well within my sight

How many summer days remaining to waste?
When snow arrives I'll miss the taste
Of saltwater bitter on my tongue
The cool sensation filling my lungs

Upon this shore I memorize
The horizon distant from my eyes
The light outside fights the darkness within
And my cares float out as the tide rolls in
And I'm just trying to surf the waves
2.1k · Aug 2018
Hollowed Out Happiness
Amanda Kay Burke Aug 2018
Seeking happiness in the wrong places
Then wonder why I am not
Blame fate for most my problems
When I am chasing my tail in the same spot

Sit and watch the world spin circles
Wait for opportunities to drop into my lap
Neglect health in the process
Realize I'm about to snap

Ready to give up this quest
Staring at a looming distant goal
Contemplating if I am the only one
Emptied of happiness, a hollow soul
My happiness is never enough to stick around
2.1k · Jul 2018
Wasting My Years
Amanda Kay Burke Jul 2018
Lay beside me, wasting my time,
You've done this the last four years,
Showing a sliver of the lovely creature you were,
You have become the epitome of my greatest fears.

What I'm saying is you are only half-there,
Your partial absence drives me insane,
My tender heart too attatched to you,
You make a mess of my brain.

You only think about yourself,
Lacking the strength to look beyond your veil of smoke,
A planet of people exists who are scared to lose you,
Their fear does not bother you, so concern you provoke.

When you are feeling like nobody cares,
Having a bad day, bad week,
When you do not want to take another breath,
Remember life is valuable, though for now you are weak.

Tell me there isn't a point anymore,
Just don't know how to make you see,
You are loved, should be aware of your beauty,
I feel your hesitation, insecurity.

I sense that I am no longer helping growth,
Maybe we need a reality check,
This is not a proper way to live,
Transforming into an emotional wreck.

I think about you, I come unglued,
Still remember who you used to be,
How your skin tasted before the holes,
When your laughter was more than a remote memory.

Outside our cell a world is waiting,
Reality becoming distressingly clear,
Someone who is unwilling will not change,
I know this yet an invisible chain holds me here.

Dangerous game we play for two,
Do you miss leading me astray with lies?
I followed you everywhere, wish I had known,
Your sight was as blind as my blindfolded eyes.

Profound power possessed in your palm,
You hold my puppet strings,
Anchored by dreams and twisted promises,
Delicately, my strength swings.

Ambitions hardly holding on,
Changing into a shape you choose,
Break me into your "perfect" girl,
You ran my well dry til there was nothing left to use.

Is it me you desire, or what I have to give?
Do you love my body or soul?
The only reason you have tolerated my mind so long,
Is because I made it easy for you control.
I feel so stupid now for trusting you.
2.0k · Jul 2023
Traces Of You
Amanda Kay Burke Jul 2023
I cannot escape memories
Absence haunts all I do
When eyes close your face is what mind sees
Every place I go there are traces of you
No matter where I go or what I do I feel you there
2.0k · Mar 2021
Lost Ones Remix (Rap)
Amanda Kay Burke Mar 2021
(Verse 1:)
Dreaming is for fools daring to shut their eyes
Keeps us sleeping soundly
A bed of lies
Rendering us blind
Incoming demise
So confused cannot tell day apart from night
In desert searching for something to drink
What can you do out there with just your thoughts but think?
Like dreams written in your head in blood-red ink
Everything you want hard to get when you're living on the brink
Difficult roads lead each direction
Beautiful destinations if given correction
Its kind of funny
You make the connection
Best people are created from pain and rejection
No one knows what is coming until it arrives
An earthquake to shake up their life
Go to lengths to avoid destiny
You can't escape fate by going to extremes

(Hook:x2)
And I ain't too proud to tell you that I cry sometimes
I cry sometimes about it
And girl I know that **** hurt
Maybe if this world was perfect
We could make it work but I doubt it

(Verse 2:)
Difficult roads lead directly to our fate
Beautiful destinations that meaningfully await
Allowing to see good things are on the way
My mothers words haunt me to this day
"Underneath surface things are not as they appear"
Layers upon layers make picture unclear
100% something seen is real
Stable
Sincere
You reach to touch it and in seconds it disappears
I move through life like it is all a dream
The world around me is not as nice as it seems
Mirrors leave me wanting to scream
Crying about everything
Enjoy little bit of peace I have before it fully fades away
Things fray nerves every difficult day
All we have
One life
Not a day more or less
Take a moment to pause and realize you are blessed
Is reality real?
It's anybody's guess
Either way I'm going to give it my all and try my best

