this is it,
it has finally come,
and we aren't prepared
for it,
we aren't prepared for
the change,
for *the end.

it's four am,
and i am lying in
the bed that cracks
every time somebody
touches it,
just like i me.
and i stare at the ceiling,
thinking about my
****** up life
and how i will
run away even
further.
i m just hoping
that nobody will
be looking for me and
nobody will find me,
because i do not
want to be found.

and i'm scared because if
somebody says your name accidentaly
out loud, i swear i'm gonna
explode in screams and storms
and cry myself to death, 'cause
even the sound of your name out of other
person's lips, sounds so beautifully
devine to me, and my skin is sensitive
and still untouched, ready to be burned
by your flaming fingertips,
but what if you never want me to burn?

and it's five am,
and i should be getting
ready do to something,
anything,
but no,
i decide to
sit on the cold,
white bathroom floor,
with a lit cigarette,
and an empty bottle
of wiskey next
to me,
while in the bedroom,
my lover sleeps peacefully
on the squeaky, messy bed,
and patiently awaits
fot my arrival
back in bed,
which will never come.

you were the liquor i couldn't afford
and the cigarettes i didn't smoke.
you were the thoughts i couldn't
make up into words and
the covered bruise on my neck.
you were everything and nothing to me,
at the same time,
if that's even possible-
because you were the universe,
with galaxies in your eyes and
i wasn't even a star, babe.

tomorrow,
i will see you hand in hand
with her,
stepping out of the
hospital.
and you will look
and be happy,
because you're with her,
now.
i was,
i am,
and i will be,
just another phase in
your life,
a phase you want to forget,
and soon enough,
you will forget about me and
all of our unforgettable memories.

but i never will,

then again,
maybe i‘m just insane
for thinking
you can look
at me with the
same eyes I look
at you.

only five,
clueless about
life,
thinks it's all
rainbows and flowers,
but soon life
will be his worst
nightmare,
and it will be
the storm after
the calm,
life will come
to him as a
heavy rain shower,
in which he will
get wet and
catch a **cold.

and she was not beautiful, but she loved.
and she was not kind, but she cared.
and she was not bored, but she listened.
and all because she was human.
and the people like her turned her into a devilish monster,
whose flaws are haunting.
and nothing could make the ache disappear.

when i look into
your eyes, the whole
world just stops moving,
time stops and so does
my breathing, my heart
beats faster than ever
and there is nothing
around us,
only you and I.

your brown pupils
piercing right through
my soul, my green ones
only doing a minor
scratch that will be
soon forgotten and
washed away.

but even with that,
i keep on looking,
hoping that i will
see a spark in your eyes,
that no one has seen before.

even when she cries,
even when she yells,
she's beautiful.

it's amazing,
really,
how can you fall
in love with somebody
in such a short
amount of time
and end up loving
them forever,
even though,
you know they will
never be yours and
you'll never be theirs.

I hope I stop writing
poems about you when-
you're never gonna read them,
they are a reflection of my thoughts,
my mirror on a paper,
my unexplained feelings towards you,
and so, if you do ever stop
being the inspiration behind my poems
I will stop missing you,
longing for your touch and love,
and oh, how I hope
I‘ll stop losing myself in the
gleam in your eyes.

you are better off
without me than with me.
and i am better off
without you than with you.
you should just save
your time and energy
and let me go,
and i should just save
my time and energy
and let you go.
but you do not want to,
and i do not want to.

it was a blurry saturday night,
the sky cleared from the thick clouds,
bodies were swaying and
music was playing,
but all i felt was emptiness
and all i heard was silence.

and on that tipsy saturday night
while the wind was blowing in my face,
i thought of you, here-
next to me, holding my hand,
trying to hide that broad smile
on your glowing face.

the one thing i learned that chilly night,
was that no one will ever love you
the way i loved you, and how
i loved everything about you,
no matter your flaws and imperfections.

you promised
that you will
make me happy,
but you didn't.
                                    you promised
                                    that you will
                                    make me laugh
                                    but you didn't.
                                                                       but you promised
                                                                       that you will
                                                                       **** the light in me,
                                                                       but there was no light
                                                                       in me, so that
                                                                       leaves you with another
                                                                       broken promise.

he said it was too much,
to keep caring for a worthless girl,
he said it was too hard,
to keep loving her depressed soul,
he said it was too painful,
to keep watching her crumble,
he said it was too irritating,
to keep fighting for her,
and so,
he left with a few
hateful words directed
to her.

**but he never asked
how it was for her,
to deal with a scarred body,
a ****** up mind, and
an empty soul.

you would think mothers
supposed to be good and caring
parents,
and i would like to think
that you were an evil monster
that always put me down
and never believe i could
do anything,
well, congratulations,
mom,
you were right and you
won that battle against me,
the one that you fought
for so many years.

thank you, mom,
your assumptions,
-like always- were correct,
and you made me the
monster that i am today.

*i wouldn't want to
be anything else,

i know you,
and i also know
when you put
on eye drops,
so nobody
will know
that you have
been crying in
your bathroom,
feeling depressed
and lonely.

look at the stars, darling.
look how they sparkle and shine,
only for you
i said to her, lying on the wet grass.
but there are no stars
she furrowed her black eyebrows
and looked at me.
that's right, darling. nothing ever
shines for you. you are worthless
i simplify and kiss her forehead.
i know*
she whisperes while she closes
her blue eyes and falls asleep
on my shoulder.