Spit the small words stuck
between the gaps of your teeth.
Before too long, they will begin
to decay the bones of your mouth.
Your smile will be stained
with things hoarded behind your lips-
Those little bits of bitterness
spread sour on your tongue.
Take a string drawn taught,
or a sharp stick
and carve out those nasty thoughts
and see just how much
your gums bleed
Some are born to their natural mothers
But oh not me
Some are adopted that is me
But the hardest thing is
When your birthmother gets married
And is ready to have a child
Thus want more to say when she has a child is force a smile
And say congrats what do you say
You keep that child but yet not me
You were young and foolish and
But now suddenly reality turns harsh and the whole thing goes too far
That's the thing they will be my half sibling
Quite hard for
Whenever I visit them or see them after they are born
I will be reminded
That they were lucky keeping their mom
While my half sibling is smiling I will be crying
For in Grief And realization hits me
Now she's ready to have a child
She actually keeps
Every time I will see that new baby
It is like a knife embedded in me
Who was adopted
Sometimes I wake up at 3 a.m.
and the phantom beat of a drum beating under me.
I saw my favorite band,
you saw her in my smile.
I wonder if you were ever mine,
if you ever planned to let me in.
Or if I was always destined to be a hazy month,
Something you remember only when you have nothing left.
Nothing about you was hazy.
You were clean cut and hard pressed,
pressing on me like a rib on a heart,
Unbearable at times.
I hope she's not another hazy May.
I hope she has so many lines and hard edges,
that Picasso himself rolls over in his grave.
But I hope you cut yourself on her edge one day,
and get swept away back to my hazy May.
You and I jokingly started.
You said to me, "I love you,"
With a joke attached.
I replied back, "I love you too,"
With my heart attached.
I felt nothing as you held it.
Maybe because it slowly melted
By your undying rage of me.
I still ask why you loved me.
Only to throw me like a clay frisbee,
and shoot with a shotgun shell
Imbued by the bitterness of you.
Pieces of it are left and it felt like hell.
I antagonized you,
I despised you,
I loathed you,
But I never stopped loving you.
I never stopped caring for you.
I hate you for leaving me.
I hate you for teaching me how to love.
I hate you for not teaching me how to stop loving you.
I remember all the shit you did to me,
But I can't find my goddamn keys!
Where are my goddamn keys?!
People are really starting to view me
As an Old Fogey!
When I ask for help,
They think I'm Homeless,
'Cause I can't get into my condominium.
Then, when I ask young women for help,
They think I'm a Sex Offender.
Maybe, I really do belong in an Institution?
I might lose my Freedom!
I should probably just just end it all right now,
Before I get locked up with those Dementia Patients!
I should just
Let go of my Bitterness,
On What I really need to remember
There was a time words were seen in colors
I saw many hues and saturation
tones and shades were not hidden
until you decapitated my heart
I gave you everything I had, not just a little
My heart, my soul, my words, my actions
I trusted you and you took it for granted
cast me aside when I needed you most
You were the one that I pursued relentlessly
I made sure I loved you 'til I bled
& at first sight of blood you fled
because you're at war with love
and after the scars you've given me
I wish I had never met you
never been in your life
because you broke me
i cant even hate you...
Her mouth muttering knives
Her lips uttering despise
She has a memory so temporary
That her hate becomes permanent
The heart she heard beating for her
The soul fulfilling her emptiness
The mind that filled her with ideas
The fight about that boy on the beach
The quarrel over that phone call
The skirmish about her revealing dress
How could you but
Remove the reminiscence of memories
Memories of events...
That'll last a lifetime
No matter how good
Or bad the lifetime is
Bitterness is a bitch
Much like her