The past
always seems
To chase after us
When I choose to lie
I've learned to never
Let it go any further
If I know
I did something
That I'm accused of
I confess

I don't want to play
Cat and mouse
Delaying the inevitable
Is the worst game
You can play
And never win

If I did it
Then I did it
And that's all
There is to it

Captivity in
Concrete tanks
Takes away everything
That makes life
Worth living
Everything they
Need to do
They can't do
And everything
They don't
Want to do
They're forced to do

Sometimes she blows
Cigarette smoke
In your face and
You call that love
Not because it is
But because
You want it to be

You're so ******* lonely
So ******* unable
To handle the
Ocean roar in your
Ears when you're alone

You tell yourself
That the ash in
Your lungs is
As good as
A kiss good night.

Permafrost can go
As deep as
2 miles into
The earth
Way down there
Are these plants
Still alive and
Waiting to be
Discovered or
Thawed out

There's all this
Living stuff
Underneath us
Just waiting to bloom

When two Santas
Enter a room
Things can get
Ruthless

The first step is
Radical honesty
With ourselves

We don't intervene
We invade

That's not
"Collateral damage"
Those are
The corpses
Of children
And their parents

Ours is not defense
Ours is war

You're the
Oxygen mask
To the plane crash
That I've
Always been

I know how
Dark it Is
For you right now
You're in hell
And the only
Way out is
Through a long
Dark tunnel
And you're afraid
To go in
Because there's
A train coming
At you carrying
A boxcar
Full of heartbreak

And all you
Can do is
Let it
Hit you

Somewhere
Out there
A stillness
A darkness
Yet known
A nothingness
Awaits us
And it's better
That way

The purpose of life
Is that it ends
And people
Don't think
About death
Until they're
Forced to

If you're always
Telling yourself
How lucky you are

It's probably because
You're too afraid
To ask yourself
How happy
You are

It seems crazy
To change something
Thats working
The horse and buggy
Was working
It seemed crazy
To stop using that

But then they
developed the car and..
Well that destroyed the planet..

So that's a bad example

You're the reason
I get up in the morning
It's not just
For snoring
It's cause I love you

You're the reason
I go home
In the evening
It's not just
For sleeping
It's cause I love you

I'm yours
I mean it
Cause you're
The reason

The reason I get up
In the morning
And all through
The evening
It's because of you

It's really humiliating
To be shaking a cup
24 hours a day
And people just look
At you like you're
Some sort of ***

I go to fill out applications
They look at me and
I'm not looking presentable
And then they
"Well, we'll call you
Leave a number"
But how can I leave a number
When I don't have a phone

It's just a struggle

I've had people
walk past me and
Say "get a job you ***"
And I said "wait a minute"
"I'm not a ***,
I'm a human"

And, it's hard

After the end of the day
When people go home
I just feel so bad
That I can't be
Going home too

I don't pretend
To be anything
That I'm not

Except for
Sober

I've pretended to
Be sober
A few times

Why are you here?
Things can change
Tomorrow could
Be different
You have your thing
That's not unattainable

Maybe your
Version is
The person you feel
You can open up to
Maybe it's a place
You know
You can be safe

But it's out there
And it's not
That far away

I'm afraid to be
In my house
I'm afraid to be
Out of it
Because there
Are knocks
On my door
When nobody's there

Because I hear people
Whispering in
My basement

And because if
I sleep
Too long
I know it's
Gunna come back

I open my mouth
And watch as his hand
Moves forward and puts
Some amount of acid
On to my tongue

I'll never know
How much acid
He put on my tongue

But I do know the look
On my friend's faces
Was the look that someone
Would have as they
Were watching
A person fall backwards
Into the Grand Canyon

Ragingly mad
Obviously depressed
Reveals secretly that
I'm coming undone

The torturous divide
Between this waking lie
And the quiet inner life

A worrisome mind

And now I'm
Googling Suicide

The magic behind magic
Isn't the illusion
It's that someone
Cared enough to
Create the illusion
For you
The real magic is all
Of the work that
Goes into making
Someone believe that
Magic is real

Love is a lot
Like magic
Two people build
A world
For themselves
And preserve it
At all costs
Together

We did not ask for
This room
Or this music
But because
we are here
Let us dance

I sent a man to
The electric chair
Awhile back
My arrest and
My testimony

The papers called it
"A crime of passion"
But he told me
There wasn't any
Passion to it
Said he'd been thinking
About killing someone
For as long as
He could remember

Said if they turned him out
He'd do it again
Said he knew
He was going to hell

I don't know what
To make of that
I wont push
My chips forward
And go out and meet
Something I don't understand

A man would have
To put his soul
At hazard

He'd have to say
"Ok, I'll be part of this world"

You know what I thought
When I was falling
Off that building and
I went into panic mode?
The last thing that
My stupid brain
Could come up with?
"Won't they be sorry"

You are all the things
That are wrong with you
It's not the alcohol
Or the drugs
It's you, alright?
It's. You.

