...into the womb of my affection
your ******* are hollering:







"action!"

i just have to deal with something
i just have to deal with something
my father would tell me as a child
then he was gone for hours

like sun in the night he had vanished
he used to go away every evening
while years were melting
and he always did the same:

my father would play the piano
my father would play the guitar
my father would sing and drink
my father would meet a woman

years were melting and i grew up
an hour here, two hours there
peng, now you're eighteen
a delinquent without a role-model

zoom, how fast time had passed by
rivers of oblivion in my father's eyes
he looked at me like looking into a mirror
he talked to me and only talked about himself

my father never really raised me
i am a lion you know, i have to be strong
feel me or not; go away or stay; be hetero or gay
nothing of it matters: i am my own daddy

fatherhood is a matter of interpretation
each father is flawless and full of flaws
my father was absent and never tried to stay
now i am a father, struggling with my demons

I'm haunting myself
I leave strange notes carved deep
To await me when i wake
In a vain hope
they will evoke some meaning for my sake
The scene that greets me the next day
Is alien and weird
I don't recognise myself
It is just as i feared
So i haunt myself
When the penny drops at midnight
and the demi-gods are in sight
I'll leave a reminder
I hope to find
In the rising of dawn
But when i'm reborn
with a yawn
I find nothing but questions
Dark reflections
In a puddle of beer
and stark rejection
I muddle to clear the rubble and troublesome struggles i near
in my direction
So i haunt myself
I barely remember writing
Never remember feeling
and as soon as i get close to whats real then I turn away reeling
I figure it out every night
But drunk eyes give short sight
and the brain rotten
so as soon as i strain to recall the next day it's forgotten
Amnesia is pleasing when the reason I'm feeling this daemonic screaming is cos it feels as real as the ceiling
Then it subsides for a second
or a minute i reckon
Before the darkness beckons once more
I'm haunting myself
and unsure
I'm scared of the person
I was the night before
I'm host to a ghost
that revels in the terrible things
that cost me the most
Battling with the shadow it casts
hassled by the past like tassels on a cat
Me and the fiend in the glass staring back
I'm haunting myself

A tap on my left shoulder
I am roused from my sleep
I turn and see my daughter
Who's been dead 3 years last week

She pulls me from my slumber
Humming broken lullabies
"Where're we going, dear?"
"Hush, it's a surprise"

She brings me to the subway
Down abandoned tracks
Graffitied walls like bathroom stalls
It's too late to turn back

She stops me in a room
Where people stand in wait
Silence presses in on the ceiling
Words that can't escape

My daughter sits on the tracks
And beckons me to as well
The people engrave words on brick
Like they're under a sort of spell

"Watch as it spreads"
She said in a hushed tone
I was about to ask what she meant
But then I felt it in my bones

The silence of the elders
Crashed through my throat and lungs
I felt the air thicken
Acid burned my tongue

Darkness pressed around me
A suffocating mass
I could not make a noise
She laid me on the tracks

It was all dimly familiar
The rumble without noise
The ghosts gathered around me
It was time to make a choice

Fools, I tried to say
But I choked on my own air
A shudder swept my body
I closed my eyes in prayer

I woke up in my bed
Sore from head to toe
Shaking from the recollection
Of what happened so long ago

if ya down wit dis listen
to this gayrap swallow it
like a fat jaypack it is anti-macho
against crews like humpty-packo

pitch-black baby ain't no rooster
will **** wit our ****-booster
we are too star for your underground
flows are miles-high and they glitter

it is lipstick-**** we're spitting poison
and your kid sound vanishes
look your raps are always "almost"
you'll be killed by our host

like the impaler this guy vlad
your midlife-crisis is cute
eminem is now called ruth
the new rapcolor is purple

how long since i got some sleep

golem and his guard dog
keep me awake all night long
in loops, like an endless song

the butcher is getting ready
night of the slaughtered sheep
i want to free that creature

stay awake longer than the butcher!
golem is throwing letters at me
guard dog's protecting the sheep

the butcher high on steroids
memories of my last night in peace
war zone 2020 i can't get no sleep

2020 war zone: please let it be
it's all about that you feel me
i will knee down in front of you

drink my fear o brother
**** the blood from your fingers
let's save the sheep and get some rest

how long since i got some sleep

sun in the creases of the hand
white roses withered
vengeance of shades and misery
vendetta-machinegun

israeli uzis and sand
a child's grin is the big fire
in the iris of the lion; right?
the lion is a dead radio

dis here speech addresses all colors
this speech addresses all colors

try to appreciate life
try ta appreciate life feel me?

