fixed in our memories is an ever-present somebody
someone that has survived many levels of mind evolution
good or bad, that someone has remained within
in there, in your psyche, just whispering small hints
glimmers of past experiences shared
how and why are those reflections still existing
Brian Hill - 2020 # 46
Memories are with you always...
while although my love for you is strong,
i need you to break away.
i have been with you for so long,
but please get help - today.
you're broken, and need to be fixed.
i need you to talk to a therapist.
when I stop pretending I'm not broken
Not everything that is broken can be fixed.
Not all that is fixed was once broken.
The time that we spent crying for hours,
Wishing for a merciful death, instead of torture,
Waiting to be fixed, like we're broken toys.
Were we really that deluded? Was any of it real?
Are we that determined to be fixed that,
We surrender our joy for anger and despair?
Or are we in tears because we are being fixed,
Though we don't need to be.
We say we are broken, to be put back together.
Some need it, but most of us are not broken.
Most of us just need a hand,
For we are not broken, but simply cracked.
I mean sure, if you got enough cracks, you're bound to break. But till then...meh.
Like a droplet in a river we travel. No clue of direction.
Yet we ever flow through the path carved out of us by an entity unknown.
Slowly we reach, yet unaware of it, to our destination.
Then we fall, by the millions unto the next flow of life.
The leaky pipes that keeps me up at night
The constant snore
The distant cough
And the leaky pipe that keeps me up at night
The wind whispers
The vicious growl
And the leaky pipes that keeps me up at night.
-tossing and turning j.j.
The Moon, she laughs
Even she knows
The **** pipes will never be fixed.
You enter my mind
As if you always belonged
And filth my thoughts pretending to be kind
It was forever ago and I have to move beyond
But what you did is everlasting
Stained my soul with hate
But I am not collapsing
You were not my fate
Just a speed bump along the way.
You tried fixing him,
far from what it should be.
But every bits of your love,
filled the void of his scars.
And once he was completely healed,
leaving you with nothing but bitter goodbye.
You don't have anyone to rely on,
and the sadness you took away from him,
became your lingering regret and it broke you instead.
Mended a thousand times
Never fixed again
Gave up on the phone
It rang and rang again.
Wanted a new life
Outside this broken hearth
Nothin’ else to offer
In this paper town.
my fingers are leaden
my hands are sore
i never would have thought before
that you'd bring me so low
that there'd be no room to grow
my nails have been chewed to stubs
my stomach sinks to my feet
i finally admit defeat
you broke my heart
i wish I can go back to the start
and not press send or call you back
prevent each and every panic attack
my brain tells me no
and my heart aches for you
but you never believed it would be us two
you chose another
caused cracks to form under my skin
i never should have let you in
i crumpled like paper
my skin white as snow
now i know i was right to let you go
i never held on
i just released
you've left some pages of my life creased
it burned to breathe
my lungs were on fire
you dug my heart out with dull wire
it took so long to beat again
i wondered if i could take this pain
so all i could do was try to break the chains
things have begun to change
another came along
i have a new tune to my song
why are these things always so scary?
it means i'll never stop being wary
time for me to be brave
he has to pick up my broken shards
scattered here and there
i wasn't sure if he would care
once things went wrong
it seems that we belong
i wouldn't have read that in the cards
i'm only scared he cuts himself
trying to fix me
and he no longer will want the key
that stops me pulling back
that keeps me on track
because i am not worth it
This was written when I was closest to my lowest of lows and I edited it when things got better. I edited it again as things grew worse, but they've finally begun to level out. Sad thing is, some insecurities apparently never die...