Needed a friend
I wanted to be alone t(w)oo
Razor tucked in the fixture
That and the dull-fluorescent-light
in the face
Was it put there just in case?
How did they know to find me here?
In this place?
it's just another convenience
Little shampoo for your hair
Little soap for your hands
Little lotion for your skin
Little blade for your sins
and a sink in which to
All just such
You are everything
I still think about that summer
We use to get high on Adderall and play Life is Strange
Go to flea malls and never buy a thing
Watch ****** movies, walk around the lake
You were my best friend
No one could take your place
I remember cuddling in the mornings
Not getting out of bed till the afternoon
The light dripping through the windows
Bouncing around the room
You are so beautiful
We were so young
I’ll never forget those moments
Though, those days are long gone
A change might be around the corner
That is why I keep holding on
What if the joy hidden from me
Touches my world instant I'm gone?
The second after I take my life
Might be exact second it changed
My blank cold eyes would never see
Beautiful prophecy arranged
I have to hug hope so close
Better days are soon to come
Until they arrive I must remember
A ****** life is better than none
What infinte pleasure I live in.
Finding joy and delight in my ever twist and turn.
The impurity of the world delights me.
Death and torture have begun to tease me.
Like ******* to a growing child.
What sweet ecstasy the macabre expounds to me.
It seems all I want in the world are tools to make my life harder.
It's to easy to come by happiness in this state.
I was made for this world.
Sent by god to enjoy the evilest of her spoils.
I am a gift to all that is disgusting on earth.
Like a tree I clean the air of agony.
This is done by stuffing my face with it.
Ooh how beautiful blood trully is.
But your to busy feeling joy to admire this.
I pitty the stupidity of the emotionally and mentally sane.
I wonder what lies they were told that make them feel whole.
Do they not see the fire beneath their feet.
Do they not feel the heat burn through their souls.
Or am I blessed with a sadness that helps me feel true emotions.
I am a parasite that spreads disease.
However I spread it only to those in need of me.
I engrave my skin with all my sins.
Then whisper sweet nothings to a dead tree.
Often I spread ink filled with my dreams all over screens.
Oh what a creep I seem to be.
You dream of love.
I dream of lust.
Yet I am called a foul.
In truth only one of these lies from the world we live in can come true.
But you carry on pining for the wrong one.
You still have dreams.
But somehow hate the idea of a neverending sleep.
What a fool you are to wish you can be better.
When you can always wish not to be.
How can you fear the wrath of a deity that won't even let you be.
Do you really live when you fear death.
Or do you breathe bubbles of oxygen in your watery web of lies.
Continuing to tell yourself untruths in order to feel alive.
It's sad how trully depressed you are don't you think.
You won't feel this truth for it's a mirror you refuse to see your ****** through.
I wonder how vulnerable you feel knowing I know to much about you.
You'll probably look me in the eyes and hold back tears.
Even if you do I know and enjoy the thought that I have violated you.
You are putty in my hands.
All because I know you beg for a better person to notice you.
But they won't.
Infact they never do.
You are nothing and everyday you try to forget.
But your inferiority is my truth so I own it.
You are are ugly beyond compare.
So ugly that you cry unprovoked for hours and hours wishing your life would end.
I'm a little sad so I want to share it with you
Wednesday, 9:12 p.m.
that I'm pretty
and I wish
that you were here
My fragile bones
feel likes stones
and crying beneath my skin.
and I just think
I could make you
I don't know why
But right now
I'm drunk and high
And I miss you
once upon a time,
and a dreaming dwarf
stood in the face
of a broken looking glass.
a short, vague piece. insecurity at its finest.
I don’t want to be constantly afraid you're going to leave me or change your mind.
I don’t want you to treat me poorly.
I don’t want to know if there are other girls, if I am unspecial.
I don’t want to /be/ unspecial.
I don’t want to love you when you only want me around for reasons that have nothing to do with me.
I don’t want to exist only in my car, in the dark, in your drunkenness and sadness.
I don’t want to always feel as though I have to convince you to see me.
In short: I want to be wanted, which I am not.