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blazing soul May 2020
Nothing will ever go completely right. As long as there will always be those who wants to hoard things for themselves even though, aware they will never live forever.
As long as there will always be those who are not ready to live right and reasonably...
What's the point?
Reasonably!
Hoarding!
Foolishly!
All leads to the den of obliteration.
Perplexed?
Let's give up!
What if we give down?
What's it about surrender!
What's it about never surrender?
No one is, an exception.
There is neither a thing I can hardly do, except to right the wrongs of the mind with my words.
Words inscribing the wrongs and beauty of the soul in a pinchbeck, puny age, is like a melodious masterpiece of a violin in a noisy throng, rarely a soul offers any attention.
A token of my contribution.
Smiles.. I hope that be enough. Though "bitter Smiles"  cause nothing is ever enough..
Enough!
Cheers..
Verily we are spend thrifts by nature we exhausts everything.  And we! eventually gets exhausted.
Up 4am.
Having aftermath dinner.
With the most tremendous of guests,  comforting yet tormenting, thoughts and Memories.
Dining on meals and wines of,  unfathomable class and brand.
With the most tranquiling of musics, echos of emptiness.
Guarded by The magnificent majestic retinue, lugubrious phantoms.
Encompassed by The most absorbing and cimmerian paintings, mystical darkness.
"In a stead formed yet unformed by ether, the mind".
The journey of the mind.
Absorbed in mystical darkness.
ms reluctance Apr 2020
4 a.m. —
and I am the king of the world,
queen of all things feral.
I burn brighter than the stars,
a galaxy full of possibilities.
My reign eternal;
I am the only one alive
and I want to live dangerously.

Want —
with one word the light goes out,
the stars dip beyond the sea,
my crown tumbles to the ground,
I am pulled back to reality.

Back —
here and now
I rub my eyes;
feel my lambent desires die
as morning resurrects
all of my insecurities.
NaPoWriMo Day 4
Poetry form: Free Verse
lost Sep 2019
sitting here, quarter-past four,
thoughts erupting through my head

out my mouth, to your mind

these thoughts so divine,
which were once only mine
random aha
mr nolan Jul 2019
4 am, it's close again
the darkness is closing in
im falling asleep
i don't want to wake again
it's 4 pm
my soul feels dim
i can't move but yet i swim
through this emotion
i always claimed to love the ocean
but it's deep, i can't hold on
now here comes dawn
again
Marianna May 2019
I haven't wrote anything for so long.
My brain does not allow myself to do so. There are so many things that are bothering me, mostly about myself, who am i in this world, how people see me, what is going to happen to me. Every second i try to make some sense out of everything but i'm left even more confused than i already was.

Reality is scary; simply because you are never sure if you are genuinely aware of reality. That's because what i see myself as, might just be an illusion i created to ease my fear of being myself. I always thought i was a strong person, that i had values and strong opinions, that i am someone who will do big things. I always thought that i am a nice person, that i genuinely care for others, that i'm okay, just a little confused, but am i? Am i any of these things?

I feel like a ghost wandering from place to place. People are unaware of my existence unless i make sure they notice i'm there too. But i stopped blaming society long ago, it's not anyone's fault, i'm not sure if it's mine either,maybe it's my brain's, it plays tricks sometimes. But i am my brain.

Everything feels like it quietly falls apart, slowly but deadly and you can not notice the damage unless you straight up look at it. I don't think i am as okay as i say that i am, but i am okay enough, and i guess that's what's wrong. I can't wish for help because i am okay enough. It's a fine line that keeps me hanging there. We fail to care about ourselves unless it's obvious that we should. I guess i am like that too.

