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smc 6d
Written 26 August 2016:

today, just like every day, your song plays, on a constant loop,
in the background of my mind.
it never stops. i don’t know how to turn it off.
i can’t hold onto you, though.
i can’t keep you.
            
                you
  won’t
            let
me.

i wish i could mend the broken pieces of your heart that keep pushing me away.
i can wish, all day every day.
i have been, for years. i don’t know where it ends.
i’m here...alone, sitting on the swing that we built together...
and all i want is
To Be Where You Are.

i still wake up looking for you.
For five years, we were
together -- then apart.
we were madly in love -- then I was in love with the memory of who he was, before  more dance with pills, a “This is the last time, for real”
i saw his soul, one time, and only once, as i locked eyes with him. he let me in, through his water-blue eyes, and i sat with him in a boat on a placid, still-and-calm-as-glass lake, sharing space together, in a heavenly vacuum of peace.
never before, never again, have i Ever experienced anything so profound.
2017 september: i drove him to the airport for his flight to a treatment center in florida...where he would stay for one year. “You can visit me after 30 days, and I’ll write you as often as they’ll let me. I’ll come back for you. Will you wait for me?” the letters stopped coming in the summer of 2017. it was a year in september of 2018. it’s february 2019. i think of him almost every day, and i wonder where he is and how he is doing. i can’t help but wonder what we might have built together. i would have liked to meet him for the first time.
This world is broken.
Hypocrisy everywhere.
But it always was.
Benedict Jan 30
i can't help but look
as the man you thought i was dies
and the person i really am
crawls into bed beside you
You had my heart in your hands
You told me that I was yours
Playing with my emotional strands
But you did things behind closed doors

I stood and watched as you played me
Wishing each day that I could break free
You woke each day and said I love you
But you had a feeling that I knew

I asked you if you where a cheat
You said to me that I was wrong
But I knew for a fact you weren't so sweet
You called me back knowing my love was strong

I wish I'd just left and gone
But I came back and you said it wouldn't happen again
But you played me again like a ****
And now you've left me feeling slain
Sometimes I sit here and wonder if I was wrong
But I always ask myself did we even belong?
Because there are things in the past that I wish I could know
Like was it even worth it?
Did you ever love me?
Or was it just a show?

My heart was in tatters
You where a ******* ****
But none of that matters
You didn't want it to work

Now I'm left to pick up the pieces
Everything I had has gone
But now I know what peace is
Because I've finally moved on.
I loved you
You didn't feel the same
You were acting like you did to
It was all a big game
Yet you continued to play
With the strings of my heart
And when I lay
With you, I was falling apart

I continued to see where things would end up
But nothing came from it
And in the end I saw it closeup
You where a lying *******!
Alec Astaire Jan 22
I never was yours
So love me how you used to
Hoaxing my daft soul.
She really did fool me.
Jade Welch Jan 17
And the devil will paint his words
in the style of a Da Vinci canvas.
shatteredpoet Jan 15
when i first met you,
you were a beautiful
blue green ocean
and
your waves kissed me
before i fell asleep
and every night
i got used to
hearing you crash
against my shoreline
drifting me to sleep

but then one day
your body turned
a violent shade
of gray as
your waves roae
above me
before crashing into
me and drowning
my heart
in the waves
that once kissed me
ever so gently
Flame Jan 6
How was I supposed to know
That even though
We said the same words,
We both meant
Different things?
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