MY PROBLEM
is that EACH time
I HAVE a problem
to work out
I can measure the pain
by how MANY tissues
I use to fill my garbage.
LET’S FORGET
about how few
garbage bags
there are
to empty
into
the big garbage.
LET’S FORGET
environmental waste
my father’s race
to be first on line
to get tissues, TP
and paper-towel
at the store.
LET’S FOCUS
on the continuation
of these patterns
for the LONG TERM.
Someone hurts me,
I internalize it,
I work it out
but not without
rebelling, swelling
feeling woe-is-me
WHY DO I have to:
cry all the time?
And then life breaks
THE PATTERN.
An older neighbor,
is lying facedown
on his driveway.
I HAD WANTED
to sleep, to dream,
to forget about
this new pain
but NOW,
he is in more.
I awkwardly help
him get on his feet,
and sit by himself
in front of the door.
Ask him if he needs
me to help make any calls.
I leave for a few minutes,
but look back to see
he successfully got back
in the house.
My part is done.
No “battle-is-won” mentality.
At risk of being cheesy,
I’m helping him
because he is me.
Behind everyone’s posturing
age, stance, orientation,
different people, situations,
at the end of the day
we’re a myriad of variations
of me and my old neighbor.
It’s RARELY ever cut and clear.
Someone might need help
and will only accept it,
if you convince them
they’re helping you more.
Yet another scoreboard
I should throw in the trash,
instead of all the tissues
dehydration, dry skin
and mental math I keep
to measure how deep
my poems can rip.
MY PROBLEM,
is my solution.
I feel so deeply,
might as well wade,
then dry off
instead of wearing it.
STUDIES HAVE SHOWN
problems keep arising
as long as I keep thinking
I’m alone in this.
As alone as I feel,
I have to be real enough
to see there’s no end to this.
I try to help, I hide,
I get riled up by
every reason we make up
that says I’m full of crap
for wanting lives to improve
and life on Earth to get better.
I have to swallow the bitter pill
as my way to deal with grief
is unsustainable.
IT HARDLY MATTERS
if you’re right or wrong,
good or bad,
relatable or hard to stand.
Jesus often held out a hand
and that ****** me off to
no end.
Jesus might not be ANY of us,
but he does have merits.
Let’s put away words
like criticism and injustice
that fly around to make us
amount to less help
when the time comes.
Let us wade through
intangible negativity
in a swim or the air
and still dare to be
the love that we are.
LET it pass through,
because I am a seer
but NOT a carrier.
If I can help, I will help.
If I can’t, I won’t.
NO NEED to complain
about misunderstandings
that reinforce the barriers.
It was not wrong
to be crying.
But the next step
is letting sadness
fly through us
reach the soul
of the earth, to allow us
to increase our worth.
Once victim
mentality is gone
perhaps something
dawns on another horizon.
In realizing I’m above
withholding love due to
lack-thereof
I release myself
from the control
of all the negativity
I’d never come to grips
with existing.
Is this “fair?”
Perhaps not
looking from below
but the less we do that
could be, the more we grow.
Conditional love is safer
we can rely on ourselves
our intuition and judgment.
But if we state:
we are the same,
drawing lines to love
divvying up the blame
is a punitive game
from an antiquated system.
I’ll try to stop counting.
Or else, THE TISSUES
WILL NOT stop mounting.
All the TIME, I spend
blowing my nose
can now be opened
to helping myself
or those who desire it.
I’m sorry, it’s NOT
much of an advertisement,
for Kleenex, or PUFFS ultra.
But we’ve had our moments,
I’ve had three battlements
stationed across my room.
It’s finally time to make room
for something else to enter.
Though unlikely, to be a fantasy
it’s surely, much-needed understanding.
Maybe then, the word “fantasy,”
won’t be needed.
I’m running out of tissues.
So, I will use them much less.
One fewer concern of consumerism
and a lighter feeling on my chest.
You are a seer, so see.
See past the posturing
insecure judgements
aimed at everybody.
Whether they are true or false
it’s a Waltz with something
I have little affection for.
So open the door tomorrow,
let in the rain OR sun
let in the hope or pain,
the happiness or disdain
but don’t dwell on
the wrong ones:
or we’ll miss opportunities,
what HAS to be done
for true understanding.
The helper and the helped
the victim and victimizer
the hurt and the healer
altogether MIGHT not make
only: the broken society
currently shaking.
We’re being led to believe,
it’s part of the fuel of awakening.
Wouldn’t that be something?
“Hey, Mr. Guy I couldn’t stand,
let’s hold hands.”
-Nope, didn’t think so.
But then again, in time,
I don’t claim to know all.
Just solved my tissue problem
let me sleep,
I’ll be back to break new,
yet fairly trodden ground.
But definitely more jokes
are necessary going forward.
I said I wouldn’t cry,
but I refuse to believe
my destiny is to be:
that straight face I’ve trained
throughout my history,
to be the only one,
not laughing when
this new sun comes around.
I joked, “a few Motrin,”
when he got in the house
might help my older neighbor
feel a little better.
But my aches and pains
from ACTUALLY lifting
someone heavy (no offense)
are definitely wearing
on already tense nerves.
If I GO to bed
and intuition says
“write another poem,”
here’s what I’ll do:
no tissues.
I will swim and flail
through that emotional
attempt at a chokehold,
shake that hook on my body
where THEY ALWAYS
get me: because I believe
I have a destiny.
I haven’t READ
the contract on destiny.
But I believe it has some bylaws.
While I said, I’d not engage
in this judicial exchange
the usual caveats
should have been provided.
I have a right to workers comp.
(Even though I have no job (or money)
I have a right to bathroom breaks.
I have a right to petition for leniency
in other words, to make some mistakes.
Come on “system,”
you had me “throw the book away”
for all, but you didn’t say: “me too.”
I won’t call you heartless
as an Amazon wish-fulfillment center
but there will be some serious banter
among the employees
if you don’t close up shop
when I’m ready to drop.
By the way, how many
are still ordering tissues?
Did I ***** your business?
Do we have to utilize “the news,”
to PUT them back on the map
advertising on Facebook, WhatsApp?
Yep, I got it, system unlocks the door.
Don’t take no for an answer folks,
take what’s yours.
