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Kennedy Nov 2020
its been two weeks,
where are You?
You told me this would work.
You gave me the instruction manual
and taught me the most efficient way.
You taught me exactly where pieces went,
the perfect lethal concoction.
was no one else informed?
the plan was simple,
one incision, several empty bottles.
one ride home.
what happened?
i signed the paperwork,
packed my paperbag
filled with two days of meaningless papers,
i did the workshops,
talked to the suits
and told them everything.
You gave simple instructions,
two phone calls a day,
say nothing, do everything.
You didn't come to meet me at first.
i waited,
i put it off for hours,
You promised to be there.
You were supposed to be.
it doesn't matter anyways,
if You're not here yet, You will be.
traffic is bad, it has to be.
You wouldn't miss this.
You're picking me up today
it's in the plan
it's in the manual
it's in the letters
it's the only thing You prepared me for.
Thomas W Case Feb 2020
Give me lazy lithium
days; soft asylum and Cheshire madness.
This sadness only
awhile, with sun burnt
smiles and ocean mist

Give me sweet Mai Tai
nights, gentle lunacy.
The Mad Hatter moon
laughs at me,
and the fog
only lasts a
little while.

Just one more time,
please stay a while.
Being crazy *****.
Gray Dawson Oct 2019
Walk into the room
Daylight is streaming in through the windows and onto the wood flooring
Blue armchairs line the walls
A chess match is set up and being played by two boys
Both kid’s arms are lined with marks
One from burns, the other from cuts

A young boy with curly hair waves me over to him
He has few scars and a softer vibe which makes me approach him
A kid with a buzzcut walks over to us as we chat
And asks why I’m here
Topple over my words like he asked what kind of kinks I’m into
I go with something like compression? Suppression? Oh right, Depression

Soon, I have my story of how I got there, what I’ve done, what *****, etc
And I’m learning that buzzcut kid was locked in his basement for days by mom
We compare abuse and suicide notes
I asked him why he’s here
He just laughed and said, “I tried to overdose. I wanted to shoot myself, but I didn’t want to waste a bullet on myself.” Miss that kid.

I’d been there about a day, before I met “Texas”
A big 5’8, dude, with glasses and some blue plaid Pyjamas
He was loud, obnoxious, but loyal, and open to talk about our issues
I was very outspoken about being trans at the time
And he was a curious man, so he always asked questions
Which I wasn’t always chill with

He was very curious about “If I still had a ******” or “If I was planning on getting testosterone”
Which I still tried to answer, but I wasn’t excited about it
He became protective of me, when we became friends
I was a very open minded dude, with a similar personality
So we clicked alright, and he helped me fight for my own rights in inpatient
He was a good guy, despite his bad qualities

And then it was only later on in that first night, that I met...well...
I’ll call him Josh, like drake and Josh, cause that’s who he always reminded me of
Josh was the only other trans guy there, who I actually didn’t know was trans
And unfortunately but understandably, he wasn’t as open with sharing as I was
He later became my roommate, before having the what we called, “The Josh-Down”
He transferred rooms and then hospitals not long after the Josh-Down

There was something about the morning’s there
Walking into the dayroom, sunlight streaming in,
Breakfast cart full and ready to be passed out
The tv on, and cartoons being shown on screen
Kids half awake, and staff barking orders
The chaotic peacefulness was always my favorite thing

I get flashes of the hospital from time to time
Like now, as I walk into a classroom with other people
For a second, I’m walking into that room again,
Buzzcut and the kid with a soft vibe are waving at me
I feel the sun streaming in from the window on my the side of my face
And the corners of my mouth curl upwards

Turn to look at the sun, and when I look back, it’s just a slowly filling classroom
I was one of the lucky few, to survive
I got to stay at my school, and I’m alive, I have a home
At least three kids from the hospital either ran away or are on the run
Two are homeless
And I can only guess for the rest

The people/kids I met in that hospital, changed me
They changed my perspective on life itself
I don’t talk about it, but the people I met, showed me another side of the world
The side no one talks about
The side where kids have scars, burns, bruises, and more
The side where kids have traumas, disorders, and urges

The hospital is a hush hush subject
But it shouldn’t be
It changed my life, and continues to impact me everyday
It’s a place to heal and grow
It’s a place where kids can get a chance at getting better
Get a chance at seeing that sunlight
Kaiden A Ward Jun 2019
Listlessly wandering
down empty hospital halls
with walls that are too white
and cold lights too bright,
but, still, in the sterile tiles,
Death's reflection lingers,
following behind,
attached to your shadow.

