Riot Jul 5

Undressing slowly
Time close
to me,
hanging on
my side,
the side I kept
my tattoo.
                                    Buttoning quickly
                                       Tying my shoes,
                                              laced in fear
                                                 &uncertainty.
                                      
                                   A few hours
                                      away from thinking
                                         about who I love


              (My own personal bomb),
  

                                                                                    ...thinking of you.

Riot Jun 24

I want you.

I want to know your favorite color and your middle name.
I want to know about the people you hate and how you found out you loved women.

How do you make your sandwiches?
What foods do you like and can’t pronounce?
What places do you want to see and what words do you know but can’t explain the definition?

Can we cuddle?  
And by cuddle I don’t just mean lay on you, because trust me, I can do that without cuddling. By cuddling I mean let me hold you till you forget your problems and I finally stop talking.

I want to call you baby. I want to sit in a room, with you, listening to jazz music.

I want to feel your pulse and you feel mine,
I want to hear your heartbeat dance to the rhythm of the same songs on the corny playlist on Spotify I made that remind me of you.

The Special Playlist,
(I call it)
The Makeout Playlist,
(you do).

I want to only be about to hear our synced hearts
and the slow songs
and the weight of the world leaving our shoulders
plopping onto the floor with your worries
and the jacket I took off of you when you first came in.

I want you to tease me
because I significantly failed as a former lesbian
because I’ve never watched Orange is the New Black
or The L Word
“You’re not Lesbian certified”
You’ll tell me.

I want to speak to you
In my limited German vocabulary
and watch gay movies
and let you tease me even more
when you find out I can’t sit through sex scenes
even the really gay ones,
and nudity isn’t my thing.
It’s okay though,
Your laugh is cute.

And I want to kiss you.
I want to kiss you like
we’re those horny ass teenagers
from Romeo and Juliet,
(but with a better ending).
I want to kiss you like
there’s nobody else in the world
And there aren’t people who hate me for liking you
And your family won’t care if you love me because
Damn,
I want to kiss you.

Let me buy you flowers,
and want to take you on dates.

Let me take you to McDonald’s
and order off the dollar menu because
I believe in treating my girl right
(And I get an employee discount)

let me tell you why I churches make me nervous
and how I don’t believe in God and
why I don’t like birthday parties
And how I want to have my cake and eat it too
Even though I hate cake
And prefer cupcakes,
But nothing is better than cake if that’s you.

I want you to know why I played trumpet for three years then switched to baritone,
I want to know if you’ve ever done drugs and how it felt.
What are your morals and values?
What’s your utopia?

I want to send you goodnight texts and spend hours talking about nothing
And dance offbeat with you because
neither of us could have rhythm to save our lives.
I’ll let you scream fight me when I let you win in games I would destroy you at because you get that goofy smile when you think you’ve won.

Introduce me to your family and I’ll show you mine.
Let me see your baby photos and we can see foreign movies on Netflix.
Let’s go out for coffee and ask deep questions.


I don’t care, okay?
I just want you.

I need less free time
Riot Jun 24

Kiss me like we’re going to die tonight.

Kiss me like a meteor
will crash down on top of us
and we’ll burn͞
(like the churches want us to burn)
Under it.

Kiss me like I did
Back when I still cared what people thought
And kissed boys the way I thought
Was socially acceptable
Because being gay was wrong then.

Kiss me like we’re that stupid couple
That make out in the hallways
like they’ll never see each other again
and block our way to our classes.

Kiss me like those lesbian love songs you love so much,
let our rhythm play the beat through us,
and let it make you believe I can sing,
because this is the only time I’m in key.


Kiss me like we’re going to die tonight.

I can't sleep
Riot Jun 24

Black and white movies
play behind us
As I make you question
The whole damn world.

Mind fuck
Is what you call my theories,
My stories,
My questions,
My answers.
“Is that bad?”
I ask you. You
tell me I never could tell
when you were interested
or were telling me it was bad.

I suppose you’re right.


Babe,
you ask later,
as I read,
and you watch the movie,
what is the quadratic formula?

