Go to sleep...think of all the things you can not see,
These arms that for all time will never again hold me,
These dreams mean nothing. Wake up, you're alone,
Think of being in a fun place rather than an empty home,
Go to the store...you're alone at the front desk, even here,
A crowded counter but no one can really serve your needs,
Alone in all the things you do, alone and never free to be,
Alive but only breathing, isolated as on a desert island...
This is the new age we live in, lab rats in metal cages,
Fed to the point we'll pop won't make life any less bland.

Welcome to my small world...and ironically, *I am better off alone!

Gurgle**
I think I just found out that yesterdays
Tex-mex just found it's way into my throat,
That and mixed with a side of burning hot
Jalapeno mixed with a peachy fruity overload.

Circles and circles...
My head is buzzing...
I can't even think straight...
It's that time again, my friend!
Such a spicy sweet morning treat!

OK, let me seem to be the one "devil" not to honour,
A man is great enough to get the "universe's message" out,
More than 200,000,000 tune in every Sunday
To hear him, the great works fools fantasize about.

"Informing" people why they were born, what the powers are,
Tell us all about these three kings/wise men following a star,
"It's all mind candy, I tell you!" But then I'm silenced,
These people are at the top for being ignorant near and far.

They give us these messages, love each other, don't ****,
Then they bring the Saviorettes out, lambs off of battlefield,
And they bury them with gun in hand, Davy Crocket style,
There is some sort of irony in this, one that is in denial.

So I ask you why these people will spend millions,
Will fall upon their knees in front of a stupid T.V.
This farm slop, this pig wig god, in the endless billions,
To tell you what became of what you call "true history?"

Does anyone here ever wonder what happened
to the world we knew? Does it seem like
everyone isn't really into what they used to do?
I remember a time when we laughed more.
When the sky was filled with clouds
That hid dragons of myth and lore!
When we would go outside just to play
water games to pass the time, being so
hot in the summers smell of oak and pine.
Camping out was always so romantic,
And love was seeking the person, when I
Grew up days were filled with natural bliss!
Where there were always good shows to
tune in to on the afternoon television,
and someone there at school to dream of,
that you chased and always had a crush on.
This "improved" life is just a degenerate tragedy,
From now on we'll breath air that's nature free!

*What happened to yesterday? WHAT?

I never meant to hurt you, I always
Try and try. But my tears fell
On and on, That day I withered and
I died. You must know by now,
If all I say is I DO, That I need
Your hand in mine, for I do
I DO LOVE YOU...
I feel something hurt you,
But I know that I don't mean to.
I will fill your life with
Bunny rabbits and sweets since
That would please you.
Don't forget I do feel this way
Every day. I don't feel my emotions
Very well any more...I always cried.
I can't really cry much now, I tried,
I will still be there for you-
Through ALL the years.... sigh.
It will last forever. I will see
You soon. I feel you meant no harm to.

Without asking for more than the simple sweet simplicities,
I am bounded by the same laws and rules for life.
No use in explaining the values of eccentricities,
We are all tools for the media, for what they strive.
A product of the temptation for power over others, we will stay
The same forever, entrapped in ice with our sisters and brothers,
The silly dreams we have, our pursuits. A tiny bit of concern to the
Rich-who live to find the right eye liner, lip gloss-or the best set of
Nine Irons for golfing or business suits. Some day they will
Get what they deserve, some day...some day.
*But too bad for me, some day came a little too late...

The sun filled with a brightness, a flame so hot,
A white inferno that was all but witnessed from Mars,
This strange moment that came about in moments
As the sky filled with non-existent sparkling stars
And that night a bright one in the background,
Each day the sky a deep purple surrounded by clouds,
This quiet unending force that appears to have no sound,
What could it be? Why don't the people speak?
Either way no one else cares, nobody but me,
I'll be the only one, even when the sun "goes down."

