The silence in this world is ringing
Ringing like the unanswered phones left on the line
Because no one is home to hear
the shrill call of an unanswered voice just begging
Begging for one more shot at whatever sordid mess they’ve left behind
Because the future is ahead and it’s scaring them.
Please, just let me come home.
Home was never safe, it was never warm,
It was just a place for childhood embers burnt fast by the age of 12, no, 11, no, 10,
But then I still beg to go back because life’s ahead, mom,
And they’re calling my name but I cover my eyes
Because all I hear is the shrill call of an unanswered voice
Begging me to amount to all that I’m worth,
To take strides on horizons I can hardly fathom
Because out there, they’re looking for a shadow to their sunset.
A step away, a reach, a grasp,
But I let it fall from my hands and crash
Graceless, inelegant, twisted, metamorphosed into a nightmare I’ll never catch.
Because these walls are a sanctuary
Where the hands that cover my eyes and
The hands that cover my ears protect me
From the world’s volatility,
and the one thing I grasp;
in the highest degree.
So fire your bullets, because they’ll only ricochet,
This isn’t invincibility,
Just conciliatory me
Bending, twisting, metamorphosed into
a grotesque shape
a nightmare I’ll become
When someday there’s a ringing in my head
Of an unanswered phone left on the line.
I don’t want to hear it;
The shrill call of an unanswered voice just begging
Begging for one more shot at the broken pieces,
This puzzle strewn across the floor
Like it’s always been there
just never seen before,
Because you only see the flash after you hear the bang
And it’s all over.
It’s too late.
The phone keeps ringing.
I wrote this at the beginning of the month. It's a new style for me, one I've been exposed to a lot more lately, and it's very satisfying to write in the throws of an anxiety attack x