Until at last, a door looms on your horizon,
holding the promise of escape from
this endless maze.

Frantically running
to fall
into the soft embrace of night, to
walk the moonlit trails that twist
through the trees to the
tune of the owl's hoot and wolf pack howls,
curling down into dark, dampened earth,
seeking comfort in the knowledge
that there will
be life again.
Morrie W S Apr 2019
a dream--
a nightmare:
a trip by the campfire
a castle by the bridge.

a scream
a cry
a fleetle of flies.
& mayhaps a mellow
of peace belies.

if nightmares,
if dreams,
could thus divine--
if could remove i
a snake from my eye--

i still believe.
i still cannot lie.
Chris Slade Apr 2019
I went for an X-Ray the other day. My name was called
and after the expected delay, I heard a nurse say
Right knee? I said Yep! She said “Come this way…
Can you get your trouser leg up to your thigh"?
I said “No… these skinny jeans don’t go that high”.
“In that case” she said looking me up & down... with a frown
Pop in that cubicle… and put on this gown!

For a start…it took me ages to get these trousers off…
and force the rest of my stuff into the carrier bag supplied
and then, when I saw the gown, I very nearly died!
It would have fitted me just fine if I’d been 18 again
but the gaps and bulges in the thing were a farce...
and allowed everyone in the corridor to see my fat 71 year old ****.

I said out loud when I sat down again in the queue
“You know…I had an inferiority complex before I met any of you.
But this has definitely taken me down a notch. And I apologise about the view”.
However, inside the X-Ray room with all the techie kit and Radiographer Rob,
I felt better… The pain in my knee had almost gone apart from a distant throb.
Then he said “You’re completely safe, just lie back calm, quite still…serene”.
Whilst he clicked the shutter from the other side of his lead lined screen. (So he was alright then!)

Well, I’m home again now, hobbling about… It’s bearable (not like childbirth ladies) but not great.
I’m sitting here with my leg up waiting for the letter that will let me know my fate.
Ah yes… men and pain! There is a well know fact about the differences between the sexes.
It’s proven that, with men, colds become flu…and ailments:- epidemics… (No really!)
So, here’s the letter… Now...will it be Ointment? Physio, to transform a permanent slouch?
Or a keyhole flush with a catheter? Or - Oh no!…
For me - it’s a titanium replacement knee!… Ouch!

Somebody pass me that gown!!!
Sam Feb 2019
It was a waiting room for the dying
A home for agony and fluorescent lights
Nurses dashing from bed to bed

I sat by your side
Wishing my soul he would instead take
I sat by your side
Wishing your eyes would finally awake

Fighting off each urge to sleep
As the clock crept deeper into the early-morning hours
I watched your face slowly come alive
For once that fateful night
I knew things would be alright
Jonathan Nouse May 2018
I received the worst news today
I felt my life start to fade away.
I rushed in an instant over there
Breaking multiple laws without a care.

I saw the nurses
The confusion on their face
As a crazed man ran through their door
Everything in him beginning to race

"Where's my wife"
I asked in fear
Scared for my life
Of the news I'm about to hear.

They took too long
I saw her in her bed
I sprinted over to her
Thinking the worst in my head

She saw me
With a worried look in her eye
I held her in my arms
And began to uncontrollably cry.

So much has happened
The past few hours of my life
But it feels like forever
Since I last held my wife

And here I sit
Next to her bed
Holding her hand.
And kissing her head.

I'll sit here forever
If need be
Next to my wife
Till they let her free.

Until then
I'll let life unfold
And I shall sit right here
Putting my life
On hold.
I hate hospitals. I've been around them too much in my life
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