I don’t look up
but I can feel
that damn near perfect smile.
You always do this,
ask me random questions
that aren’t useful anymore
at not least to us.

So I recite it.
And you laugh.
And I laugh.
And we continue being together
Doing different.

You ask me several more
Over the course of the movies and books.
What is flash fiction?
What is life?
What is meth made from?
Do you know that Mark Twain novel—?
Yes, I love your questions.
I love you.

Babe,
you say,
What is love?
I don’t respond.
I want to say another
dictionary definition
but it doesn’t come out.

“Mind fuck,” I say.

Riot Jun 24

I have tried many ways to think of her but
Astronomy was the only way I could write on.
I've tried to comfort her out of despair, but
I couldn't find the words to take her out of pain.
When I heard he made her cry,
I wanted to take the pain out of her,
put them into his face and my fists as
I hit him into the oblivion space we know space to be, and
him see the stars closer than any telescope had seen.
I wouldn't mind being in pain for a little while so
the sun could dry her tears,
she was trying so hard to hide.

Would it be so terrible for me to remind her
how the stars bowed in her presence?
Would It be so terrible for me to show her
nobody sees the stars
and the beauty of night anymore
because they are afraid of her
and the beauty she brings?
I too scared to ask if she knows
how you left her after class
to scream at the universe for
making her believe
she was anything less,
than the closest thing to perfection
the universe has to offer. Does she
know how you've collected books of
nebulas in your heads that show when
she decides to laugh? Does she know
you how hard this is for you, to sit here
and smile and joke like your heart
doesn't break with hers as you see her
in a pain deeper than imaginable and you
know it. It spans across all universes and expands
further than your love of poetry and your longing to
hug her and tell her it's going to be okay, but
you know that's not true,
and you can never make that true.
So you sit here,
and write a love poem never to be read,
because that means something would die inside you
or her
if you shared how much of the universe you could give to her
how much of the universe
and the stars
and the planets
and the comets
and meteors
you could shower her with
if she knew how beautiful she was....

ugh
Riot Jun 24

I am reaching out for you. I reach to the deep corners of my heart where the darkness begins by its shadows cover; where there was a small hole from the first woman I loved.

I'm reaching to pull the arrow that grown baby in the diaper shot me in the bum with,

I'm reaching for where he's missed and shot and left scars is big as that gaping hole in my heart that Never seemed to heal correctly.

I'm reaching. I'm reaching for the day I saw you in that wheelchair my first day of marching band and someone said we'd be a cute couple of shorties.

I'm reaching for the day I switched seats and you were directly across my black eyes and I could feel my pupils dilate at least 45 percent.

Oh god this is amazing.

I'm reaching into the corners of my mind where I keep my biggest secrets and I'm reaching for you.

Another lovesick love poem
Riot Jun 15

You’ve traveled to the corners of my mind and into my deepest thoughts.
I never thought anyone would make it that far without ever touching me.

You’ve blushed at the way I put these words together, and
trust me, if you let me keep this up it can go on forever.

And I don’t mean forever as we’ll be together
forever
because I know for a fact
the statistics about high school couples,
I looked them up. Perhaps I’m being presumptuous.

Perhaps I’m thinking too far ahead, because you haven’t even
asked me on a date yet and I’m thinking of you past friendly,
going to poetry written about you,
talk about hitting on you like you were my woman crush Wednesday
but I can't anymore,
You're my woman crush everyday.  

I listen to love poems as if they were meant for me and you and
golly gee if I could,
I’d paint a thousand portraits,
take up my whole SD card in my camera,
Just so you see your beauty in my eyes

Dye my hair into your favorite color
because it puts me closer to you.


I hardly feel lonely anymore.
You’re in the shadows of my poetry, the goal for 2018,
I can’t wait to get honor roll so you can give me that hug and say
you’re proud, because that’s all the motivation I need.

And can I just say,
my medication alters my mood, but it never alters it enough for me to forget what makes me happy naturally,  
what makes me smile when I can’t seem to do it myself; will you be my
daily dose of prozac?
Doctors prescribed 50 ml grams a day but 50 minutes a day hearing you say my name is good enough too.

