and now I understand love,
like regrets ugly back hand.
and we fall in love for all the wrong reasons
and still love them after all the wrong done.

a kind of love,
that came with out warning,
had my heart in seconds,
who could of said no?

because I should of said no,
and sometimes,
you don't pick who you love,
with wide open eyes,

but there the people who get you,
for reasons you don't understand,
for reasons you can't really explain,
even when they shouldn't,

but then you figure out the bad things,
and just because you let them go,
doesn't mean you wanted to,
and time didn't heal wounds exactly,

but now you gave yourself some armor,
and a new outlook,
and helped you smile and not sob,
and the fact that I still love you,

but everything is different now,
makes it easier to give myself to boys that didn't matter,
because you were the only one that ever did,
and the fire in me no one stops to see,

but they see my smoke signal for miles,
and instead of putting me out,
they ignore me,
or use me for there warmth,

but sometimes you need to listen,
to your butterfly's,
screaming out your not in love,
because its not the butterfly's,

its your pain.

To look at your reflection in the mirror,
Is not an accurate account of the beauty you hold,

To take the words of Hate people speak,
Is not an accurate account on how beautiful and kind you are.

To take the number on a scale and feel too large or too small,
Is not an accurate account on how to judge your beauty and hearts size,

To look at your arms and see nothing but your imperfections,
Is not an accurate account to show your strength in your beauty.

To look at yourself in the reelection of the widow,
And be happy with what you see,
And to relies nothing but your heart that matters,
Then you have an accurate account to show your,
Beauty,
Strength,
Intelligence,
Perfectness,
Big Heart,
Kindness,
Are all the things that make you beautiful,
And though we all may not be happy about somethings in our lives,
They only add to our beauty,
That shows farther then inside

Silence,
is the loudest,
shout for help,
can't you listen?

Talk to me,
That's what you said,
every time something was wrong, you tried to get inside my head,

Talk to me,
You asked me to trust,
and when I opened up to you, I got crushed,

Talk to me,
I have no memories of our last day,
I need you, for one simple thing, then I can go away,

Talk to me,
Please don't hide from me in plain sight,
you told me I could talk to you, and now you left me still in this fright,

Talk to me,
Sweetie I am scared,
I don't know what I said or have done, my mind is unprepared,

Talk to me,
The things I fear I said compared,
to what's leaving my mind racing, retracing, rewinding these impairments,

Talk to me,
Things have happened,
I never could have imagined,

Talk to me,
like you promised,
please keep your word, just be honest,

Talk to me,
Because I need you to,
talk to me because I need you, and for you, to tell me, the truth.

Please,*
Just,
Talk to me,

Some times,
I Feel like,
no one,
likes me,

and then,
I realise,
I don't care,

From the shaved part,
of the back of my hair,
to my toes,
I don't really care.

I don't care,
how you see me,
I don't mind it,
at all,

Just cause,
you can see,
doesn't mean,
you know,
a single thing,
about me,

just cause,
you can't open up,
your soul,

to let someone,
different in,
to let someone else,
see you fall,

to be able,
to be weak,
to be able,
to see we are,
all freaks,

but notice how less,
different,
we all are.

because blood runs,
through me,
and runs,
through you,
and everybody,

can't we try to,
use some virtues,
try to help,
each other out,

rather then,
shove everyone,
different,
to the ground.

I don't care,
about you,
from shaved part,
of the back of my hair,
to my toes,

if you're only out,
to hurt me,

But I will always leave,
my heart to my soul,
wide open,

so you can,
see me,
for me,

And I will leave,
my arms,
stretched out,
left to right,
to help anyone,
in a bad time,

And maybe,
then you could finally,
understand.
how less different,
we all are,

The problem with loving me was,
He only,
loved me,

life is going to ****,
*but you don't give up,

I live on the Right Side of the Heart,
DeOxygenated blood,
is what I've been labeled,

I'll travel to the lowest level of my Side of the Heart,
From the high and mighty Atrium,
to the low and grave Ventricle,

In the Ventricle, you don't do much except hope,
to get transferred to the Pulmonary Artery,
and that's up to the Muscles to decide if your worthy,

Why do I want to leave my life on the Right Side of the Heart,
and begin my journey to the Pulmonary Artery?
because from there they will send me to the Lungs,

and in the Lungs they will remove the poison of Carbon Dioxide,
making me unworthy of the rest of the Body because of my soul,
and maybe, just maybe, finally I will met the Oxygen I've been longing for,

and maybe my day will come,
but what happens once out of the Lungs?
and granted the Oxygen I deserve?

