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Amanda Kay Burke Nov 2020
I thought I wanted to be clean
Never had that with you
Always been too complacent
Found myself addicted too

But forgive me for fantasizing
Hard to give this one up
It seems like we call for a refill
Right before we reach the bottom of the cup

You will not ever call it quits
There's still that awful hope
Inside that keeps me holding on
Have never quite been able to cope

With the idea of living without your touch
Maybe I need to accept
Never be able to breathe alone
Do anything to forget

So I'll try to abstain from drugs
Hurt by own expectations
Hollow and heavy simultaneously
Feeding our eternal damnations

There is an ocean dragging down
Sinking right there with you
Determined to catch or pull ahead
Save or at least crash before you do

Breeding loneliness
Quiet rooms
The parts that we lost
The color no longer flushing our cheeks
Eyes forever glossed

Stuck finding you becoming stronger
To my surprise
Your thoughts to me as they appear
They're corrupted with lies

Silence reveals missing self-truths we seek
Tell myself to focus on it
You often provoke me to anger
I can only blame you a bit

Tell you that you are wonderful
I love you for who you are
Part of me burns with envy
Alone
I sit somewhere far

It is easier to fight than explain
I'm upset when nothing's wrong
Feelings the result of hormones
Chemicals in my skull so strong

Emotions can't seem to stop
I have to maintain
Over and over they openly try to control me
Inside of my brain

I feel depression sinking deeper
With overwhelming fear
Time has taken its toll on us
Do you want to be here?
I've finally had it. This time I mean it when I say either get clean with me or live without me. I've never been one for ultimatums but I cant take the pain anymore.
B D Caissie Sep 2019
I'm cross-legged on a sandy floor encircled by a seamless wall of glass.
The future lies beneath me and clouds above cast shadows of my past.

The sand beneath is spiraling down and with each grain a speck of time.
Lost in my complacency until I slip through the hourglass that's mine.

Your despondent eyes are watching me while my world is turned upside down.
Then the sands of time come pouring down and bury me in the ground.


©
Em MacKenzie Aug 2019
I spotted a fortune teller at an old county fair
while knowing the answers I still looked for some there.
There was no love line or fate line she could’ve read,
I told her I bet there’s no sun line, life line or trace of a head.
She met my eyes with sadness written all over her face,
and told me out of all people that I was her worst case.
She traced the inside of my hand intently trying to see
then she asked me had I recently been burned severely.

In my death bed I’ve been waiting patiently for sleep
sadly I’m not the one it wishes to greet.
With past scars and present fresh wounds tunnelling down so deep,
loss of blood and mind so I’m left as just a sack of meat.

A loving caress to each feature
but succeed in only poking the bone,
and every single living creature
dies completely alone.
She was a rainbow and I; charcoal grey,
they all choose to go but claim they wish to stay.

The beeping bouncing off the wall
steady like sirens or alarms,
and at the end of it all
we all die in our own arms.
She was a rainbow and I; charcoal grey,
I still catch her glow but it’s fading away,
I know it could never last, but I still have to pray,
‘cause I am the past and she’s only in today.

I’ve acted strong and kept up this ruse,
atleast I can say I’ve always been brave,
but when I’m not digging up the past, ghosts or clues,
I’ve steadily been digging my own grave.

No lines, no ties, not a single strand.
I’ve got the palmist right in the palm of my hand.
Points to those who get the Donnie Darko and Sopranos references.
Autmn T May 2019
And the people who are extensions of you breathe monoxide and speak with the sound of shrewd drills. I can't help but hear your voice through their wreckage.
“When you have to make a choice and don't make it, that is in itself a choice.” -William James
Tony Tweedy Mar 2019
Have you ever reached a crossroad in your life and with complacency or with fear of what left or right offers or entails, at high speed powered on, only to find it was actually a T junction?
Only then you realise that life has no reverse gear and that some walls are very hard?
Em MacKenzie Nov 2018
Tell me I’m not stupid for allowing myself to feel,
searching out for the next wound before letting the former heal,
I’ve been convincing myself that the invisible path is real,
but it’s not wide enough for two; one can stand and one can kneel.

If there’s anything in this world that tightens my chest,
it’s the moment I am strangled by vulnerability.
I keep it chained away to the very best,
to the very best of all my abilities.
Take all those thrown away phrases
and piece them back together to hit my ears
it’s funny how the long silence still amazes,
amazes me after all these quiet years.

Are you Sonic the hedgehog,
‘cause this is a chaos emerald.
Wipe away the tears to see the fog,
my world shakes when once it trembled.
I’ve got an easy road ahead of me
where the path could be so easy,
but I’m drawn to walk into the sea,
I wish that instinctive pull would leave me.