try ta respect everyone
try to respect everyone

yo maybe eved try ta love people
maybe even try to love people

if ya don't embrace such values
if you don't embrace such values

try at least tolerating others

yous black, white and biracial brothers
your black, biracial and white brothers

don't forget yous sisters
don't forget your sisters:

black, biracial, white

24 hours be made of day and night
24 hours are made of day and night

ya feel me?
do you understand?

every man be a mister
every man is a mister

every woman be a lady
every woman is a lady

racists are lazy
racists be lazy

since they don't want to understand "others"
since dey don't finna understand "others"

lovin', tho, be de best mood to make it trough dis state that we call life

loving, though, is the best mood to make it through this state that we call life

your heart is banging
against your chest
the end of your quest...







you've found the best

fireworks at blank shores
revenge of the innocent

the victims are to blame for
who are the culprits?
i don't know if you know
my brothers and my sisters

burning sandstorms
playful twisters

stroke me gently baby
no one is to blame for
milk my brain and try to feel
milk my eyes and try to be

reckoner
in memoriam, friend

scattered beauty, uncertain fate
a life of rage and sometimes hate
the longer he remains down there
he won't be daddy anymore

poems of addiction without fiction
as time is tickin', as time is tickin'
daddy become clean i wish you luck
can't you remember our last hug?

it's always the same with you pop
how can we count on you?
why have you given up?
why can't you be strong at last?

it doesn't matter if you surrender
as time is tickin', as time is tickin'
you won't have room or space left
frozen bank accounts and misery

we live in mistrust, daddy
can't you just be yourself again?
get rid of the mirrors and errors
we live in mistrust, daddy

we been through a lot together...

















nobody says it's forever

a bubble of longing...










two halves become united

fellowship of doom
rivers loaded with the dead
memories of being fed with a spoon
mental illnesses to be spread

his name is rainbow goon
you find him in levels of twisters
within the thoughts of his sisters
within the fear of his brothers

shattered memories friendships
nobody knows when his end is
right now rainbow goon is writing
on his black arms with white ink

rainbow goon rainbow goon
greed in the eyes of the noon
his face looks like a cartoon
multicolored iris and speed

mentality of hate and rage
fate of a mutant heavy body
every being has a story
rainbow goon rainbow goon

i kiss you everywhere
you are naked and *****...











let's go for it! let's do it now

all the years of longing
all the tears and wronging
all your suffering girl
all your strength girl

you haven't been sure
it hasn't been easy:
dial his number and call him?
ignore your deepest fears

mom told you not to (not to!)
bro told you not to (not to!)
everybody said so (said so!)
you weren't listen (you weren't!)

he didn't pick up the phone
should you try it again?
you're a keen and focussed girl
so you did (so you did!)

a female's voice on the other line
"he ain't there now try again in..."
a man's voice in the background yelling
"no way to talk to your father, girl"

no surrender! never give up!
life is like push-ups feel me?
life is fighting nothing else feel me?
never give up! call him again!

finally you made it: he picked up
shivering sentences spoken
a long talk of fear and longing
he wouldn't ask you anything

dad made clear you're no daughter of his
he remained distant no smile no joy
you remain distant no smile no joy
you're no daughter of his (of his!)

mom is waving from a train
bro has been playing x-box
sis will soon be back from her moon-date
dad is carrying the ashes of his lover

everybody does something  
**** me until i hate you no' more

in a void of air and space
music floats and keeps us safe
you need to listen

fo real and fo shizzle: listen
it's 3:45 everybody bossed up
dough fetish fantasies

the suzuki in a jakuzzi
keeps my mind busy
(keeps my mind busy)

how can you enter the next stage?
it's fo real like tizzops cage
the barrel of a golden gauge

look into my face: a rat race
never ending being fast paced
today is my last day but i will

remain

imagine that the virus would
**** me fully and my verses
floated through algorithms
like real and fo shizzle

ain't no other take on this world
collapsing states the virus rages
should we all live inside of cages?
these are just words; just a poem

right? sure about your life?
everything is nothingness
people are packed with stress
who will read the last mass?

covid-19
people dying

i can't meet my own family
have to stay inside among a
room of blinds and strangers
isolated from my close ones

it is the worst day of my life
no other chance no other light
ridiculously lonely fights
gimme some space and a new face

painful memories in the making
there's no time for aching
no catchy phrases no money
i'll be dead soon right before noon

covid-19 is a strong breed
and it needs me as his feed
got no time left for crying
my dears i will be dying

off and on
infinite dreams
yellow silk sheets
stay with me

no other woman
no other lips
i truly miss
all of you girl

forgotten friends of foggy times
it ain't the time to write in rhymes
you can be my lover or my enemy
we met in oblivion baby

in rainbows under the
cold light of day
no one could ever catch us:
bank robberies

pistol pressed against a chin
under the cold light of day
no one could ever catch us
hoodlum and princess

when we secondly met: captured
morbid moonlight sounds
loopholes of tenderness
bank robberies

going for the jackpot
together on our first coup
it all started off well
just from heaven to hell

no one could ever catch us
a strong kind of benjamins
ain't you get me, my friend?
this poem doesn't have an end

it gets thirsty and dry
simultaneously stars ******
to hide the scars of all your wars
to hide the scars of all our wars

no one could ever catch us!
no one could ever catch us!