Two knocks at my door,* I get up to answer-a shadow in the darkness,
A voice asks if they can come in, I don't even recognize them,
I left the door open a little too much last time, I learned not to do that.
Why, you ask? Because I was all alone and on my own then.

I walk towards the door, the voice sounds blurry, kind of faint-
As if dizzyness and despair seems in the air, I clutch the door,
Ready to open it and then without warning "something" comes
To life, I can't seem to see as "it" moves around on the floor!

Then I finally turn on the light, IT'S MY CLOTHING?
I shake it until the bag is still, it's alive somehow what do I do?
I check for the cause, I'm in the cabin loft, I can hear childish laughing-
Chanting again and again-"WELCOME TO THE BEDROOM!"
My head is reeling, I'm wide awake-is this really happening...?

Into the unknown, I walk down braving the heat
Searing and almost burning like hot cement,
Then dry and dusty like burnt sand and rocks.
I fall apart at the doorway, my strength all spent,
Falling into dusty shards of burnt ash.
Before me there is a violin playing as shadowy wraiths sung.
They sing a strange song, and I am visible to everyone,
The windows are on all sides, so I decide to run.
Up the stairs, running slow, feeling as though I can't,
Only finding a piano musty and cold, damp and old,
And I feel I am being watched as I look back
To see his red glowing eyes, as bright as coals.
Then I awaken to a forgiving night. It's cold, dark and black.

You know the hardest thing I ever had to do,
Was realize no matter what I ever knew
I would never make sense to you,
Now my words are very few
And what else is new?
My time is due,
Social ruse
I will lose,
I am

*~Through~

You can not grasp the concepts I speak,
I accept gay people for who they are,
You hold on to your dreams and weep,
Then shop the avenue with tacky stores,
You are the one who breaks into song
When there was a villain who died,
You are always there ready to go to war,
Blank faced death as you boldly stride,
You were a pillow that I would lay my
Head on, now I run from you for my life,
You were a rainbow I had wished upon,
Now there is nothing but shame all the time.

*I was the one who had a childhood to explore and dream,
Now if I am not eternally busy, work restless 8 hour days,
I fall upon my sofa and knock out after I get home,
Finally find a little time and space, there you are
To tell me I'm nothing but a complete waste,
For I'll never work out in this world until I have
Lived up to becoming a slaved out tool for money's pay.
Perhaps on the outside I seem like a disgrace, but in truth
More like a dog who never learned the tricks of the trade.

You walked into the parking lot surrounded
By the smell of cheap perfume, gasping for air,
I'd actually climbed 2 flights of stairs,
And the man who brought us to the garage
Told me that my poor baby, my poor sweet car
Was to be left in there for more than a week,
She'd sprung a leak and the doctor was saying
So much that I wish he'd just not even speak,
Cursed old man, watch when you drink the beers!
The double trouble had turned into a smashing spiral,
My banged up car was so good through the years,
It made my boring reclusive life seem so meaningful.

Well, walking into well set traps...
Convince us we're all fools,
Strip us of our cares and make
Us speak only when spoken to.

A victim on every street corner
Pandering for change, the same,
It'll be another dry penniless day,
A vague charade became a silly play,
In this play men and women are cut and dry,
Straight marriage-happily ever after-American pie.

It's always been the same, this silly little game,
And when it's over we'll just pick up the pieces,
Those idiots ruined everything for us, failures,
Before we're finished we'll blame them for it all,
The messed up elections, the crime on the streets,
It's all the libtards fault!

Or is it really? Ignorance is not to far from what makes
This world one where "winners" and "losers" take
Shots at each other, finding they were wronged again
And again and again!

Kind of like in a court room "social brawl" where
Two "feuding families" wont admit they are all at
Fault, all breeding war and pain and suffering in vain.

Your voice echoes in the halls of my mind,
Fills them with a few sweet memories
Just enough to get by until the day I die,
A vague impression that at least someone
Had love that I could seek or find the vine.