I don't know when i'm right or wrong, when i'm happy or just getting by. I find myself unbearable, weak and tiny, like a trembling deer chased by lions, only i am both the deer and the lion. I don't seem to be able to hide my genuine feelings anymore. I started to catch myself hesitating before answering to "how are you" or i keep repeating the phrase "i'm anxious about this or that". I seem to not be able to fake a smile anymore or other times i'm smiling too much. I trust people who seem to sympathise with me, strangers or not, i ran to open arms like a homeless puppy or i poured my soul on small glasses and forced myself to stop before i break them. It's weird because i sometimes feel in control and other times i'm all over the place or when i talk about myself to curious eyes i say too much as if i truly know what i'm talking about.

I fear so many things, so so many things that keep me from living. I want to do things, be with people, date, say my opinions out loud, i want to live and not force myself to carry the weight of my head everywhere i go. There are times when i put my guard down and i close my eyes and i feel my head falling to the side, too heavy to keep it still. I fear everything but love so much.

The reality of who i really am is suffocating and i don't know, i don't know, i don't know. My god how i wish i could cry in public and whine and scream on top of my lungs "******* all!" just because i can't be any of them. Or to make my mum understand that when i tell her that i am not that good i mean "mum!i!am!not!okay!" but i'm scared to hurt her. How could i choose to make my mother cry when i tell her that i think about death a lot. But i'm not doing it, because i am okay enough.

How i wish i could date the guys that call me "interesting" and want to get to know me, but i'm too scared of speaking to strangers so i act cold to turn them down when in reality i'd love to feel their warmth on my skin. If i wasn't afraid of going to new places, or talking to people, or experiencing life, or not ******* up every line i say because i'm too stressed to actually put my words in a correct order. There is such a huge gap between who i want to be or how i feel like i am and who i actually am or even who i end up looking like.

If there was no fear, how could my life be? Who could i be if i wasn't afraid of being? Really, is there anything in my life other than my loneliness and a universe of polluted thoughts? Am i anything more than flesh and bones? And how? How can i change and find myself? How do people know who they are if i, who knows too much about myself cannot understand a single part of my existence? If i can't understand myself then how can i ever be able to truly understand others, to be happy, or to be alive? How could i truly ever live my life without feeling the weight of myself dragging me down?

I sense the catastrophe running through my veins. Really, how small can a person become? I feel so small in my own room, even smaller in my own life. Am i even as big as a dust in space, as alive as a falling star or is there nothing for me? I wish i could be someone you turn to face, but maybe my sunrays faded away and maybe i'm way too small to take up all that space; but for you to look at me, that would have been the biggest accomplishment i have ever made.
If you are still reading you are now looking at me straight in the eyes.
depth deprived May 2019
I can't fall asleep
But I don't want to wake up,
So I'm sitting here thinking
Of how I'm out of luck.

I keep tracing the map
That I've drawn for myself
To keep track of my mind,
Which I keep on a shelf.

Hours have passed
But the clock hasn't changed
The longer I lay here
The more I feel deranged
Joliver Mar 2019
I lie broken, alone in this bed
As a cacophony of violence
Screams in my head
I'm being crushed
By this weight on my chest
God,
I know this wait is at my own sick behest
But why must I face this night alone?
Lonely, blue
Cursed to never feel at home?
The tears build up, but they never release
Can't I have some peace, just this once
Please?
4 A.M. and I'm feeling so frustrated and alone
Luna Maria Mar 2019
last night
I fell in
love
instead of
asleep.
-L.M.
Andres Martinez Dec 2018
Not that I'm constantly looking but if you want laugh at my love life here it goes
I get rejected even in my dreams
so broken that even where I have all control
I still give myself no hope
only place I might have a chance
yet I still find ways to let it all pass
It's a struggle to figure out where my charm lies
I might've had my shot at some point  but still I watched it slowly die
So mislead by low self esteem I probably already saved my queen
yet I just handed her over due to the fact
well...i don't think I'm capable of ever really feeling loved back
I don't know how to play the game I was never really taught it also might be I can't ever seem to hide my thoughts
I wear my heart on my sleeve as cliché as it sounds
No one liners here I'll hit you with the truth 
it's okay back away scared of the profound
I already have my daily reminder
Everybody loves to laugh at a Sad clown.
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