They will push me out of the Lungs,
Into a familiar home,
Like the Right side of the heart but instead it will be the Left,

and being on the Left side of the Heart,
I'll be allowed to exit and roam free,
across the whole body as they need me,

Because finally someone is going to rely on me,
Finally I will have a purpose,
*Finally I will be Blood.

Lately I've fallen down,
deeper then I can dig myself out,
I've taken up smoking when they only make things worse,
My skin itches because I am allergic to some of the chemicals,
My body can't breath well enough for a good while after,
asma or not, I have to remember I wasn't breathing when I started,
at least now I feel my body trying. to do something.
sometimes if I  smoke too much my body can't take it and I *****,
funny thing is, I highly doubt any Native American smoked these.

Most of the time you tend to leave me confused,
maybe because I know you're only here to use,
and I always end up alone,
and it hurts me down to my bones,

but still my heart seems to find someone to grab onto,
and this time its you,

I wish i could trust my heart,
but its really not all that smart,
and decisions are important when it comes to love,
its not something you can dispose of,

you have to care for it with your soul,
and its harder to do when you have no control,

Sometimes I hope that person will get here on their own,
but it seems as if they all are trapped inside stone,
and only I can find them and lead them to safety,
into fields full of daisies,

he doesn't need to be manly,
I just want to feel like I have a family,

so lost boy,
stop sending me these decoy's,
I want the right boy to find me,
so we can be happy,

I am the problem,
that why I need to go,

Because it's 4 a.m. now,                                                             ­                           

I am outside my house tonight,                                
Sitting in my tree,                                                            ­                                      

Knowing of all the things that are not alright,                                                  
      ­                            knowing I'm trapped with my own thoughts,
                             of self hate,                                                          
                and my only friend right now,
                                  is a ******* tree,  
                          Because they don't have cell service
                or phones,                                          
                             Because they never had a humanoid option
                                      even on man,
                             so while you sleep thinking
I'm fine,                    
           Know that it was a lie,                                                          
an­d I may think                      
of all the ways                                                             ­   
to                                                              ­                                    
go                          ­                                                          
die,                                                            ­                                          
but to leave the world                                                            ­    
       I can't have anyone on my side
and the tree is on my side,                                        
                   ­             and does a good job
                                                                ­             at pretending
                                                                ­                                             to be you,
                                                            ­                                telling me      
                                                        ­       I should of,
                                                             ­                                   just      
                                                                ­                             talked
                                                                ­                    to you.        
                                                                              but,                 
                                                I lied
                                                to you                
                     instead.  
I'm sorry,
my possible                          
friend.* 
____________________

Dear my sweetie Mary Anne,
you will be better then?
you will be better than what everyone is doing in the world,
but you take so much time trying to get the details right,
and don't get me wrong,
you did a lot of things right for a girl,

but Mary Anne,
she took you out to see,
all the places you details, kept you from being,
and she made you believe,
that the world was full of your opportunities.

so you,
had a lot of girlfriends,
but didn't really know them,
all you remembered was the one butterfly to set you free,

but Mary Anne,
she took you out to see,
but you couldn't get over her, so you plead,
you both were not able to be,
because she saw you,
but you were still too weak,
a butterfly isn't strong enough to hold you,

so do you want to go back?
when you were just okay with life,
and never have meat the girl of your dreams,
working a mediocre job,
day in and day out,
just to make money like a breeze?

but Mary Anne,
she took you out to see,
and you know you were right where,
you wanted to be,
and Mary Anne she makes your tummy rubble like the sea,
filled to the brim with little butterflies in reverse,
there uneased,

but she isn't just like normal girls,
she takes time, and heart,
and love, from more than a world,
of book smarts,

so Mary Anne,
can you agree,
to love her forever,
and treat her with dignity,

But Mary Anne,
she took you out to see,
all the things she saw your heart was missing,
and you found it as she was stitching,
your heart to hers,
her heart to yours,

so Mary Anne,
She took you out to see,
that she loves you,
and she wants you to love her,
and you're destined to be,

and mama here,
blesses you to be,
with her forever as you please,
I love you both,
and you're both daughters to me,

where am I?
this place is unknown,
where you and I can hold each other together,
but still alone,

where am I?
smiles fill this place,
I can't stop these curve like figures,
they are left permanently on my face.

