I wanted you to know
Not from anger or spite
Just a sort of insight
A slight glimpse into
My shadowed side
But I'm afraid you can't hold
They are really harsh, crude and snide

I never would lie to you
But you'd cry if you knew
What life has been like
From my point of view

The hurt the fear

I never would lie to you
But you'd cry if you knew
What life has been like
From my point of view

The hurt the fear
The past that's so near
Memories so clear
They felt like yesterday
It seems never ending no matter how I pray
I struggle, I fall, I stand again.
There's just no end to how much I've got to pay

You say, you're sorry
Misunderstood me;
But no, seriously
It's not your fault truly.

I wanted to change
For the better, if only
It's just too late
I'm doomed
That's my fate

Let **** go,
You can't see the world
If you're carrying it on your shoulders

My arm is called the epic list
Displaying the anthems of my life
One by one

I've lived these moments
Heard the music loud and clear
These melodies will forever live
In the basement of my brain

Falling into the depth of my mind
I dig it up with my hand
Revealing the traffic

I'm addicted to the melancholy
No matter where I travel
We all carry a bag

I've lived these moments
Heard the music loud and clear
These melodies will forever live
In the basement of my brain

-AJT

My blessing came
in a designer gift wrap -
Karma.
The box made of Rejection.
filler sheets of many colors..
..Deceit
…Embarrassment
…..Betrayal
……Jealousy
layered on top
of some
crumpled shreds
of Self-doubt and Insecurity.

— had to tear through
some things to get
to the goods —

The best present I’ve ever gotten -
a whole new Heart;
with me forever to stay.
Solace in knowing
all the junk that came
before Her,
I get to throw away.

you turn to me but i'm not there
i'm drowning
i told you but you couldn't listen
the thoughts won't make sense
none are clear
they're surrounding
encompassing and unnerving
if i take one last breath
would you notice the body
folded neatly
lying under the baggage
you placed on my back
i can no longer support myself
but you won't take the load
stuck inside your head
and i'm stuck with you
if i stop speaking
i'll stop breathing
so i'll carry on until my
fingers are shaking too much
from lack of oxygen
or sometimes too much
i can hear my breathing
speeding up faster
ready to take off and
fly away with what's left of
my soul and spirit
that you didn't crush
still going as i recognise
the dizzy daze i'm falling into
waiting to collapse in
on myself for maybe
the last time
for a while at least
we both know it won't happen
because of you
i couldn't however much you
argue and scream and shout
or maybe it's because of her
calming my mind
ok i have to stop now
i told you it would get too much
once again i say
i'm sorry
remember me
or the old me
if you can
it wasn't your fault