“I laugh when I’m sad,”
I said.

And then
I giggled
Softly.

i wish you left me with more to say.
before that, i wish you never left.

Why Men Cry in the Bathroom

For so many reasons.
I will tell you the why.
I think you know,
Or perhaps, you think you know.

Men are always O.K.,
Even when not.

We expect the worse,
Accept the worse,
Nonetheless,
We are forever unprepared.

Wearily, we cry,
In the bathroom, in private,
Lest sighs slip by,
We be unmasked,
Early warring, strife signs warning.

Copious, tho we weep
Before the mirror confessor,
It is relief untethered,
Unbinding of the feet,
An uncounting
Of beaded rosaries,
Of freshly fallen hail stones,
Of night times terrors
By dawn's early edition's light,
and welcomed.

But look for the mute tear,
The eye-cornered drop,
*** tat, that never drops,
But never ceases formation and
Reforming, over and over again,
In a state of perpetuity of reconstitution,

The tippy tear of an iceberg revealing,
And I see you peeping, wondering,
What is beneath

Look for:
the torn worm-eaten edges of spirit,
thrift shop bought, extra worn,
grieving lines neath the eyes,
where the salt has evaporated,
discolored the skin.
worry lines,
under and above,
browed mapped, furrowed boundaries.
the laugh line saga,
where better days are stored,
recalled, as well as recanted,
publicly, privately.

Why just men?

I don't know,
Perhaps,
it is all I know.


Jan 6, 2013

The dreams I have are very rarely shared , as there more that often gone
Before I am fully aware,  
But if your lucky and write one down , a door can open or be slightly ajar, scare you , tear you , open up old scars.
The so called mad ones , the your having a laugh ones , teasing your endorphins,  never last ,
So dream and let it all in , our beautiful brain ,  my enemy,  my friend the maker of cranial scenesThe dreams I have are very rarely shared , as there more that often gone
Before I am fully aware,  
But if your lucky and write one down , a door can open or be slightly ajar, scare you , tear you , open up old scars.
The so called mad ones , the your having a laugh ones , teasing your endorphins,  never last ,
So dream and let it all in , our beautiful brain ,  my enemy,  my friend the maker of cranial scenes

if it all fell apart tomorrow
and why wouldn’t it
I would still applaud  the
fact
that we tried

We don’t see the carrots to be cut,
We see the sharp knife that could cut us.

We don’t see the bridge,
We see the other side of the railings.

We don’t see painkillers,
We see medication we could drown ourselves in.

We don’t see the train,
We see the tracks we could lay on.

We don’t see the nice view,
We see the cliff's edge we could jump off.

My eyes drift up when I try to remember

if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be on this ******

I wish i was sober from sadness

but I can’t stay away from the drugs and our last kiss

I can’t be mad

you were the best high I’ve ever had

I don’t believe in god but I wish he would **** me

I know you were just lonely for a night.

I’ll find a girl who will love me right

who won’t use me for **** and a ****

getting me hopes up, you knew you would leave

we would never be

I guess it’s bad luck