where am I?
how am I to know
I feel nothing just a limbo,
like never too hot or too cold,

where am I?
why, I'm here, and so are you,
as if nothing else matters,
because I have finally gotten you,

where am I?
I am with you, today,
tomorrow, and maybe the rest of my life,
I think we should stay.

don't let shame be,
what other's have done to you,

Just once,
can someone please,
be afraid,
of,
losing me,

I am a trying to fight myself,
someone who just wants to be right,
but is always wrong,
and what I know,
and what I feel,
are conflicting things,

Because I know how he cares for me,
But I still feel ***** with him,
I still want the boy who ***** me,
to ******* call me,
Like I've been waiting for,
for over a year,

But I love this boy who treats me well,
but I feel like I can't really,
love him,
Like I can't love anyone,
because someone went and ****** me when I really didn't want to,
and they called that love too,

so what the **** do I know about love,
because i've been so blind to it all,
Love from me since the **** has just been appreciations like friends,
and I am sorry that I have hurt you like a boy hurt me sweetie,
but I can't be loved,
and I don't want you to waste your time trying,

so maybe its best if we part ways,
because everyday I feel as if i'm holding you back,
because I am afraid for anymore impact,
because I just want my life back the way it was,
before I knew what **** and abuse was,
before my PTSD unlocked all the secrets from me.

having PTSD showed me,
No sweetie making love to boys,
isn't going to make you happy,
so I can't love someone else even if I willingly want to,
Because is it fair to any boy to be loving me and have me start crying,
because I feel like there the boy who ***** me,

but I know the boy who ***** me is bad,
but I feel like he is the only one who could love,
a mess like me,
because he made the mess,

I just want to feel safe around all guys,
I just want to feel loved,
And my mind and heart,
are a battleground over what I am supposed to do,
because it's hard to move on just a little over a year after you learned,

the boy you loved who you dumped ***** you,
and how your breakup had nothing to do with the ****,
and how that makes everything harder and complicated to get,
and you just are always upset because he still never called,
and you really want that phone call,
so you can say you're sorry,

because you just want to be happy,
because even though things with him were bad,
you were happy,
and you want that back,
instead of crying over the bad thing that happened in the past,
you just want something good again.

Rest peacefully, sweet 16! You hope and dream to every poet who has a wound,
You tool for peaceful news,
You champagne of finer drink,
For what does thou think?
Beautiful masterpiece you,
For you have a glow that flows to moons,
Not seen by scholars of man!
Ancient stand!
For don't let the brutal boys tease you,
For they can't please you as you can't please yourself.
I see your bruises and welts you hide under your bands,
For the lips in thy picture really draw a characture of you!
Cupid of cat alley soothe...

I always set the bar too low for people,
as if to not get too broken when things don't work out,
but then I continue to raise the bar when it comes to me,
Setting it too high like placing my desires out of reach,
I raise myself to hold past the max of promises,
past the max I can take in my world,

I never understood why,
I thought it was smart to set my bar so high,
It keeps me from flying,
but sometimes I grab some air,
and then once I get going,
I am soaring,
until I hit the bar,
and the only soaring left to find,
is soaring down below,
getting father away from where I began,

Why do we have to fall so hard,
why do we believe we can do all these wonderful things,
when we cant even do the little things,
when sitting up in bed,
is the hardest part of my day,
and I am not praised by you or even me,
on the days I can do it on my own,
without the force of others making me do it,

that the thing I hate the most,
when your pushed so far,
when your not ready to do it,
when your not ready to move on up,
how come others expect so much for you,
when you ask for so little from them,
what gives them that right,
to put you up so ******* high,
that your never going to meet their standards,
not even half way,
what then?

Isolation creeps in,
and you shut out who you can,
and sometimes your never ready to start again,
but sometimes,
you manage to get up just enough,
as you grab the bar,
and pull yourself up,
and the bar will fall down,
to meet you at the bottom,
and help you re work your way up there.

lost, but now,
I have found myself,
inside of you,

Born into this world free,
at our starts,
we've been made equal,

as we grow like a flower from a seed,
our nature leads us to break away,
at the beauty that it holds so dearly,

and once we are free'd,
we have also handed over our self control,
as we start to journey into the unknown.

we join into our society,
create our communities,
as we are made one with the residents of our territories,

tallying up our ballots
to determine the majority,
and voice our opinions as one,

but what becomes of the controversy?
the Runner up to the majority?
and who has the right to cast the ballot?

only men,
only those of white skin,
only those of a prosperous breed.