(Hook:x2)
And I ain't too proud to tell you that I cry sometimes
I cry sometimes about it
And boy that **** hurt
And ain't nobody perfect
Still we could make it work but you doubt it


(Bridge:)
They say perception is everything
Why can't I control the things I see?
Try my hardest to grow to be the best that I can be
But my head and my heart do not always agree
What the **** do all these coincidences mean?
There has to be something more out there for me
Caught in between where I wanna be and where I am
Because if I am being honest this was never my plan
I am just trying to survive the only way I can
With a chip on my shoulder and knife in my hand
My legs are tired but I continue to stand
Don't know why I still give a ****
Guess some lessons take time to understand
Depression has the upper hand but soon that's gonna change
Because it's about **** time I take the reigns
Begin writing a new chapter and turn the page
Take control of my life make it rearrange
Grow the **** up and start acting my age
I know this is on a completely different subject than the original song but whatever
2.0k · Aug 2018
More Than Try
Amanda Kay Burke Aug 2018
I am finding it hard to believe you
Second-guessing every word you swear is true
Won't withstand deceit anymore
Many times I let lies slide through

I set the bar too low
You didn't bother aiming high
If I mattered like you claim I did
You would do a lot more than just try
If its important you will find a way if it's not you'll find an excuse
2.0k · Jul 2023
Holding Broken Pieces
Amanda Kay Burke Jul 2023
Holding broken pieces of past in the palms of my outstretched hands
Reasons evade me
I sit here struggling to understand
The edges dig deep
Causing tender skin to seep scarlet drops
Taking Tylenol to pummel pain until it finally stops
I'm ready to give up life and dive headfirst into my grave
It is difficult for me but I must admit my soul is far too gone to save
The devil stole it from my bones and doesn't plan on giving it back
Without it polished surface falters and slowly begins to crack
Just a glimpse into my depressing life
2.0k · Jul 2022
How Can I Be Angry With You?
Amanda Kay Burke Jul 2022
I do not blame you for your silence
Words you'll never say
Wish I could make you mine
I guess there's too much pushing you away
Can't help but feel a tiny bit sad
I'm not mad at the end of the day
After all how could I be angry?
I knew things would end up this way..
I knew from the start there was no chance but i dared to hope anyways because i really really genuinely liked you a lot </3
2.0k · Aug 2018
Hate Myself
Amanda Kay Burke Aug 2018
Hate myself for never being enough
I can't figure out how to succeed
Shelf I keep aspirations on is too high
I am nothing but a servant to incessant need

Another person expecting too much
Honestly that is what's keeping me down
Tired, I write these words
Disappointment pinning me to ground

Don't know how to be different
There is something holding me back
Can't quite pinpoint what is missing
But I sense it's something big I lack
Be patient with yourself. Nothing in nature blooms all year.
1.9k · Oct 2024
Heartbeaten
Amanda Kay Burke Oct 2024
You have my heart in chains
After all these years
The mercy of your affection
Hand that wipes my tears

You're mesmerizing beyond measure
Smile leaves me paralyzed
The sole word you have to utter is "Come!"
Legs move to my surprise

I obey each wish and command
Your approval I seek
All you need done to hear me talk
Simply call out to me "Speak"

You are not aware of power
Love feels like a restraint
Pulled me along by your heels
Never guided me straight

I am obedient pet
One that knows how to sit
I am too happy to lie down where I'm told
When you tell me to "Stop!" I quit

The fact is I keep heart locked up
In pound waiting for you to change
After all this time
Remains in your ribcage
Written 3-8-19
1.9k · Jul 2023
November
Amanda Kay Burke Jul 2023
November arrives on schedule
Comes in to visit each year
Whispers goodnight with stillness
Rustling one can hardly hear

