I just wish people could understand about my wellbeing without I had to tell it to them.
Because sometimes a little part of me wanted me to hurt myself so that the pain that hurting my mind and soul, could just go away and replace by the pain from the blood that was dripping all over my hand.
Its better that way. Rather to be in pain silently and slowly falling apart.
I was having a sudden mental breakdown. That moment I realize how stuck and lonely I am, that I’m always been ignore.
Oops I did it again That will be another scar It will bleed It will hurt It will be like me
Oops I did it again Only he can cry I can't I try But I fail
Oops I did it again I let the river flow out of my arm I let the bed sheets get stained again I let my room fill with this dark red fluid It happened again
Oops I did it again I let my self go I just did it This time is has been more deeper than ever This will bleed for a while
Oops I did it again I feel this warm trickle flow down my arm I am sitting here shirt less I am getting cold, I have to be But yet I don't feel it I don't cry I don't shiver I feel nothing I am nothing I just need to be gone I am not human anymore
I don't think they know.. How much it hurts to be me. To haul the cross of others sins. To be weighed down by the strain of others emotions. I would rather drown just to keep them breathing. Feeling like I am sacrificing my own self, for the painlessness of others. Never expecting recognition or gratitude, Or anything else in return. Maybe just some acknowledgement, that I'm hurting too. (maybe even more than you)
Death I can tell you have always wonder what it would feel like to die. Would it be painless, will you remember the ones you loved, or will you see how they talked about you when you were not around? Will they even notice your gone or will they be over it in a day only talking about you to have others feel bad? Will the people who hated you the most talk bad about you like always or will they pretend that you were their best friend?
Who would of thought emotional numbness made you physically numb? When they stuck the needle in my arm it felt like being pinched but not stung. Or when I jumped out of a car no air was knocked from my lungs. When I stapled my arm there was no pain that had sprung; And there's something about living while feeling so dead. It's like reading a story that you've already read. It's like living your life but on your deathbed. It's like repeating a line that's always been said. It's like pulling the trigger with a gun to your head. Something about living life from a third person point of view. Is what makes me feel less alive that's all I've know to be true.