perhaps it’s the false sense of security i seek—
i’d do anything to hear those sweet words murmured in my ear,
like a lullaby from the devil.
i just want to feel safe again,
and breathe in your gentle laughter and honey smile,
even if it wasn’t me you’re laughing at,
but my naivety.
"...the devil doesn't come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns, he comes dressed as everything you've ever wished for..."
he came to me on his very first day,
grey eyes welcoming,
bright, white smile so hopeful.
an angel in disguise,
came at just the right time,
not doing that again.
it started with the looks,
his eyes were glazed over and looked anything but nice,
i didn't think anything of it,
looking back now, i should've thought twice.
the only time he ever touched my lips,
was at night when he was running from those blue and red lights,
he was always running from things,
i should've known he'd run away from me.
love doesn't last,
when you still have flowers on your curtains and pink bedroom walls.
when this boy of blue,
dragged my friends away,
i didn't know what to do.
i was broken in different places,
my mother placed me on the sewing table every night,
she did everything she could,
but the pain wouldn't subside.
this angel was something different,
something that sprouted horns,
i wish i would've noticed,
before i got hung up on his thorns.
Thick and oppressive,
Cold and void of all that is pure and clean.
Like a horrid gaping maw
hungry and ready to devour
Even the dimmest of light
Shining within us.
Sinister and malevolent
As it washes over and slowly swallows the light
That illuminates all that is righteous and true.
Poisonous and vile,
Permeating and festering
As if born in the bowels of evil itself,
Hollow cries of abhorrence and loathing
Echo lost within the ebony abyss.
Oozing and penetration
Even the slightest of openings made available
By the tiniest breaks in ones emotional defenses,
And infecting all it touches like the plague.
Like a sordid petulant Fein
Stalking its victim,
Ready to pounce at any sign of weakness
And taking control of our sense of reason and sanity,
Feeding off our own insecurities and doubts,
And turning us into emotional slaves
To the dark force called jealousy.
is only an angle
In a revolution of the sun
The sun whose warmth
Depends on who it's on
I remember the light through your hair
The soft ocean air
In the summers of our youth.
But where there's light
There's darkness elsewhere
Your gold turned cold as sun bleached our hair
Salt clouded my eyes.
I'd never seen Christmas in sunny blue skies.
The frost winds of home
was my fire alone
Old smiles walked the miles
Felt in the ache in my bones
I saw myself in
the black mirrors of your eyes
The girl I didn't recognise
Recycled Pythagoras’ lies
Like the first lips of Spring’s greens
I came to see
The angle’s strength seemed in
Bullying is not confidence
Deceiving is not intelligence
Lying is not outwitting
Disparaging is not bravery
Shouting is not a better way to be heard
Preaching is not the equivalent to love and harmony
Kindness and compassion
Are not words they are actions
Those of deceit
Often delete and retreat
He will suckle
from your tits.
He will spread your legs
an unprotected present
past your clit
once he climaxes.
He will claim your womanhood
and demand that you submit
to his weakness,
calling his faults
dominance and confidence.
He will prey upon
that subconscious programming
because you do not know
your own binary coding.
He will trick you into
drinking your resistance away,
plant his pin prick
in your fertile crescent,
and if you try to erase
that lifelong mistake
he will claim
that you are a sinner.
Subdued you will
sublimate your will
for a family,
sacrificing all your dream
for the man who schemes
to enslave you.
I took a gander to the sky
The indigo and pallid lilac lights
Indulged in my resting place
Concluding my days, I was imbued
Lush and vivid strands of white
Pierced valiantly through my view
The solemn celestial light
The forgotten lights renew
Frigid hands reached out to me
They left me there, in perturbation
Of many mysteries I ceased to see
The enigma of animation
Reminiscence of a jagged pass
That split and converged
The contorted trails amass
At its beacons they emerged
In a symphony of light
Beacon of the night,
Praise be with thee, demon.
An angel descended from heaven today
It carried the key to my heart
The blessed remnants of love to sway
The notion that hailed their depart
Of many caresses that stroked my soul
The mirror that reflects my own parole
I rest there in trance
Embracing their dance
Alas, I perished to their words
An abrupt realisation unfolded
As I found myself dropping to the surface, embedded in crimson hue
The darkness flooded the gates I forgot they existed
The numbness never recollected my will
Alas, I dropped into their world
An angel clad in crimson rags
Obsidian tattered wings grasp
A gaze so sharp pierced my skull
Mourning on my plagued remains,
On a scaffold of birch
For I wished to see the light
For I descended once more
Praise be with thee, demon.
I write this with an open heart,
Even though I have no where to start.
My pain & heartbreak know no bounds,
A body so weary & a head that pounds.
I’m drowning my sorrows every single night,
Barely managing to function by saying “I’m alright”.
I was the one that ended our affair,
You told me you loved me yet don’t seem to care.
I’m lost & I’m broken without you here,
Yet every day with you I lived in fear.
I hope by day 57 I’d be feeling better,
Instead of crying in bed drafting a suicide letter.
“Lee, I love you; I hate you” in the same breath,
I feel like an addict and you are my Meth.
I don’t actually know how to move on,
How do I get over this entire love con?
The start of the healing process is in closure, don’t you find?
Not getting that is messing with my mind.
The overthinking & obsessing each and every day,
I need to know what you really felt in each & every way.
I wish I had an “off” button,
Or at the turn of a key,
Something as simple as flicking a switch,
And immediately forget you Lee.