I only see her four weeks
In heart time is of no concern
World to her is a routine on repeat
Myself know I have just a turn
Written you guessed it; 11/2/18 haha
1.9k · Nov 2021
A Stranger With My Face
Amanda Kay Burke Nov 2021
If you remove darkness inside me how much matter would remain?
Would it be a clean break or would that shadow leave a stain?
The antiques passed through generations only weigh me down
Heirloom weakness and shame parents wore as crowns
Would bring all the way till I crossed the finish line
Their weight is making progress steadily decline
Yet when I try releasing find their grip is way too strong
Have no other choice but drag these heavy burdens along
I fear limbs decay the more time that passes by
Friction wearing holes in flesh
I can't sever ties
A broken soiled reputation all I've seemed to gain
Blessings one by one like drops of water swirled the drain
Under layers of appearance is a piece of myself I rightly hate
Seems to be too large to safely amputate
These cheap thrills have gotten more expensive than platinum and gold
Their toll taken by draining my peace and prematurely making me old
As I held dreams in hand I stumbled and I fell
Shattered as they hit the floor
Hopes more fragile than eggshells
Then clumsy feet only made the mess worse
Every step makes a crunching noise
Wish I could somehow reverse
I never knew growing up would cause me to feel so low
Only when flying too high that I see how far the pavement waits below
The little girl in me died now there's a stranger in her place
Look in mirror and am terrified because the stranger wears my face
Feeling some feels right now
Amanda Kay Burke Aug 2018
I used to confess all my secrets to you
Now you do not talk to me at all
I used to be your partner but now
I am one step above a *******

Showed me how it feels to be in love
Used to kiss me every day
But then showed me how much love could hurt
When you ripped all of yours away

Trusted you with all my heart
You left me with an empty bed
Even after all the pain you caused
I believe every word that you said

Used to be happy together
Now I'm sad and on my own
You're fine, have work to distract you
I have nothing, I'm all alone

Used to gaze into your eyes
Now I'm staring at the wall
Used to think I was amazing
Now you do not think of me at all
It's crazy how fast time changes things
1.9k · Apr 2022
Not Hard Enough
Amanda Kay Burke Apr 2022
I try hard to love myself
The person that I am
Everyone tells me I am beautiful
Don't know why I never can
I want to love myself like i did when i was little
1.9k · May 2022
Botched Suicide (Haiku)
Amanda Kay Burke May 2022
My own cowardice
Botched last suicide attempt
Can I try again?
Although i am prone to suicidal tendencies i would never actually do it because of what it would do to my family
1.9k · Dec 2023
Morning Mind
Amanda Kay Burke Dec 2023
The first thought emerging in morning mind:
"World blind to suffering"
Is winding road going where I desire?
Question I'm reluctantly uttering
It's hard not to wake up on the wrong side of the bed when the world is such a terrible place these days
Amanda Kay Burke Oct 2023
What's family mean?
Bottles holding hearts hostage
Won't hold our love back
Written 3-8-20
1.9k · Jan 2019
Love Me Like I Loved You
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2019
Today my heart beats sick with shame
A million pieces I am reluctant to claim
I am losing touch with the person I am
Losing you and my life is a sham
Please crave me more than drugs
Craving you and your comforting hugs
Your heartbeat sounds slow, far away and low
I'm not ready for my crutch to go
You have ways of drawing me in
Witness devotion carved into my skin
I bleed out lost time I wasted on you
Love me how I always wanted, like I loved you
People have different ways of showing their affection
1.8k · Aug 2022
Hate The Sound
Amanda Kay Burke Aug 2022
My thoughts lately too loud
Staggering
Hate the sound
Cannot silence commotion inside
Why peace is difficult to find
My mind always takes me back to the darkest lowest depths of my thoughts
Amanda Kay Burke May 2017
Back in December it felt like you,
Would never leave but I guess it's true,
That nothing gold can ever stay,
and so you have to go away.

I wont lie, I'm going to miss,
Your lips and how they feel when we kiss,
but I have strength and I have hope,
That without you I'll somehow cope.

In a place where my head is full,
Of thoughts like "hes so wonderful",
Is when ill need your touch the most,
Instead of just some wispy ghost.

Memories will help to ease the pain,
On the nights loneliness drives me insane,
But even so, in the darkness ill weep,
Myself into an uneasy sleep.