writing poetry on your skin
your fantasies are our ink

Nicholas

a cute and blackhaired
boy gentleman homeboy
buddy companion dude and son

his name is nicholas
"victory of the people" meaning:
precisely this

Eden

my daughter's glowing eyes
full of heavens and oceans
yet trees, apples and snakes

"eden" is her name:
name of a divine place
land of sins and land of all of us

is there anything else to say?
they are my my kids and i love them
is there anything else to say?
they are my my kids and i love them

between three oceans silver rocks
and the desert is our place
land of loopholes in a box made of clay

finding our faces in neon-green shores
it's all icy and open for fire
wide fields illuminating twinkling

faces of future shining bright
in a loop black and white
in eden's iris of multicolor

in rainbows of our laughter
our lifes, forever us guys
in a loop black and white

is there anything else to say?
you are my my kids and i love you
is there anything else to say?
you are my my kids and i love you

between three oceans silver rocks
and the desert is our place
land of the multicolored iris
land of the people's victory

undisguised love it was nothing
you could deal with; in the long run
i would give you golden rivers
i would shiver and i would slide

normally none of my feelings
satisfied your quest for the best
but when you drank my devotion
we slipped and fell and cried; red bed

"i love you baby but..." you know
"i love you baby but..." come on
double standards; flesh; genitals
repeat life be my wife firefly!

a green and silky cocoon for
morning noon eternal nights we
slept in a cave of warmth; dark depth
then the alarm changed our moods

i just want to be there for you
you always want to be alone
well, now give something back to me:
affection, caring, emotion

the hype about poems is big
yet it ends in a jiffy
the next text will rise
the next text will fail

4.600 people read a love poem of mine
serious topics are being ignored
i try not to be bored
but it's quite difficult

you feel me?

sarcous knuckles a fierce spirit
one in a ten; death is in it
corona breath like gun fire
hair made of killing barb wire

the saviors won't save you
death found you: fists will erase you
try to get away from
fingernails like razor blades

death is black death is white
made of day made of night
another round another fight
another fight another round

you can't escape them soundz
corona's words are echoing

i have asked you so often my
hope is vanishing yet there is
a twinkling impulse to convince

you.

our bodies are floating through the galaxy
can't you give it back to me?
can't you be my baby?

you are looking at me
cause you need it...  





i am looking at you
freeway of dreams
we become one
body

FOR...







US ARMY

neon-green skin
steely cold chin
x-breed terror creatures
a strong and ancient kin...









they are here to win

last minutes of trust
in a poem made of dust
you made me hate me

feel the real injection daily
everything seems to poke
you turned into a joke

everything seems to shine
twinkle and rhyme
feel the real injection

this verse is for my protection
this verse is killing you: action!
lamps out of broken teeth

brother breaks his brother's knee
brother stabs his brother's stomach
feel the real injection

everything is for protection
turning choirboys into warriors
brother against brother

everything is an attraction
brother smashes brother's face in
brother against brother face it:

brother against brother

die flüsse aus schatten
spenden den vergessenen
wasser

isoliert von allen
lebenden um zu
tanzen

ihre silhouetten hinter
vorhängen, aufflackerndem, eine
chance

für die lebenden:
schärfen und fokussieren des
blickes

gib mir alles zurück
meine fürsorge die umarmungen
denk

nicht du würdest mich verlassen
ein dickes seil würd' ich nehmen
doch

alles zählt jetzt: keine abneigung
zuneigung die flüsse aus schatten erreichen
uns

wir können ihn nicht entkommen sie
sie sind so nahe
zahlreiche

bebilderungen unendlicher schlupflöcher
kinder erwachsene treiben in flüssen aus
schatten

der letzte vorhang
das letzte kerzenflackern
die letzte silhouette

"wir entkommen ihnen nicht" rufst du
"keine bange" brülle ich durchs rauschen
flüsse

