Sometimes I don’t care if you’re listening
But I at least want to be heard
Emptiness is devouring me alive
I feel alone, even when I have a company
Of the people I love of the people I don't
My mind is drowned in the thought of self-doubt of which from long I had no epiphany.
I am having a hard time expressing myself
There are loads of things I have to say
A sense of inferiority has settled into my bleak thoughts
Knowing there are many people to whom I can, silent I stay
Anxiety has me trapped. I feel suffocated
My ribs are strangled. I cannot breathe, I am in pain
I no longer know whom to speak to and whom to not
All my efforts towards all the people have always gone in vain
The people I once had a close touch with
Have now become mere memories. The ones tickling me bliss, the ones inciting grief
I am invisible to all though, I am always right there
I am tired of getting ignored. I feel like I am an ugly withered leaf
The pain of being ignored is too much to bear
I try to talk but no one wants to hear.
I hope one day someone will listen to me.
It's painful not being heard please see me I plea.
But alas! No one will.
So I have to endure the loneliness until my heart beats still.
You asked what am I?
I am just a bunch of unanswered questions which you always ignore and sideline!
Just a face to your questions,
from which you want to escape!
You sent that risky text
Shot your shot as they say
Waited nervously for a reply
But to no avail
An hour passed by and you think
“Maybe he’s busy”
But an hour turns into three
Now you’re sitting alone
In your feelings by your phone
Scrolling social media trying to figure out when he was last active
A bottle in your hand to soothe the pain and embarrassment
Vowing never again
They clap our backs, nod their heads
Look down and distant smile
When we tug at their t-shirts
And ask to be heard
Their gazes wander, and block their ears
Sneak a look at the television
They sit us down, telling us to talk
And in between, stand up when their phones ring
They tell us that you will do great things some day
That the world rests upon your hands
You will climb to the top and pull each other up
But keep pushing us down instead
They tell us that you are the future
And dive out of our thoughts
They think it is an excuse
For sizing us up, and declaring us not enough
Not yet, they say. Not now, they murmur
Have you ever thought that
We don't want to be the future
Because we need to be the present?
That we don't want to lead the world
But instead, just live in it?
That before we want to do things that are great
We just want to live in a world that is?
All I wanted was to talk:
to have another acknowledge these events
That tore my life to shreds.
When I did speak,
It was instantly flipped or ignored.
So I said enough, I'm not doing this anymore.
I will not give to those who only take
Or to hear my stories so they can create
A reality which would leave me
The center of their entertainment.
I am not a joke,
Nor is my life at any rate,
I admit I was clingy, I admit I lost connections
I thought were worthy of pursuing
Because I needed support early in the friendship.
They didn't know
I was in anguish
Or perhaps they didn't care.
I was left standing there.
My screams were muted,
My statements unheard.
The help I needed
Was blatantly ignored
I'm now silent
To prevent these losses
Because apparently people
Don't know how to handle these problems
If my feelings were written in words
The lines would never end
A never ending story
Of pages filled with nothing
And everything at once
As if my life was nothing more
And without wouldn't be at all
Now everything that is
Sits quietly in your hand
And without a single glance
I am put back
In just another ones dusty shelf