Humans accept the love they think they deserve...
and I hate myself.
Maybe that's why I always stayed.
I enjoyed the pain...
Thriving on the punishment... I abused myself,
so it never mattered if you joined in on the fun.
I crave the hurt...
desperate to feel anything at all,
the pain is better than endless nothingness.
Toxic yet addicted,
ruined yet held together... yours to destroy.
Boys have their own melody,
sweet and susceptible.
Leave them be,
their songs will be unheard.
Fathers who break their rhythm,
are the most spiteful of men.
They breed to inflict pain,
they sustain the cycle of odium.
Sons who can't play their songs,
only have shattered remains.
They shaped into melancholy,
The men who get the blues
Oh father, father, father.
Where have you gone?
What have you done?
There is a ghost that beginning to look a little like you.
Lets raise a toast, father.
To the man that is never home,
To the man who does not love,
To the man who never has a plan.
Oh, father, father, father.
Look at what you have done.
Your children have stopped caring.
Your wife has given up.
Who do you have left?
You live here, but you may as well not.
You make these promises and stab us in the back.
I love you, daddy.
Can't you see?
You've ruined me.
You've ruined my siblings.
You've ruined my mother.
Remember? Always and forever?
I think it is time to let go,
and say our goodbyes.
i've bet you noticed,
i refer to you as Love,
with a capital
that is how i recognize you,
when i write and you shouldn't know.
because that would jeopardize what we have now,
and that is the very last thing i want to do.
but you are smart
you've probably figured it out.
please do not get upset with me.
i need this.
i can speak to you without having to fear a response.
i do not have to think of what to say next.
i can express my feelings without ruining anything,
at least, i hope not...
I am broken.
I am shattered.
I am Ruined.
I am all that everyone claims I am;
Ah, but I am not.
All the words, yet,
No truth in them.
They, not God,
Mold me –
Glass in fervid flames –
Until it cools,
your hands are on me
you made me bad
disgusting, rotten and
you spoiled my innocence
my ability to trust
you erased my childhood with your
all i can see is your hands
everywhere they shouldn’t be
they’re suffocating me and you’re
you’re damn near evil
you’re just a memory
i hope you burn, bleed, drown
And sometimes when I'm with him I have to do a double take because the words that spill out of his mouth are the same words that fell off the tip of your tongue. Sometimes he reminds me of you and in those moments I feel as though I'm suffocating and I just wish you would release your grip on me. I'm trying to move on but I'm too afraid of making the same mistake twice. So when he opens his mouth and your words fall off of his tongue, I'm scared of what we could become. I'm scared that he's going to be exactly like you and I refuse to put myself through that again- especially not after I've spent so much time rebuilding every wall I let you knock down. My walls are thicker now and I don't know how to let anyone in. I'm scared of loving someone again and having them turn out to be like you. And the worst part is it's not fair to him that I can't let him in. It's not his fault I can't have a conversation about dating without feeling like I can't breathe. It's not his fault that having other people acknowledge the fact that we have a thing makes me want to end everything and run in the opposite direction. And it's not his fault that he deserves the world and I just don't think I can give it to him. It's my fault because I look at him and I see a glimpse of how i could get trapped in yet another toxic relationship.
Sure, I've ruined it again!
Follow me around like I'm the actual
And only problem. You'll eventually get yours!
So you think I'm the ultimate biggest of fools?
(Well, for once and for all, check yourself!)
Nice people finish last, and there's nothing nice
About going around with personal problems, that I
Have to fit your personal standard, even when they
Are following all of the standard rules!
Glancing again, what happened?
Why did they die?
Have they seen us, the poeple?
For whom they fought bravely
Holding hope, the only weapon
The only inspiration, dragged out
Then go through every aspects
Slavery, prison, torture, death
Or more, living worse than death
You can see how it turned well?
And still ruining the whole respect
Hell, we brought the laws, divided
Race, cast, religion, gender, wealth
Can you think about anything else
Done with it, where they left, we start