Maybe all I need is one more day,
To fix our problems and convince you to stay,
but time is the one thing that I can't suspend,
Because all good things must come to an end.
1.8k · Nov 2021
Every Lonely Day
Amanda Kay Burke Nov 2021
I wish we talked in person
Love hearing you speak
Long to see your handsome face
Plant kisses on your cheek

I will never stop missing you
Regardless of how long you are away
In fact feelings grow stronger
Every single lonely day
For my hottie soldier boy
1.8k · May 2023
Time Folds
Amanda Kay Burke May 2023
The rest of your life has just begun
Time folds itself
A finger on the trigger of a gun
Hand wraps around to help
Written 3-27-30
1.8k · Aug 2022
Space Between Dreams
Amanda Kay Burke Aug 2022
I stand and wobbily make way to the door

Night fallen so quickly again

Afraid of dark
Shut the door and turn around
Not before flipping the lock

Instead of going to move amongst glowing lights and the odor of *****
Slip into pajamas and slide under the covers of my dependable bed
If patient
Sleep will find my skull eventually

So once more I am left in the space between dreams and reality
To float amidst streams of wind inside my empty mind
1.8k · Mar 2023
March Snow
Amanda Kay Burke Mar 2023
Snow falls heavy on head of Earth
Weight added as this mighty rock spins
Might be spring according to the calendar
Icy powder covers the dancing tree limbs
March choreographing slow routine
Time taken to feel sun's warm glow
Movements meticulously placed
We patiently wait for greenery to grow
Each morning rises giving way to new roots
Relying on heat that stays out of sight
Looking forward to the colorful weeks ahead
Good weather to melt the frozen cloak of white
Why is it snowing outside? **** Alaskan spring...
1.8k · Sep 2018
Planet Earth As It Turns
Amanda Kay Burke Sep 2018
If you only understood how dear you are to me
How much I've discovered about the world
You could show me it jn reality
Slowly explore sure planet earth as it twirls

Distant corners in tucked places
Because I need to escape
If have you close instead of blank spaces
Can hide in the feelings taking shape.

Fear growing into hope
This may be what I have waited for
All that time I couldn't cope
And the nights spent crying on the floor

Love you for taking all that away
Emotions I couldn't erase on my own
You helped tear apart dismay
Made sure I didn't fight demons alone

You are there to lead without question
Willingly sacrificing your hand
Many times pulled out of depression
Supported two legs until they could stand

Rainfall pours down heavier now
Swirling and spinning in wet assault
To you surrender, my head bowed
Journeys diverging and it is my fault

Thank you for lovely time shared together
Our paths will always intersect
I'm grateful you threw to me a line
For our two hearts to connect

The colors in your galaxy
Fade, in your arms become blurred
Tonight the first page of our story
Presence told without one word
This isnt my favorite piece. What do you guys think?
1.8k · Dec 2020
Empty Glass.. Emptier Chair
Amanda Kay Burke Dec 2020
Sometimes I feel small and alone
Intoxication will beckon me home
Only find there is nobody there
An empty glass and emptier chair
Maybe if I had not treated them so bad
Loved ones I would HAVE
Instead of HAD
Sigh
1.8k · Nov 2018
Lost Feelings
Amanda Kay Burke Nov 2018
Why can't I find the flames that once burned beneath skin?
Changed from warm to cold and dark
Reality's breath blew out the fire deep in me
Transformed my core into coals black, chalky, and dark


Attempting to force a glimmer of hope in my eyes
Ignite carefree wonder with a spark of belief
Then I could be unharnessed and rile passion
That scalds any unwanted lingering grief

Beyond these pages is genuine pain
Still alive though my heart won't beat
A hundred perfect words could not replace
Sought-after inferno, world devoid of heat

Head hung low in debilitating  failure
Dragging feet with purposeful defiance
Mistakes resting their weight on my back
Hunt for embers in half-hearted compliance

One candle lit to awaken misplaced zeal
Eternity tried silently stealing away
Sunset has the right shades of Orange and red
But lacks love it used to invoke each day

I am overanalyzing this
Eventually find the ecstasy that died
Don't care if It's a person, place, or idea
Something out there will rekindle lost feelings inside
I am currently at the start of an arduous journey of self-discovery and the first step is to figure out what I need to be happy
1.8k · Jun 2018
Rocks On Water (Haiku)
Amanda Kay Burke Jun 2018
Such a lovely way
You make my heart skip a beat
Like rocks on water
Love Has me feeling inspired
1.8k · Feb 2018
Feast Of Lies
Amanda Kay Burke Feb 2018
I tasted every bitter lie
As you shoved them down my throat
Now I'm full of poison-soaked phrases
Badly in need of an antidote

