My heart is nothing too you
You held it with your trembling hands
Careful as to not hold too tight
I held yours carefully too

However you held too loose
Your grip weakened and let my heart slip right through
The ****** chunk of flesh fell without excuse

You let it break and shatter
All the memories and love I stored
Splattered across every wall in front of us
To you my heart didn't matter

Walking and the air is cold
Feeling young
Conversation is old
Eyes following lips
No talk of a kiss
Just you and me
And history

and just like that
his fingertips know
after two years
they are back home

he got the
Gucci flops
Supreme top
Balenciaga bag
Hermes chain
Chanel sunglasses
Louis Vuitton jacket
Rolex on his wrist
he looks A-list

but does he have a heart?

I want to show my friends what I write here
But I am filled with fear
at what they would say
or think
about me writing online and not with ink
but here for everyone to see
and I know the things they would read
would change how they look at me
because they don't know everything
and they really don't know me

I sail along the rough ocean surface
Taking in the shattered gray and the foamy waves

I rock against the beach and feel myself back on the land
I watch as the wind takes the beach out of my hand

I lift my chin up to the air
And feel the sea breeze blow through my hair

I feel the sunshines warm embrace
and I know that I am safe

my life is not yours
it is not yours to
take
      or break
                    or make new
my life belongs to me
it is mine to
keep
         far away
                        from you

It's become a routine
Letting guys use me
I settle for below my league
Or so my friends tell me
From mental disabilities
To family issues
They still get me on my knees
I don't want to be the lock
I want to be the keys
Choosing which door I fit
Not letting them unlock me

Everytime I make plans with you
My gut clenches up
Like a fist ready to go
But I know
Already I know

I know that I'll kiss you
After buying and sharing your food
After hugging and talking
Like good old friends do

I know that I'll miss you
After kissing and setting the mood
After wishing and wanting
Like long lost lovers do

So everytime I make plans with you
My gut clenches up
But there is no fist ready to go
Just butterflies squirming
Because I already know

he does not know
how soft his lips are
how tender pressed against mine
how the corners of his eyes crinkle
when he shuts them to put his face onto mine
how my lipgloss leaves sparkles on his nose
how his eyelashes tickle my cheekbones
all these little things he does not know

I need to move forward and forget
But the image of you won't leave my head
Make it all go away
Make all of you go away
Make this heartache go away

It circles around me,
it nuzzles its face next to mine,
shouting, "Don't be afraid!
It will work out in time!"
"But what if it doesn't?"
asks the doubting voice in my mind.
"Well than it will be a lesson to learn,
that patience and hard work
don't always earn you what you deserve."

My lips may be soft,
but the words they have for you are not.

is what I have
What some people wish
They can or they may
They have or they want back
In their lives
They don't want to see it
From others eyes
They want it in their world
For love to be in their mind
The pure loneliness that they
Have in their hearts is hate over time
They try to force it into loving hearts
But not into mine

I often wonder about my own origin
I wonder how much of me is from just one woman
I also wonder if I am anything like the man
Does my DNA from her make me the good student I am
Does it explain my ever present sarcasm and attitude
I wonder if we have the same personality or mood
I wonder about my appearance and hers
Does her hair also fall down her back or shape her curves
Does it reflect in the same golden way that mine does
Does she also let hers grow too long just because

I know you from online
And from the few files I find
Is my height, or lack thereof, from you?
(After all, I'm only five foot two)
Do all my half siblings know of me, or just you?
Do you talk to my father? Does he want to meet too?

I meet you this week
17 years or 6,463 days
Not a moment too late
A reunion like an awkward first date
I was told to "expect nothing" from it
That I can easily call to just quit
But I know more everyday that I am ready
I want my family tree to be a little less webby

I want you to know I am not mad
I do not cry because I am sad
You are the reason I live the life I have
I cannot be more grateful for that

I understand the choice you made
That raising me was a price you had to pay
Your past is not something to regret
The questions I have are nothing to fret
You might fear the how's and why's
But they're the last thing on my mind
I just want to meet you for you
And to thank you for giving me the chance to live anew

I miss the long nights
And the many friends
I miss the loud laughs
And the many regrets
I miss the chances I had
To be a part of something

I miss the way everyone was
So effortlessly friendly
I miss the noises and messes
That we all created
I miss being someone
And having others around me

I miss having friends.
And being with people
I miss thriving
And feeling alive
I miss having fun
Because now it's all gone

Sometimes things have to break
To make something wonderful
Although they are full of cracks
Mosaics are beautiful

(we could be a mosaic, love)

I don't like mustaches and you remembered
You kept it till last December
When you knew you'd see me one last time
You dropped out of highschool for an extra dime
My friends say you're not good for me
And I understand
A dropout and the girl with the principal as her biggest fan
But I live for the moments we have together
From Subway dates to running home in bad weather
My friends don't get how happy I am
How I understand that you aren't a good guy, but not a bad man
You have a warrant out for your arrest
But I sometimes fail my tests
We all have our bad things, we regret and don't flaunt
But you are not one of mine, and I'm of yours I hope not
A bad analogy I understand, but take a moment to see what you can
He's a sweetheart and a charmer for sure
But he loves me for me and that's pure
I dont get guys like that much if at all these days
And I know he means good intentions in all of his ways
As bad as they may be
And my friends remind me
We mustn't judge a book from the cover
Simple as can be

The back door is unlocked so you can make yourself at home around noon

My parents are out and my friends don't need to know about you

It will just be me and you and exactly whatever you want to do

Grab me hold me kiss me throw me have me love me, see the night through

It's half past noon

Just me and you

You poured out the gasoline around me
While never losing my eyes
Telling me sweet nothings
Crossing t's and dotting i's

As you leaned in to kiss me

The flames engulfed us
And your lips never reached mine

Light green but, dark around the edges
Not emerald, more like nicely trimmed hedges
His least favorite, he preferred blue
But I can tell that it's different for you
Because I caught you once in a moment
You were kissing me with your eyes open

She sits on my lap
Plump and fat
Wrinkling my dress
I pet away all my stress

(cats are not evil)