Every morning I lock myself in the closet.
I look myself in the eyes and sigh,
before I bind my hands and shove myself in.
I lock the door.
There are many locks. Bolts too.
Big ones, small ones
Old ones, new ones
I fasten them all before I leave.
I cry to myself as I sit in the dark,
my arms numb from my restraints.
Even as each day grinds past
and responsibilities come and go.
Sometimes when I get home at night
I will kick the door
to remind myself I'm still in there.
The locks rattle and strain.
I yell at myself to shut up.
I hate what's beyond that door.
I wish she'd stay quiet.
I wish he'd set me free.
I guess I just dislike my hair
I keep saying how much shorter I want it
Even though I love my locks
They stole my keys
Standing in the middle of my life
Locks on the house
Double down the doorway
Cut them all I say
who put all of this here anyways
This poem is self translated version of my Hindi language poem titled "शिव लीला" published in pratilipi on (June. 2018) Can be read through the link ==>> https://bit.ly/2Z9Z57t
His neck has entirely turned blue due to Kalkoot, This is just a Leela of Shiva
He has taken everyone's pain and sorrow for the betterment of the world
He is the keeper of all the three loka's and also called as Trilokinath
He hold the holy Ganga in his locks, but do not drinks a drop from it
He sits on the yellow Tiger skin mat and keeps meditating for years to come
He satiates hunger by Datura and Madaar and drinks Bhang to quench thirst
He has a marvellous third eye through which all the three lokas are visible
Sitting in the Mahayoga posture, He keeps on concentrating and meditating
Brahma and Vishnu also bows before him with respect and feels blessed
Such a beautiful holy Leela of Shiva. Nothing else but Shiva's holy Leela
Kalkoot(Line 1): A poison generated due to Samudra Manthan ( The Churning of the Ocean by Devtas[Gods] and Asuras[Demons] )
Leela(Line 1): "Divine Play" (Just a pastime)
Shiva(Line 1): A God (The Destroyer) in Hindu Mythology
Loka(Line 3): Three three different worlds/realms. Swargaloka, the land of gods; Mrityuloka, the middle kingdom of men; and Pataloka, home of the Asuras, the fallen gods, and demons.
Trilokinath(Line 3): The Lord of the Three world/realms.
Ganga (Line 4): The Holy river whose flow and speed is controlled by the locks (Jatas - The thick hair strands) of Lord Shiiva
Datura and Madaar (Line 6): Poisonous plants (Datura stramonium and Calotropis gigantean)
Bhang (Line 6): Poisonous plants (Cannabis Plant)
Mahayoga (Line 8): Also called as Mahamudra – The Great Gesture (a posture for meditating)
The World is not real its Maya. Its the Divine Play of God
A little piece of
my soul comes out.
Everytime I see you.
with your golden locks.
those beautiful eyes
lighted up by the sun.
I could talk about you all day.
I crawled up and died
in your throat last week
you only tasted my remains
for three days this time
the burning in your eyes
from unwashed hands
doesn’t bother you anymore
how come you changed the locks
two times over just yesterday
and once more today
I've shed my skin
Rolled up my sleeves
Let you in
Now my heart just bleeds
I've taken off the mask
Set it aside
But if you ask
I'll put it back inside
Nobody seems to understand
Not you, not me, my family, or my friends
I'll never let anybody near again
Their is no sort of hell for the trip we took
I bloodied my knuckles and stabbed myself
You cried your eyes to your knees
You've erupted into a flowing river of hate
I stand by your door and hopelessly wait
For you to realize i STILL love you.
My cold being is in transition
The icy crater I create in fear of monsters
Yet you erupt and I slide back down my hole
Escaping your roar and claws
Reaching for the only thing I have left
I hold myself and calmly say "this is a nightmare".
I do not sleep in peace
I assume your position hovers above me
I assume you can weaken my defenses
Unlock my door with a glance
I fall asleep in fear that the monsters will release themselves,
That angry beast summons itself and destroys us both.
I say the way to unlock it is to open it
and I am not wrong, as if it was merely a trick question as to how you get said door open
and no one knew until they opened it to see if I was okay
Please don’t ask me what this means because I don’t know