But in the end we'll all be in the room,
Standing before the alter, right? Judged.
Some sort of ideal of someone who is
Angry at the world and wants them
To get what's coming to them, no way
To break this cycle with patient time to lend.

Bitter sweet this whine, it grasps at straws,
Seeps its way into our hearts and minds
Where it finds there is someone divine,
That which we must all face his wraith,
"He'll" be the one, this God, his kingdom vast,
To fill our world with firey pain if we all
Don't confess and repent again and again.

No, I'm not here to argue that a God can't exist,*
Or tell you that no one made this world,
That we can't find ourselves in a better place to live,
All I'm saying is that if there were such a person,
Someone behind the mask who made all of this,
They'd certainly not be here to seek so much
A way to make us to pay for every wrong we ever did!

Love, what is it?
Is love a post card? Is love a fast food workers smile?
Is love a diamond ring? Is love being famous for miles and miles?
Is love candy on the counter? A dozen thorn-less roses?
Is love the camera for which everyone poses?
Is love owning a car and working all day?
Is love a pack of cards and a slot machine to play?

But what is it?*
Or why don't we all admit it, love is being the
Person who will stick with you even if you're gay,
Even if you have no technology, or you're only creatively gifted,
Maybe even a little eccentric, or not quite religiously inclined,
Love is what the honest heart, the birds and the bees,
What natural affection always had in mind.

The pretty devil,
Dressed well,
Full pouting lips,
Cheap perfume smell,
Gets you every time,
All you need
Is to play divine,
Living in your own world,
Boys worship every step,
Although your striped stockings
Seem as if they'll curl.

Live each day as though it were your last,
That's a good advice to take,
Too bad I'm still fixing up my past,
The miles I've got to go, all that's at stake.

Sound advice, a troubled life.

And your face, is it really you?
You see, I've met dozens in my
Life who seem legitimate friends,
But most of them all turn out the
Same, eccentric hating, self centered,
Abusive hypocrites and liars to the end.

Sound advice, a troubled life.

Why did I not take their advice?
I could make ends meet if I had a wife,
Don't know why I have to live in spite,
Did I ever say I wanted marriage in my life?*

Sound advice, a troubled life.

Grown Up "Cool Kids"*

Nowadays cool kids are wearing business
Suits *and  ties all the boring time,

Nowadays cool kids are chewing tobacco
Drinking Budweiser AND wine,

Nowadays cool kids are driving break neck
Speed to get to everyday places,

Nowadays cool kids are going to war and
Using bombs to "save us,"

Nowadays cool kids are paying $6,000 for
The cheapest pair of braces,

So this is what being "cool" is all about?
And this is what makes America so proud?

Where I come from being cool is being wise,
Staying clean and sober, honest girls and guys,
Who don't have to hurt their health
Just to have a really good time.

I will never be **** again,
At least never seen,
You know it's kind of funny,
That's my personal dream.

LUCKY ME

But I'm all alone, society kills,
All I do is wait and watch,
The grassy green, the blackened hills,
The warzone and it's total loss.

But I'll just "shower in my clothes,"
Or move out when I have no support,
I'll be a misery and no one knows,
Cares about why I'm so forlorn.

Time passes, set my nudist free,
So I'll no longer have to live
In this banged up pos society.

Look if you don't like my poetry
That's perfectly ok,
Lord knows I'm such a failure,
And they **** anyway!

If I had a dime for every poem or song I wrote
That never made it, I'd be a millionaire,
If I had to survive by my own creations,
Be my own boss, I'd be a total dead scare.

I sit upon my throne of a bench and drink my coffee,
All day long I play games or play the piano,
The smell of dark roasted black, strangely so sweet,
And just wait or watch the flowers and grass grow.

Just a moment, give me a second to explain my life,
Popcorn popped at the stove sits, I look like lurch,
It's just like that, things that we pay for Movie Time,
I wasn't the least bit interested in going to church.

So I ask myself where are we going from here?
Anyone else notice these rules seem quite austere?
I wonder if I'm the only one who wonders far or near
If I could get a job that matters in even 10 years?

