Countless times have I Pictured myself and you. That we may, That we might Have our confessions.
My "friend", "blood" I watched you take Your last breath, red- Running, pouring shamelessly- Lively out your mouth.
I feel tears run down My cheeks. Why? We were never close. A barrier Always forbade connection. I always pictured us sorting Through our issues. Why and How we were what we were. How our ship in this relation sank. Why our jigsaw never fit.
Yet I cry and feel emotions. Maybe I loved you despite my Hatred. Despite being disowned And abandoned.
I have had visions of us Confessing, professing love. That I would forgive you all The way, not just half. But I have forgiven thee yet I feel like my hatred stays.
I mourn you and what This relation on our ship- Could have been. That we were Denied and unable to connect Our plugs.
I mourn you. I mourn me. I mourn you and me. Together. Die in peace my "friend", "blood" Know I never only despised- But I loved, love you. .
Go in peace for we shall meet Again. Dear "friend", Dear "blood".
Do you smile at my contradictions Do you laugh at the depth of my mind so lacking in simplicity Or because it is unfathomable Give me the time And I'll scream it into your every thought A heartbeat in mindlessness I'm sorry I lied when I told you We have the rest of our lives
I could write love poems for days Yet not once have I been in love (With someone else that is) I could write a book of sonnets With no one to recite them to (Except to myself of course) I can preach about the danger in our love And the joys in our heartache Because I am a Narcissist who hates myself I am an utmost contradiction An antithesis, an oxymoron (or maybe just a ***** full stop) Either way I have loved myself The way the moon loved the sun And yet I've destroyed myself The way Mt Visuvius destroyed pompeii Relentless, and still gentle, A beautifully tragic mess. Self love turns to self hate With the flip of a switch of my bedroom lights Light turns to dark And I turn into my own worst nightmare Becoming my own demons And when morning comes And I'm so bloodied and bruised, Ill nurse my broken body tenderly Reviving my former self I'll look in the mirror and see The only friend, the only lover, the only person That has ever stayed And i'll remember why I love who I am And how I am strong, Stronger than my demons, Than my own thoughts , And stronger than myself.