wir werden zu einer kreuzung aus
wolf & löwin eine einheit eine
flüssigkeit

letzte echos stimmen und schatten
die flüsse verbleiben
die flüsse verbleiben

the rivers of shades
provide water for the forgotten
ones

who have been isolated
from all living in order to
dance

you'll find their silhouettes
behind curtains, in flickering, a
chance

for the living to look closer
in ice-packed letters forever
can't

you give it all back to me?
i need me my caring, my huggings
don't

stay away from me i wouldn't cope
i would grab a thick rope but ya know i
won't

everything counts no detachments
attachment: the rivers of shades approaching
us

we can't get away from them they
are here now and they will stay
more

depictions of endless loopholes
children adults and groups
into rivers of shades:

the last curtain
the last candle
the last silhouette

"we can't get away from them"
you say looking at me but "no sweat
we'll be good baby" i'm echoing as we

become a combination of wolf & lioness
from one unit into one fluid
liquid

last echoes voices and shades
but the rivers remain
but the rivers remain

my best friend gökhan tatchouop
you are gone
faded out like a song
you will never come back

i we we i lost track
you will never come back
the brothers and sisters
are protecting the platform

golden dusty hair
sitting on rusty chairs
guardians of the right cause
a good man does the right thing

i transformed into a nightling
as i listened to your voice
the last time as you
wrote your last rhyme

we were poets
we were taggers we were brothers
we were the same and an other
we longed for fame

you are gone gökhan
you will never come back
but you remain in the dust of
the brothers and sisters

they will never leave
they are always there
guardians of the platforms
guardians of trains

like gods supernatural
creatures: violent protectors
willing to attack anybody
who spits against your grave

REST IN PEACE MY MAN
SINCERELY MIKEY YOUR FAN

a lioness above
clouds chilling
in freezing iceblue fog
quite willing

to attack and to shock
earth to **** and disturb
to swallow and gobble
each life fully and fast

how can we
ever ever ever
be friends again?

i miss you like i
miss our childhoods...






everything has turned to dust
that flows through my hands

speechless but singing
up but sinking
proud but longing

i accuse you of being you
you accuse me of being me

we barely act as a we
and that is our failure

we're not here
this isn't happening:

speechless and singing
up and sinking
proud and longing

being (you eat you buy you die)

eating seconds 1 2 3 4 5
swallowing minutes 57 58 59 60
gobbling hours 9 10 11 12
drinking days monday to friday
fighting months for all four seasons
killing years: five decades
retiring

being (you eat you buy you die)

i've been looking for
myself so often that

i forgot about the first time
i forgot about the last time

as we escaped reality
within boundless lands

where the golem lives!
where the golem lives!

as we tried to make it
finally finna don't fake it

and as we entered our land
secretly; always warm

where the golem lives!
where the golem lives!

an infinite loophole
children adults and groups

it had never been too late
we had never gone that far

where the golem lives!
where the golem lives!
where the golem lives!
where the golem lives!

You are the Sun.
The Sun doesn't move.
This is what it does.

You are the Earth.
The Earth is here for a start...
And the Earth moves around the Sun.

And now...
We'll have an explanation that simple folks like us
can also understand about immortality.

All I ask is that you step with me
into the boundlessness
where constancy, quietude and peace,
infinite emptiness reign.

And just imagine that
in this infinite sonorous silence
everywhere is an impenetrable darkness.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UuuZMg6NVeA

i want to give you everything and
much more

our pasts were such a bore

let's become one...










let's have some some fun

it'll take some time until
we'll find each other you
know?

i love you already.
want to be there for you and
to fill you with our dreams, baby.

within the realm of
trust and mistrust

placelesness
addiciton
rivers of dust
real storys
and fiction

don't get me wrong
i won't be talking long
it's just something else
this world of codes

weak words are spread
it's like butter on bread
it's like longing for fat

don't get me wrong
i won't be talking long
daddy told me: stay strong

but i'm trapped in the land of
placelessness  

get me some rest
get me some rest
get me get me get me
some rest

he's a film character
from japan

within an hour
i tried to be him

would watch his death
a million times

couldn't stay strong
did a lot of **** wrong

the difference between a
family and me?

a family is ******* energy
me i am ******* the life
out of everybody

who are we? dead stars
victims of commercial wars
you'll find us in packed bars
lonely on a quest and drunk

it's the best place for us
cause we been fleeing the rat race
don't wanna be part of it
and yet we're all part of it

double standards lead our lifes
we're like you: lovers, husbands and wives

if i accept myself it won't be dangerous
for others to like me

don't think you could
beat the street without
me

it's madov's bossy laughter
and his vossy
attitude

i don't know if
you know what i mean:
solitude

but that's fine my brother
but that's fine my sister

without writing
everything is fist fighting
without fist fighting
everything is writing

i need me a

new language
new lady
thousand babies

and i'll found a tribe
you never heard of it'll
be called

tizzop