Those whom are never controlled,
but wish to take the repelled as there property,
as the pursue of others seem to end in only their benefits,

imported men bound to nonnative men,
by those whom forgotten their own native skins,
Forgotten they also traveled across the sea,

and back as they force imported men over sea,
as shiploads roll in,
with the contents of labor bearing men,

The Fixed majority binds those of minority,
Women, Children and Imported men,
to their fateful aftermath,

Eventually as we grow,
The Majority begin to release their control.
The minority stands up to the ******* they with held.

They fight for their rights,
and they last for their life,
The nightmare more pleasant to handle.

They don't hold back their pressing manners,
They don't fall two steps back to only move forward one.
They don't back down to those out to damage them.

The compromise is far from completion.
as the lack of freedoms still create more conflicts,
thus having to re-compromise again,

Those bound to religion and other establishments,
creates the fear of change for men,
the resistance leads to hate,

Hate towards people who must judge on face value,
rather than seeing a person past their appearance.
to the point of formation of organizations to patronize these people more.

those who suffer from these acts,
are still stuck inside the past,
they can't be happy for something they barely have.

They suffer silently,
hopping their dreams will one day come true,
to be equal without the needs for laws to make you to,

To feel actual equality
without the labels they have been given from society,
to feel their birth given rights in effect.

Some who suffer say it's worthless to keep trying,
even though their moment ended with people dying,
The cause is worth the fulfillment of those who suffered back then,

And back then the rolls were set in stone,
where women couldn't hold their own,
but now we face men and women trying to change.

The rolls will stay the same,
and they will flip flop and duplicate,
where everyone gets a ballot to voice their say,

Where dreams that reach from sea to shining sea,
will one day be able to breathe and shine through,
But dreams don't shine through,

not all are free from their marginalization.
not all are free to make their accusations,
not all people are born into the rights of freedoms.

Our nation has defaulted and defamed their citizens,
unless inside an arms race, then we are free to die next to each other,
before attending a meal together,

our nation is built by those who ran away from oppression,
those whom tried to grant their families a new beginning,
those whom have now moved away from their old traditions,

we are trying to make room for the change,
we are trying to make room for our voices,
we have been trying to make room for our dreams,

but somewhere along they way,
our dreams have started to fade away,
as our pride as an american is declining at the fastest rate,

their are too many dreams trying to take place,
when we change this and change that,
we forget to change ourselves,

we forget our morals and views,
we have forgotten the golden rule,
we need to treat others like we would treat ourselves,

roll of child, women, man, aside,
difference of Skin, Hair, or even Eyes,
difference of heritage gender and age too,

what I do to you,
should be taken with meaning,
and If I can't respect you.

should you respect me?
The core of our problems have a trace,
attitude is desire for the outcome.

America is never going to stay the same,
day by day America and its people constantly change,
And there's no escape.

I cried when you left,
Not because I liked you,
because I loved you,

I could of been with you,
but I had other plans,

My life became my own,
no one else was going to change that,
so I lost the ones I loved,

Because I had to take a different path,
a path no one I loved wanted to travel.

I feel as if this world called earth, had made me come undone,
so I decided today,
that I'd sleep it away,
as I transport my brain many miles away,
as my mind runs for miles upon miles,
until my mind becomes my body,
and I'm at a beach,
feet in the sand by the tireless ocean,
I look up to see the sun,
as my mind makes me float like a child in the water,
but instead of water i'm sent into the clouds,
strait into the sun,
the heat surrounds my body,
my mind does not remember things like gravity,
and I sore away,
from this dull world,
I am destined for brighter things,
things where the people on earth wont crush them,
where you're never given false hope like an early snowfall in October,
as to show you that planet had no plans of a winter.
How come the earth is so bitter?
the earth doesn't need snow for me to feel cold,
as our actions have made blizzards we can't shovel ourselves out of,
and cries of children young and old,
from near and far,
from up here I can see it all so clear,
that we cause more problems than were originally hear,
if we could learn to let other ask for our help,
maybe they might of before,
but now since we thought we knew best,
our whole worlds become a mess,
and we have worse problems to deal with then a war.
so I shoot past the clouds,
into the sun,
knowing that help is an art of asking,
rather than controlling.
and until our world can master this art,
nothing will save me or anyone from falling,
when it gets torn apart.

Because the world made Elliot Rodgers,
And I was made just the same,
I may not go as far as to **** people,
but I felt all of his pain.