Lost promises rest in my abdomen
Next to the deception I was fed
I need a cure for untrue words
Before this illness renders me dead

Fallacies come crawling back up
Venom rising in my windpipe
Sick to my stomach with acceptance
Your falsehoods have become overripe

I can't contain the toxic deceit
It's overflowing from my gut
Excuses pour out from my mouth
Alibis Ive managed to rebut

The ***** burns my weary tongue
Sour as it leaves my lips
Betrayal has me feeling queasy
Unwell from hearing your rehearsed scripts

My stomach empties it's contents
Spewing intricate facades
Until it is rid of all the
Charades, illusions, and frauds

Infected with dishonesty
My body is rocked by unease
I've taken a turn for the worse
Consumed by this relentless disease

This virus I have come down with
Takes it's toll on my heart and mind
I grow more fatigued each day
But relief I have yet to find

Chills, shakes, soreness, and migraines
Plague my organs, bones, and skin
My muscles are endlessly cramping
I loathe the fever I'm burning in

I do not know why I feast on your
contaminated reality
I'm sure if I continue to
I will soon be a fatality

My health is deteriorating
Still i dine on fantasies unreal
I hope for a miracle pill but
My flesh may not be able to heal

I fear I'll be plagued as long as I
Swallow your lies, deranged and uncouth
The cure I have been longing for
is a simple medicine called Truth
Ignorance is bliss. That may be true but truth is understanding. And what is happiness worth if you do not truly understand it?
1.7k · May 2017
The Game
Amanda Kay Burke May 2017
Unhappiness and misery,
Loneliness, sorrow, and shame,
Who could know that all of this  
Would come from a simple game?

My jersey rests upon my back,
#1 it shines with a gleam,
There are players all around,
But I don't feel like part of any team.

The sidelines are my painful home,
A reminder that im not good enough,
but I can't cry, not a single tear,
The eyes of friends have made me tough.

I watch them work at what they love,
The struggle and the fight,
While my mouth forces, smiling words,
Cheers that never seem right.

I wont complain, not anymore,
but I don't know what to do,
You just turn away from me,
Why can't I spill my heart to you?

My parents asked me if I played,
Eyes downcast, I still lie,
Because they wouldnt understand,
When they don't know how hard i try.

How come this doesn't hurt you?
You must be so much stronger,
To shrug it off, not seem to care,
Its hard to take it any longer.

I'm sorry if I feel useless,
but you bleed too, don't you see?
And if it doesn't bother you?
Well, im sorry that it's hurting me.
About volleyball, I miss sports even though I was never very good at them.
1.7k · Nov 2020
The Speed Of Light
Amanda Kay Burke Nov 2020
Moving faster on than the speed of light
I am stuck here standing still
Make the journey look so easy
The climb is all uphill

I have attempted to take the first step
Cannot manage even minute motion
Limbs must weigh a thousand pounds
Resistance as if in the ocean

My awareness acutely sharpens
Realize I am in over my head
Suspected the pain would hit me eventually
Didn't know it would feel like a ton of lead

Waves of loneliness continue crashing down
Drowning in a sea of solitude
Silence keeps me company at night
Amplifying disquietude

Toxic impure tainted thoughts
Stain images in my brain
One by one they descend and splatter
Like stinging drops of acid rain

Poisoning environment
Questions harsh and demanding
Every breath inhaled is polluted
My body somehow remains standing

Inside hopes are spiraling to the ground
Impact results in fire
Burning dignity
Blackened and charred
Flames that never tire

Wayward demons romp in soul
Delight in my dismay
Carving tic-tac-toe boards into flesh
Misery just another game they play

I reached a brand new all time low
Abandoned strength to care
Cannot find the motivation to do Laundry
Today I wore no underwear

Those unfortunate enough
Cross my path
Targets for my distress
Knowing causing them despair
Does not make mine any less

I bear witness to actions
Hardly can trust my eyes
This selfish behavior is that of
Somebody I do not recognize

A sporadic black hole swallowing light
Eclipsing visible sun
Pacing anxious circles
Trapped
Nowhere to run

I wonder if you gazed at me now
Would you feel any emotion at all?
Have you closed off your heart from me
A tall
Thick
Cement wall?