The world
had to stop
For this victory
I'm joyus
I'm angry
I'm still angry
I want to bring black life
Into this world without
Us having to
Do this ****
I want us
To grow old,
Be unscathed,
Be unbothered,
And flourish

Loss is
a collaborative art
Between the people
Who leave us
And those
who remain
We dance with
the shadows
Of their absence

Seems unreal
And abstract
A string of zeros
That exists in some
Strange place
Of its own

It's a big word for me
I feel it everywhere
Almost home
Almost happy
Almost changed
Almost, but not quite
Not yet
Soon, maybe

You drink
You drive
And ruthlessly try
To have a good time

Down slicken oil streets
Pavement like a pistol
To my temple, meets

The cure to my cancer
And the answer
To my every problem

This is happening
I am here
I am looking at her
And she is so beautiful

His command of color
Most magnificent

He transformed the pain
Of his tormented life
Into ecstatic beauty

Pain is easy to portray
But to use your
Passion and pain
To portray the ecstasy and joy
And magnificence of our world

No one had ever done it before

Perhaps no one will again

We fall into
Form fitting pieces
Of one another
Each other's own
Silent feeling

But it is all I want
To sleep still and
Dream unafraid
Aching deeply to
Drum thunder across
Vacant marble halls
Coalescing as the
Texture of the things
We all have
Trouble believing

Though it shows
Aimlessly we go
Out with lanterns
Looking for this thing
We call a soul

Do you think god
Hides in heaven
Because he too
Lives in fear
Of what he's created?

Love is never learned
Until it is lost
It's so hard
To forget pain
But it's even harder
To remember sweetness

We bear no scar
To show for happiness
We learn so little
From peace

Do you think it's too late for me?
I mean, am I doomed to be
The person that I am?
It's not too late for me
Is it?

I need you to tell me
That it's not too late
I need you to tell me
That I'm a good person

I know I can be selfish
And narcissistic
And self destructive but
Deep down, underneath all of that
I'm a good person

And I just need you to tell me
That I'm good

The problem with being happy
Is a lot like the problem with pluto
It was a vague way of
Describing a complex thing

Our sense of happiness is so fragile
It can be destroyed by simply asking whether or not it exists
Instead I'm busy
I'm interested
I'm fascinated

I want to build things
And then break them

I want to be busy and beautiful
And brimming with
Ten thousand moving parts
I want to hurt
So that I can heal

And that's okay

As our pale blue presence
Dizzily dances
In the same single sunbeam
Restless over how alone
We really are

So sing at the finish line
Sing that sweet swan song
Because all shall become nothing
And in the nothingness
We are lost

The totality of time
With every moment spent
But that was then
And now it's gone
Im not sure where it went

Matches
Ashes
Acid on my casket
Buried with the hatchet
Of my fight with this life
I knew I could never hack it

Through the October night
Moonlight on metal
An evil companion to
My monster heart
And through the pain
I feel indifferent
I grapple with
The murdered words
I can never forget

So another
For the writer
Another bottle
All by myself
To soak my soul
And drench any
Dream or hope
Of a happy life
I might have
Had left

There are two kinds of people
Sharks and
sheep

Sharks are winners
They never look back
Because they have no necks

Necks are for sheep

It's hard not to
Completely fall for someone
Whom, without effort
Brings out the absolute
Best in you

The most beautiful thing
About young love
Is the truth
In their hearts
That it will last forever

Just as perfect
As the music is painful
They took their time
Piece by piece
Placing every star
Casting out the constellations bright
And you alike
To the furthest reaches
But never too far
These perfect points set
So you never forget who you are

Evergreen, or nearly so
The last rays of light broke
Through little branches and
Whether we admit it or not
We put forth great effort
Just to conceal what's inside
Our own minds

I'll write this in blue
Because it's how I feel
And I can't help it

I'll write this in green
But I don't know what it means
I don't go outside

I'll write this in red
For everything I hadn't said
They've never really left my head

I'll write this in black
To forget all that I lack
And who I could of been

We buried ours
And they buried theirs
Then it started all over again

Fear plays an
Interesting role
In all our lives

How dare we let it
Motivate us,
How dare we let it
Into our
Decision making,
Into our
Livelihoods,
Into our
Relationships

It's funny, isn't it?
We take a day
Each year
To dress up
In costumes
And celebrate fear

We flew aloft
On mechanical wings
And suddenly the heavens
Were within reach
To those who could
Build the machines
That could take them there

We are all alone
In ways no one understands
We drown under
The waves of words
We aren't saying
Sometimes I can feel my bones
Straining under the weight
Of all the lives
Im not living

All we've got is
This precious knowledge
Of our own
Self destruction

How do you
Forgive yourself
For all the
Things that
You never
Became?

The arrow endures
The bow string's tension
So that in the release
It can become
More than itself