This is the tough exterior
march in docs and denim
head down
cover face with hair, but
crack me open
this soft interior
leaks, drips, pools
I am blood, flesh, water
push and dent me
bruise turning blue
wish for gentler settings
my body stings
remove the make-up
scrunch up eyes
I am not who I used to be.

How much coping is okay
before you become pathetic?
Everything goes so fast
and I’m not sure I can even hold on
Crying in my closet
only serves to help my breathing calm down
but in the long run
I’ll still be crying again
I can’t drive
or make phone calls
because of my anxiety
How can I call myself an adult?
Everyone else is running so far ahead
I’m so scared of being left behind again
And yet
Opportunities present themselves to me
And I run for them
I work hard
harder
hardest
but I’m never satisfied
and it’s never good enough
yet still I run
I don’t want to let them go
But it’s overwhelming
and I’m not enough
I don’t understand
how people blame God
for their circumstances or
personality
I still find myself apologising to Him
for the way that I am
Everything feels like a personal failure
I could’ve prevented
It’s hard to find balance
it’s hard to discern truth
it’s hard to know
what to believe inside of myself
I’ll still keep moving
because it’s all I know how to do
because there are people
I can’t let down
But I need a break
I need a rest
The world is overwhelming
and scary
And I’m still trying to find
my courage
and strength
I’m still hurting
and I’m still here
just me

Youth transforms us before days expire,
And my youth is new and my days are long
There are bulks of knowledge to acquire,
About manly nature and muscles strong
I sought to comfort my newly manhood,
With strokes of a pleasurable feeling
Behold the innocence of my boyhood,
Escape its enclosure through the ceiling
I felt a fleet of foreign sensations,
When lust ignited a luscious fire
The gentle gift of a Woman’s patience,
Is the cure to my deepest desire
     My body is ripe with a burning need,
     To cover Her fields in erupting seed

Today I ran through the archives of the extensive library of memory,
in there I found various books with titles I have been longing to read;

"Days of shimmering sunshine,"
"Friendships forged for life,"
"The purple Barney I played with,"
"The best"
and "The worst."

I browsed through myriads of red and navy blue leatherbacks,
only to realize I found myself.

I found that it contained my dreams,
my fears,
my hopes
and even the reason for the selection of my favorite chocolate.

Memory reminds us of our essence.
The essence that brings tranquility to our souls on a chaotic day,
an essence that reminds us of our path that brought us to the destination of today.

Visit the library of memory often,
and remember to take a cup of steaming tea.

Growing old is gracefully (or not)
accepting the passage of time.
Generally speaking,
you have no choice.

Growing up is being slapped
in the face with the understanding
that you must be the hero
you have been waiting on
your entire life.

Growing up and growing old -
there's a difference,
but both will break your heart.

Please always wear your hair like that,
The blonde waves just above your shoulders.
Don’t let anyone tell you that it’s ugly,
Or that you should do it a different way.
Please always have your upbeat attitude,
Your willingness to learn,
Your happiness at the little things.
Please always have your childish sense of
Bathroom humor, and please never let the world
Change how you see yourself and others.
This world will harp and pick at you,
Trying to destroy you in any way it can.
But I’m begging you,
Be stronger than the world.
Rise above it, because your innocence, purity, and
Happiness is so precious, so irreplaceable.
So easily tainted.
Just please, please,
Never grow up.