For one last kiss I would trade with glee
Every possession I own
Nostalgia blooms under skin
Chilling to the bone

I felt lightning when we touched
Flash of passion warm and strong
I feel frozen without that spark
Depending on it so long

The galaxies in eyes were deep
Brighter than the multitude of heavens stars
Shining harder when staring at me
Still sparkle wherever you are

I miss the way torsos collided
Hugging eachother tight
Perfect puzzle pieces molded
Fitting together just right

So much time experienced by your side
Why do I yearn for more?
Should be content with memories
Let you walk out the door

An invisible string tethers me here
Tied with fear and blame
Following like a shadow
Like a moth to flame

A small voice tucked within
Whispered phony fantasies
Argued there was still hope for us
Was wrong to entertain those pleas

You take my universe in palms of your hand
With fingers firmly shake
It collapses
Manage to convince me
It was caused by MY mistake

Again you paint my world grey
Colors fade from sights eyes see
I have no right to be mad that you took them away
You are the one who gave them to me

The day you decided to leave
Without saying goodbye
Consider a sort of funeral
Let our relationship die

Twilight finds us separate places
Dwelling in a dream
I inhabit dreaded ditches
Realities worse than they seem

But I was affected more drastically
By the void left behind
You felt a bit emptier alone
I lost huge chunks of heart and mind

You carried on with your chin held high
No ghosts stalking every move
Recollection of rippling presence
Haunting hologram I can't remove

Into self-pity I throw myself
Asking for merciful end
How else will I find relief?
Tried countless ways to mend

That ends in certain failure
Lacerations cannot fully close
They bleed and bleed and bleed
Dripping out woes

And I was at breaking point
Each cell cracked and shattered
Exploded into tiny particles
Damaged
Across soil scattered

With a gust of wind was disbanded
I'm fated to retrace my tracks
Collecting pieces of my soul
Haven't yet gotten all back

You changed me irreversibly
Can't stand my reflection
Where beauty you used to know once stood
Is a paradigm of imperfection

For life of me I can't remember
When switched from hot too cold
The truth is my temperature dropped
My hand is now too icy to hold
Phew. That took awhile to get down but worth the effort. I had a hard time finding an ending but what do you think?
1.7k · Jun 2021
Closed Off Clothes On
Amanda Kay Burke Jun 2021
If I was unbroken
Heart still intact
Maybe this could work
But it's bruised
Bent
And cracked

It's surely closed off
With a lock on the door
That's the only way to protect
What's hidden in it's core

Will reveal a tiny part in time
But my world I dare not show
Not a single step allowed
Into what's harbored down below

After all I have suffered
I won't make the same mistake
If I don't display my soul
There's nothing for anyone to take
1.7k · Sep 2019
Employed
Amanda Kay Burke Sep 2019
Working hard is what we do
Each day this place we show up to
Selling pie and pastries too
Wiping tables when we're through
That's just life for me and you
Day two of my 30 day poetry challenge: write a five-line poem to the last person you texted (or fb messaged in my case since i lack a cell phone)
1.7k · Jul 2018
Diving Into Flames
Amanda Kay Burke Jul 2018
I became your hidden habit
You tried hard to conceal
You didn't think about
How being a secret made me feel

Was it easy for you
To constantly shove me aside?
No matter how you hurt me
Always came back to your side

Did you like the attention?
The hours given to you?
Enjoy blameful tears of mine
Now I'm glad we're through

Don't mistake me for a fool again
Tired of your games
Know who you really are
I'm not diving into flames
It is the things I desire that which will destroy me in the end
1.7k · Dec 2022
Picture Frame
Amanda Kay Burke Dec 2022
I was glass
You were wood