But what does it matter, I guess this way of life's my fault,
I will just get fatter, such a noble way to excuse my waste line,
As each day grows longer, I'm just likely to somehow evolve
Into another one of those guys who is just a waste of time.

Why if I had my way-don't get me wrong-this wouldn't be,
I'd live like a wild man would, a Robinson Crusoe, oh dear me.
Why I have to feel so down all the time? Well it's all so free,
I live in the land of the free, free to become a casualty
Of corporate competition, whether I meant to be,
Wouldn't really matter, like that means anything.

And the answers always been that I'm alone with my dream,
We already "knew" you had a way out of everything,
You just happen to lack the needed ambition to leave son,
So get with it your life is none of our concern or anything.

Dear wounded, lost and powerless one, alone having "fun,"
Even in your darkest, most horrible despair,  consolations.

Father, I have a confession, I admit I smoke one joint weekly,
Father I have a confession, I admit I think about having of ***,
Father I have a confession, I admit I question authority,
Father I have a confession, I admit I sometimes write improper text,
Father I have a confession, I admit to being wild at my bachelor party,
Father I have a confession, I admit to being by myself when I'm alone,
Father I have a confession, I admit I have partied hard at the fraternity,

Father I have a confession...that I confess to you things I wouldn't
Need to confess to any stranger, and I don't even know you like this
At all, and how do I know FOR SURE that this is all confidential?

Right...I get it...YOU JUST DO...sorry, whatever, my bad!
Still this is the creepiest confessional that I have ever had.

It took me years to get where I am at, and now I'm "nowhere"
It took me months to plan to move and now I'm "stuck here"
It took me days to come up with ideas to write poems, and now "this one stinks"-like always
It took me hours to get to sleep, and now I can't go back to sleep
And for once in my life, I just wish the world could just go away or I could just disappear and get people to *stop looking at me like that!

There was a doorway I wanted to go through,
The darkness and heartbreak blocking the way,
Flooding me with memories of pain
And I never thought I'd see you again.
Through the town we drove with our friends,
Painted ourselves naked with words of love.
It's lovely to be different, and good to depend
On the people you know are not hiding above
In towns and streets and houses and valleys,
You could almost have known them but never seen.
And then the piano I was starting to play
I found lovers and friends listening
And I saw you and called you by name,
You answered it was you, your eyes glistening

Cradled in her care, life begins young and fair,
Somehow over space and time
We seem to know  what's really there,
And when we die we are strewn
Like fallen angels made of dead leaves,
Around the yard of nature to be raked,
No matter what we want to believe,
Through all the years that it will take.

No matter how far we will traverse,
Even with unquestioned religion well rehearsed,
Renewed in morning dew, mile after mile,
All become the fruit of a compost pile.*

But that's not true, is it?
Life began with one quick sentence,
A crack of light-it must be legit,
Moulded clay, a rib from Adam,
In the end we all just turn to dust,
Hell will freeze over if it must,
So you can never ever trust us again,
New-age science is just stupidity then.

In just moments*
All were blown away
By the exposure in red,
All I could think of
Was the pouring "blood,"
That my values were dead.
Focusing on my face,
The camera takes an image,
What I looked like seconds
Before my imagined carnage,
Unfolding right in front of the lens,
Spilling my feelings out for once.
Still I only dreamt of it every night,
I'd finally ended it now in hysteria,
Spraying  my worthless "blood" that
Spattered and ruined your camera.

I have a little light left by the stream,
Between the narrow side walk
And the highway that ran over
My silly pointless nature dreams.

A person can speak a thousand words
And still fall short of grand or ill works,
Listen well if you will, these may in fact
Be my last statements,
Should I die tomorrow,
Next week,
Next month,
Next year or in decades,
I've written all you can withstand,
Expressed my feelings too soon.
Why should you need to care? I'll write letters of
Apology, sent via telegram from the moon.