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Jessica Hanna Sep 30
How do you feel?
At first
It was as if I had no control
Completely vulnerable
But for some reason I had no worry about that thought

My voice going in and out
Laughs slipping on dry ice
Some obnoxious
Some lay there waiting for a pick me up

Unable to focus on one thought
They come in and out
As if my brain was central station

Forever moving
Five minutes feel as though it's been an hour

Numb is the only sense coming to mind
Forgetting how to swallow
A sense of panic rises
With a blink that thought is gone

The laughs intruding
Unable to contain the air protruding out
My whole body numb

The feeling of pins and needles under my eyes
Growing heavy

Attempting to think straight
Unable to stress over anything
Everything that comes up
Gone after a blink

Being numb to pain
Unable to stress about anything
Was a dream
I never thought I could self induce

Staring
Hands jittering
A real smile plastered on my face
The laughs never seem to fade

Imagine living like this everyday
Forgetting every thought
Stresses melt away
Pain can’t even break the numbness that arose

Everything seemed to trigger a laugh
Any type of touched causing a flinch

Feeling this vulnerable was a mess
Unable to control any nerve
Arms involuntarily moving

I never thought being numb would feel so nice
Everything melted
Just call me the wicked witch of the east
Throw water on me
And watch me melt away with a smile

Throwing the thoughts away
Until the numbness slips away

Yearning for more after it completed
Never wanting to feel again
Welcoming the numbness
I already miss it.
Ksh May 11
My first love was like my first whiff of a cigarette --
Strong. Overwhelming. Suffocating.
(It was a stick of Marlboro Red if anyone's asking)

Was it too much for someone
who's never smoked or loved in their entire life?
Perhaps. Yet, there I was -- willing to fall forward,
into the abyss of the novelty of it all.

And I did.
Fall -- with the click of the lighter.
Falling -- with each inhale.
Fallen -- with each exhale.

It's been days, weeks, months, years.
I've had lighter cigarettes, flavored love,
and I still get overwhelmed and choke
and tear up even at the first whiff.

But I guess, that's where the charm is.
Not with the ashes that fall to my feet,
but the delicate pressure of lips,
the heat it holds hands with.

The beauty lies in going through the motions.
Lanz Gabor Mar 18
living in the progress
that we have created
has been so beautiful
that i'd believe in more
chances of firsts
and of fluctuations
with no one else
but with you only
03-18-2020
for g
September 24, I sat in the passenger seat of your silver BMW as we talked about Oprah, and you pretended not to know the song “ Red Solo Cup.”
Two strangers conversed as if they were old friends catching up. You placed your hand on my knee, and without skipping a beat I rested mine on yours.
When we parked I kept talking hoping it would calm the butterflies in my stomach, but it was too late you lifted my chin with your curled index finger and placed your lips on mine.
The butterflies exploded sending an electrifying shock throughout my body. My  brain was on fire, as my lips melted into yours. You pulled away with a smile While I examined your eyes, to know if you had felt it too.
Janelle Tanguin Aug 2019
I do come back
in dreams, lies
and broken down deja vu,
only I can't
find my way back to you.

I can't sneak out the old window,
I can't wait for the bus.
I can't write you letters.
I can't keep thinking of us.

How are you doing today?
I miss hearing your stories.
I miss hearing your laugh.
I miss being Eleanor.
09.16.18
21:42

(with references to Rainbow Rowell's "Eleanor and Park")
Dashalynn Jun 2019
Sheltered by your warm embrace
I lie with you  like I’ve died
When in fact I’ve never felt more alive
I watched as the moonlight danced upon your skin
Glistening under the starlight
I held you close,
I couldn’t help but think
The smell of you is simply intoxicating
all for you Mar 2019
It was 3 degrees outside
She wore a purple fuzzy headband that seemed to cover her entire head
Her large and puffy grey coat went to her knees
A grey turtleneck underneath
And those clunky duck boots
While everyone else smiled at the weekend at 3 on a Friday
She looked confused
I could only imagine what she was thinking about