Picture frame perfect

I found in you the vibrance I was missing to display a beautiful picture

I looked empty before you
Transparent

As we grew older I learned to depend on you more and more

I stood in your stable embrace

Without your arms lack the strength to keep my thin figure upright

We were useless by ourselves

Together captured a moment to remember forever

It seems so pointless without a photo to reserve each priceless memory
A picture is worth a thousand words
Amanda Kay Burke Mar 2022
Sunrise brings realization that you are really gone
Amidst the golden beams poured onto my lawn
Morning sky wide with opportunity blue
All I'm able to focus on is you
Taking time to change your mind
The veil of denial rendering me blind
You notice me when it's required
Games have made me so ******* tired
Rays of sunshine warmly fall onto my cheeks
Have not worn an authentic smile in over three weeks
The birds sing a cheerful serenade
Their musical voices to my ears all but fade
You block any memory remaining here
Would be happier if all trace of me disappeared
Will hear your compliments if there's something you need
Motives hidden between your lines aren't hard to read
Sunset floods fire
Room filled with a glow
Goodnight said to secrets you alone will only know
Footprints on my heart because you tread upon my chest
Stomping the vulnerable parts you once caressed
You do not observe scars you left on my skin
You're too selfish
Subconsciously rubbing it in
The space you once occupied is now vacant and cold
Chasm of darkness is all it seems to hold
Blackness comes creeping as the light goes down
Relieved night cloaks my visible frown
Swallowing earth but it sticks in my throat
When it does finally reach my stomach I bloat
Bites I choked down churn in my gut
Tempted to *****
I keep my mouth shut
And fill the gaps in your life with cheap connections
Lost
Fool yourself by picking random directions
I suspect eyes will not sparkle for long
You with someone else just has to be wrong
Reality is not black and white
In fact colors are brighter because I feel grey
Don't understand how you could lose my love and be okay
Now over a year has passed and I've had to finally come to grips with the fact that you're never coming back
1.7k · Mar 2021
Time Doesn't Heal All Wounds
Amanda Kay Burke Mar 2021
They say time heals all wounds
Honestly that is *******
Sometimes it doesn't matter what you do
Pain has dug too deep of a pit
There are instances where you lack the strength
Or can't find a foothold to climb
The distance up is just too great of a length
And then what good is time?
Some cuts never quit bleeding
They just slowly run dry your veins
Every day the sting keeps on repeating
Years pass yet the hurting remains the same
Maybe not everyone but some of us have a harder time mending. Me being one of those.
1.7k · Jun 2023
Every Which Way
Amanda Kay Burke Jun 2023
Been lost too long to find the right road
To save squandered time thrown away
Backtrack the past but I'm wasting the present
Cannot erase regret
Tried every which way
I am so stuck right now
1.7k · Apr 2024
A Cut As Deep As You
Amanda Kay Burke Apr 2024
Holding on the hope you will return
For a moment think that you have
Brief impulse is all that I've earned
Resist coming completely back

I'm lying beneath skies full of stars
Frozen ground padding my head
Weakly wondering where you are
Pushing up buried expressions unsaid

The deep roots are tough to rip loose
They've been planted profoundly for so long
Forlorn because I failed to use
Fearing they'd come out wrong

Anguish has now awakened
Manifestation of my flaws
Regretting the path taken
Past a parasite that gnaws

The thought of freedom makes me laugh
Existing but actually dead
Like the way I cope with being half
Acting like I'm whole instead

Isolation is an alien feeling
Heard stories but had no clue
Hardly remember what it means to start healing
Never had a cut as deep as you
You weren't the first, but you were the worst..
1.7k · Jul 2021
Beautiful Disaster
Amanda Kay Burke Jul 2021
Yes I am a beautiful disaster
In my wake leave a bittersweet taste
A special kind of love in soul
Most of it goes to waste

I long to stop disassembling
Pieces one by one
My demons have spoken
They warn I've just begun

Hiding in the silence
I am too afraid to share
Do not like the way opening up feels
Like winter branches laid bare

Pages of heart are torn
Many stained with tears
Can judge this book by it's cover
As dark as it appears

As whispers flow throughout mind
Uttered from lips of memories
Wishing my residual sorrow
Would be carried with the breeze

Suffering rising into air
Dispersing until completely gone
Hard as I try to blow them away
Miseries keep clutching on

My words lie at bottom of my lungs
Too tired to crawl out
They weigh down my shaky breath
Until every one turns to doubt

I retreat into the shadows
Cloaked in grey and black
Waiting for happiness to return
My colors may never come back
I am a cute wreck (my version of a hot mess)
Amanda Kay Burke Aug 2021
Strange creatures stirring
Hiding them inside our skin
Bone and flesh prison
We all have demons inside us
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