My aunt asked how I felt She asked after I broke up with him I thought about it and sat there Stumbling Struggling to put my heavy thoughts into words
My head told me to do it My head also spoke against the idea
My heart The part of me which hurt the most It said my choice was right But screamed in pain In the unbridled anguish of grief Of loneliness Of hurt
She asked if I still felt my choice was right If I regretted it Would I go back
Would I If I could go back Would I change this action If I could go forward with him again Would I...
Heart says yes I hurt him I could help I could fix this
Fix what Fix the temporary pain, No,
Heart says no This was right This choice was right It would not be good to go back now Cause more pain, deter healing What would it fix Nothing
Head says yes He was good to me He loved me I loved him We were happy Head says yes
Head says no We had our differences Our difference in religion In region I would have hurt him later Our arrows didn't line up I was fooling myself that they did Blindly hoping to see change Seeing change when none was there
With my head pulling my heart Heart pulling my head What was I to do but pray
you gave me love just to take it away you gave me life so that i may die and you gave me a heart just so i could be heartless the life i have lived is not worth living and it is so that i have died but in death is rebirth and in rebirth is death every opposite has an attraction that governs its repulsion and it is so i contradicted myself
when i had loved you were only my dark because i thought inside you i could find a light and even when i found it i became lost in my conviction devil and god demon and angel what is the difference but power one to reign oblivion over life one to comfort those in death but in this world can you tell who is who?
you gave me love just so i could feel it you gave me life just to be numb i loved all those that scorn me as all those who scorn me are me and i them
what is life beyond life and what is death beyond death as god so loved the devil that he saw his own evil as good and cast him unto himself what is the devil but god and what is the god but devil these demons my guardian angels i feel found
why must i exist to exist i wish not to be but that is why i am we are made to go against and rebel against but that is why we are made to subserve
A walking contradiction, craves intimacy, yet yearns for isolation. Alone and crying for affection not received. Will they ever truly understand what they need can be given and received from themselves?
By the window, the lonely petals drifted, so did my mind. I dare not say I am virtuous. Experienced humiliation, I obtain humbleness. Live plainly, before lavishly. Life often contradict itself, look at death, therefore comprehending life.
behind my mask I'm in here way down deep I hide the soft spots A walking contradiction that makes sense as they are all fully me *****. idealist. mother. lady. *****. child. ******. all me the ****** ***** the angelic urchin the ability to see that my complexities are vastly universal as if the entire human race resides within me
I'm worried because I have no worries I'm afraid cuz I have no fears I spin in circles cuz I never get nowhere when I wake up I'm still sleeping I'm so ugly I'm in the hall of fame and for that I feel no shame I met the real me and then she ran away
You ask me, how can you be happy and sad? Or Joyful and mad? All at the same time
It’s pretty easy, I say, Easy as seeing my parents In the screen everyday for my city I fled and I don't get to hug them
But they're fine, you see and that makes me happy and my friends live their lives as well as I live mine and their news make me smile make me joyful and then perhaps mad for I wish I could be there and I know that can't happen
So, yeah perhaps I'm mad cause I have no future in my land but I'm happy where I am and the contradiction starts So, I'll make peace with my mind let my feelings aside I'll be thankfull for what I got and shut everything aside
the want to destroy but the need to create the need to grieve yet the want to celebrate to build a temple not to worship but mock a god to raise a building only to watch it fall the desire to say no but you can't seem to refuse the want to love but hatred is all you use to be angry and scream but you can't help but smile the need to live in reality but be stuck in a lie.