It was 58 degrees outside
The headband gone
She has blonde hair that’s up in a ponytail more often than it isn’t
The coat is gone but the turtleneck is still there
It’s striped this time
She still wears the duck boots since the snow is melting away
And there are puddles with every step
She’s smiling and laughing on the phone
Trying to explain directions
I can only imagine who she’s talking to

I can see it
I can see my future in the way her hair is flipping back and forth as she walks
I can see my future in the way her face lights up when she laughs
I can see my future in the way she curls her hands into her sleeves
I can see my future in how she tries to avoid a puddle but then steps into a deeper one
I can see my future in the way that puddle ripples around her
I can see my future in the way the melting snow seems to glimmer when she passes it

I learned she got the headband for free once
When she spent too much money at her favorite store
Her grey coat is a family company she’s obviously loyal to
The grey turtleneck is from the place she got the headband from
Obviously, she tells me with an eye roll and a laugh
The duck boots keep her feet dry, even if they’re not very warm
She looked confused because she was leaving economics, her hardest class
She had just learned a new concept that all of her classmates understood
But for some reason, she couldn’t wrap her head around it

She likes that her hair is blonde
But knows it’ll turn brown one day, like her mom
So she gets highlights put in, knowing it won’t help, but hopes anyway
She’s always wearing turtlenecks because she’s always cold
It’s from the same store as the other one
Obviously
The duck boots are her favorite and her feet like them too much to wear other shoes
She’ll never admit it
But she steps in the deeper puddles on purpose because she likes how they splash
She was on the phone with her friend from high school
Directing her to the lot to park in
She’s staying over this weekend

I was right when I said my future was in her
It’s in the hair
The jacket
The turtlenecks
The headband
The boots
The confused look
The happy one
The eye roll
The laugh
The puddles
The snow
My future is her
i'm waiting for the day you'll find me, maybe it's someday soon // love always
Paige Jan 2019
When my eyes are closed
The world is beautiful
Suspended in the ethereal sound
Of my own mind working like
A ticking clock
There is music in here
It reminds me of a simpler time
Of green grass and the summer wind
Laughter and peaches
The sticky remains wetting my lips
Almost like a kiss
Or maybe
The kiss is what lingered there
Reminding me of the peaches instead
The first laugh
And the second
And the third
When I turn my sight from the present
I can remember clearly
Dancing in noiseless basements
Lying on the asphalt of an abandoned driveway
Entertaining the stars with our talks
Discussions of the world and our dreams
Of theories and beliefs and imaginings
I can feel the bravery
And the fear
The shivering rush of you
Making my spine quiver
Oh I remember
My heart has never raced so hard
My blood was never so warm
I experienced you less like a first love
And more like a thunderstorm
In awe and terrified all at once
I've never missed fear before
I fell in love with you
The way the angels fell from heaven
It felt like revival
Like coming home
Loving you felt like drowning
And flying all at once
The touch of your hand strengthened me
The loss of it shattered me
You were an earthquake
A beautiful disaster
The first truly lovely thing
And the last truly devastating
I loved you with urgency of a monsoon
With the power of a raging flood
With the mercy of the blooms in spring
And the honesty of fresh fallen snow
I grieved you when you left
I'd never felt a pain so sharp
A despair so intense
Mourning the loss of you
Was a darkness on my heart
An island of anxious thoughts
Endless nights and wary eyes
My cheeks were chapped and raw
Months were spent in silence
I couldn't speak your name
But I could scream it
And I did
I'd never begged before
But my god I begged for you
I bled myself dry for the stars
Hoping for a glimpse
Willing your face to appear
At the bottom of those stairs and then
It didn't
That hole was never filled
That place never taken
Thunderstorms crumbled to dust
The stars faded in the city light
And rain felt like muddy pant legs
Nothing was beautiful or true
I found solace in the arms of strangers
I became a stranger myself
In the end I found myself missing you anyway
Though the person I am doesn't know you
And the person I was is gone
My soul recognizes those eyes
And it will never let you go
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