We humans are such destructive creatures
we turn soil to scorched earth with just one touch.
It’s the curse of emotions and all it features,
makes us decline a cast and accept a crutch.
We fall prey to our monsters like a disease,
do I pick life support or a clean cut cure?
A solid steel spine or weak and shaking knees?
Toxic lungs or a gasp of air too pure?

Should I swallow this gulp of mundane routine
conform and erase all individuality?
The white picket fence in photographs is so pristine
but it’s covered in dust and mold the naked eye can’t see.

My storybook ending is incomplete
as I didn’t much care for the ending.
I traded in tragedy instead of something sweet,
‘cause I’ve never been so good at pretending.
All along there are holes both in the souls and plot,
and I wish to roll but can’t afford the toll as empty hands are all I got
mslu Nov 2018
serendipity

i've dipped in and out

the mountains i thought i moved took back their strength

and in the taking,
cracked open the ground

leaving me off-balance than before

yes, i should've fought back but


serendipity

i stay dipping in and out

there's no such thing as control

no such thing as handled

a loose grip

had me falling through the cracks
and as i fell onto hard times

the darkness welcomed me

so i stayed

. . .
Em MacKenzie May 2018
I speak inside my brain
and then my heart replies.
I've lived my life as the rain
falling down from the vacant skies.
I told you that I loved you
and truer words were never spoken,
but how much can one person do,
when paradise is broken?

I turn my back on memories
but they still slap me in the face,
the emotions get the best of me
when I'm standing in the wrong place.
I told you that I'd keep you dry
even though I myself was soakin'
but how hard can one person try
when paradise is broken?

The pastel colours were fake,
except the black and white,
I shaded it all for the sake
it was not pleasing to my sight.
In every single dream I drown,
I always give up on that fight,
until I'm buried in the ground
I'll dream that struggle every night.

Heaven is over occupied
they stopped letting just any folk in,
and purgatory is mystified
'cause paradise is broken.

I long for the free birds
with their hazardous flapping wing
and the way they spin their words
into gentle songs we sing.
I told you I was missing my mind
I just could never rope it in,
how much can one person find
when paradise is broken.

The pastel colours were fake,
except for the black and white,
I needed the blue for a lake,
and the red for the ****** fight.
In every dream I'm alone,
I try to change that with all my might,
you spoke aloud in a wrong tone
but atleast the words were right.

Heaven is over occupied
I wish I never had woken,
and Hell is now justified
cause paradise is broken.

You own; each beat from my chest, both lungs and every breath,
what I have and all the rest,
my life until my death.
Sarah Elizabeth Nov 2017
Why
Do I always mess things up?
Turning
Friendship into crush into lack of said friendship.
I
Do not intentionally like those who seem to get me best,
But I,
Do not know how to not mess this up.
I
do not know how to not like her.
See I,
I have a girl crush.
The first since I was 15
So please
Don't take this, or my feelings too lightly;
And,
Because I'm not in a rush to
Tell her how I feel
I
Manage to be complacent with her friendship,
And her company.
See she
Could either become my best friend,
Or my nothing.
Because girl crushes,
For me,
Have always been nothing but unrealistic
Feelings unrequited,
Unreturned,
Unsatisfied;
So I
Shovel them into the mass grave of
Thoughts
And emotions
In hope that,
One day,
She'll dig them up like buried treasure
And treasure them
As if they were her own.
But how
Will she ever find their tombstone
If she doesn't even know what she's looking for?
Lost,
I ask for Her advice.
She
Always seems to have the best advice:
"follow your heart." she offers to me,
But,
Little does she know that means I would have to follow her all day and
I
Don't care much for being a shadow.
I
Ask her how to tell someone the truth about my emotions and she answers:
"With honesty"
And honesty
May always be the best policy for her,
But for me,
Only lies are worth living while I
Lay with someone else,
And the lies I tell myself.
So she
Stays in the dark of my feelings
And the real questions I want to ask
Like
"Should I let us remain friends? Or should I try to make us more?"
Make me
Into
Her companion
A
Two girl coven
With no room
For anything other than magic
And unmade memories
An
Empty grimoire
Filled with
Blank Polaroids,
Uncast spells,
And unspoken words
Of feelings unshared.
I
Don't mind the idea of a relationship unhad
But my brain
flickers like a broken street light
In warning that my feelings towards others are only fake
Refusing to let me ignore that he
Is nowhere close to she,
And that she
Will never truly care for me.
Not so long as she is oblivious,
And I am dishonest.
Complacency doesn't have to be negative, does it?
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