You’ve gotten me down to a science.
I sutter thinking about you asking me on a date and you
blush at me telling you the truth;
what does that tell us about our past lovers?

Is it alright I see you covered in a sweet truth over romanticized by my words?
Is it alright I say your name like Christians talk about Jesus and hope on our seventh day we create passion?

Jesus Christ,
if you were a word,
you’d be whatever means indescribable feeling between two people;

if you were a song I’d like you to be My Girl,

if I were a ship I’d be the love boat  
because I’m making another round tonight and you are welcome aboard, you are always welcome

because I am in trouble & you like that.
You love me being in this kind of trouble.
To you, it means I’m already yours.

I like you already but
if you let me I could fall in
deep, deep liking
for you.
I need you to stop doing whatever it is you are, because if you don’t, one of us will mess around and fall in love.

Sigh
pnkrck Jun 7

it is a lie

when mothers whisper
"he hurts you because he likes you"

it is a lie

when fathers say
"boys will be boys"

it is a lie

when boys holler
"i am entitled to you because i like you"

it is a lie
when love means you give yourself up
when love comes with physical pain
when love leaves you feeling more empty than full

been in drafts, i need to put more activity out there <3
Juliet Oct 2016

It hurts me to know,
That you’re the reason he said no,
The reason that “that ship has sailed,”
Not that I care about the ship
But the reason for why.

It hurts me to know,
That you’re the reason I told him no,
The reason I couldn’t even try,
Because I felt guilty and don’t even know,
Why.

It hurts me to know,
The more I talk about you,
The more they know,
Not to even give it a go.

It hurts me to know,
That I’m hopeful,
And I’ve always been that way,
But it’ll never win against this one-sided liking.

It hurts me to know,
That I care for you so much,
And that throws me over,
Because everyone tends to give me,
The cold shoulder.

It hurts me to know,
That I’ve tried and tried to distance myself,
But somehow you manage to come back,
And I’ve been too comfortable with that.

It hurts me to know,
That I can’t just be friends with you,
Because half the time,
I contemplate leaving,
So I don’t have to deal with all these feelings.

It hurts me to know,
That you make me feel sane,
When my whole world is nothing but an ashtray.

It hurts me to know,
That I think so highly of you
When you can’t even do that,
For you.

It hurts me to know,
That for the longest time,
I thought you didn’t like me
Because the color of my skin,
And everyone you’ve dated was two shades lighter and thin.

It hurts me to know,
It hurts me to know,
It hurts me to know,

That I got to know you.

Been a while since I've written. About a person who I've been overwhelmed and tired of feeling a certain way with.
Juliet Apr 2016

I don't know what to think about you anymore,
I'm so use to people thinking were together,
that well be together or one day we might be,
but its not that easy and I wish they could see.

you have your demons and mine are killing me,
and I don't think that we're ment to be,
I've asked many times,
and you only see me as me,
and nothing more than just that,
just friends who we'll always be.

Though it throws me off,
when you say "I love you" in the oddest of times,
or give me the cutesy messages,
that give me false hope,
but I have to tell myself,
its not like that,
he wouldn't,
he doesn't like me like that.

Though part of me is scared,
not that you give me false hope,
but that one day,
you'll see me for something more,
and you'll tell me that I'm the one you adore.

see your the closest to the walls I have built,
the ones that have kept me safe,
the ones I don't let people enter,
but with you,
they'd fall,
if you told me you liked me at all.

I'm more scared of the walls that hold my demons,
than anything I've ever known,
and because of that I don't ever want to get close,
to you or anybody,
but if there was a chance,
I'd probably kick you out.

not because of something you did
but because I'm scare of that feeling,
that I know that you'll give me,
if you ever told me you had feelings,
and maybe wanted to be more.

Though I'm not gunna lie,
sometimes I'm just,
I'm just,
a paradox.

About a friend, who I may or may not know how to feel about him.
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