Stuck on your image
All the moments we shared
How I wish it was someone else for which I cared
Good memories had in the past
Upset me cause they went too fast
I'll never know which portion of it was real
Or the number of emotions you swore to feel
I don't ever receive a straight answer from you
Perhaps you yourself never knew
The love reflected in your glacier eyes
More memorable than countless lies
The truth is difficult to forget
And even harder to accept
Do you ever step back and look at your life?
Or the mirror and ask yourself why?
I guess there's no way to know what you're feeling
Layers are endless
I keep peeling
I hesitate
Hoping you'll somehow revert
To the you that didn't make me hurt
It seems that was so very long ago
For some reason my heart won't let you go

You promised you'd always be there
When the sun became too bright to see
That you would get me a blindfold, pull down the shades
Until senses came to be

You promised that you'd save me from harm
If problems ever arose
Wrap me in strong arms
Fight away frightening foes

You promised me a thrilling ride
Living life in the moment free
No cares left in our lovestruck brains
Only thought there: you and me


Now you've broken us with lies
Stomped emotions out into the ground
I am sadly watching beloved memories
Falling with empty promises down

I have no place to run

I have no place to hide

This home I have lived in since my birth is no longer a safe location

Does not feel like there is anywhere suitable for a sanctuary

My own house as close to a safehouse as it gets for the present moment
Every single inhabitant of planet Earth is now a refugee

I raised my hopes amazed
From dust to package and ******
Blinded by charms into your arms
Forced to watch now without affecting the how
Twisting restlessly beneath sea
Doesn't matter if they scatter or drop and shatter
Heard them fall and not hurt at all
Crashing is nothing new in fact it's why I grew
Another crack won't cause a heart attack
If my hopes weigh too much that's okay
Let them go to be swept below
I will pick up the pieces and use glue to stick
Until every single hope I own is ready to once again fly

For every night spent wide awake
Crying, tossing, and turning because of you
For every time you decieved me
Tore my heart in two.

For making me participate in your game
And stringing my innocent self along
Until I was certain that lonely place
Was exactly where I belonged.

For every "I love you" I believed
Every other sweet word you said
For each compliment you truly meant
Every night spent in your bed.

For every last broken promise
For abusing my heart day after day
I am writing this to you for the love I wasted
For ******* me up in so many irreversible ways.

If I could remove
Knives you put in my back I'd
Still leave you unharmed

Outside the sun is
shining, so why is the rain
pouring down inside?

You are one of the most amazing guys I've ever met
I love the little thoughts of you planted inside my head
Now you are the air I depend upon to breathe
My feelings have grown and multiplied like weeds

It starts with only a sip
Swish
Swallow
Turns to a chug
Shot is soon to follow

Next have a drink
What damage could one do?
First wasn't bad
Why not two?

A beer switches to six-packs
Twelve-pack to a keg
Before you know
You are on your last leg

A glass of wine daily is fine
Til glass grows into a bottle
Coasting gently one second
Next speeding wide-open
Scared
Full-throttle

What begins as play and fun
Soon escalates to live-or-die
Stops being casual
You partake without knowing why

The line between both are fuzzy
Tipping point never clear
Problem is you cannot see it
After you approach near

Once you have crossed there's no going back
Life becomes a sinking ship
Pause a minute and ask yourself
"Is it worth the cost?"
Before choosing to take that "harmless" sip

On your shoulder stands a monster
Name is insecurity
Grotesque green-eyed gargoyle
Subverting surroundings you see

My heart an antique treasure
Covered in dross and dust
Every afternoon bricks wedged between
Barrier built by broken trust

In haste to label me a villain
Strengths overlooked without a second glance
Few foolish mistakes I may have made
We will never succeed if you don't give us the chance

There's plenty space for us to grow
Turn over a new leaf
Full of abundant paranoia
No room in skull for belief

I cannot take anymore upheaval
Over and over again a skipping track
Interrogation ripping flesh
Infinite questions break back

On map I illustrate details
Appeasing you is tough
Doesn't matter how accurate my statements
Efforts seem to not ever be enough

I feel indignity
Gently caressing insight
Embracing like a family member
Not afraid of standing up for what's right

So very tired of being pegged as the bad guy
I take cover from insinuations
In a brave moment of futility
Kick the door in to house of expectations

I dance in entryway like the whole world is blind
Until I collapse because you make it so hard
Each invalid word flung my direction
Slowly wriggles through thought's guard

It comes together
Pieces of a mechanism
Dismembering my self-esteem
Out of nowhere insults are thrown my way
Rage rises in me like steam

My voices speak brutal tones
Echoing deeply within brain
Sometimes can't tell if my demons are lying
Till morning sheds light on what's sane

Sleeping dogs won't keep eyes closed
I'm turned upside down
I can't help but crawl back to your arms
When day shifts perception around

Every which way emotions are conflicted
Rest when you realize you are wrong
Leaving me alone in peace for awhile
Until next episode comes along

Till my fatigued legs are forced to start running
Miles to showa the light
Fly to a place with less distress
Pinky promise we will be alright

And wait for you to come to your senses
Whether noon or months from now
Playing out scene however it unfolds
In future like a garden we will bloom somehow

In jungle of life where so many are ruthless
Are the only man who catches my eye
Contrary to what imagination might assume
Have no inclination or need to glance at another guy

I told you before and I'll say it again
Simply not that kind of girl
Fact that you would even entertain that notion
Truthfully makes me want to hurl

We have faced fair share of challenges
I'm sure there are more to come
If you want me to be better try building my confidence
Instead of opposite like calling me dumb

Why does it look like you create obstacles?
If let be the path would remain clear
You search so persistently for problems
Eventually they are bound to appear

Making mountains of molehills
Just wish for you to appreciate what you've got
May never have as much to offer as you
I give you my love and that's a lot

I'm left wondering where things went wrong
Striving to present my best
Will you notice what's so obvious to me?
Despite our issues we both are blessed

Think if eyes were truly open
Have nothing but faith in me
Loyalty and devotion are screaming at top volume
You are too focused on my shortcomings to see

We are a little ****** up inside
The parts of ourselves we try to hide
Some of us dwell in trenches deep
Just like those up hills so steep

Looking at the life I know
Stars above
Ground below
Everything we do not share weighs us down
In the stress we'll eventually drown

Is knowledge we are missing too hard to reach?
Can be the one to show me how and teach
More bad habits every day
But you can take them away

Is more serotonin what I need?
Expensive to sense/cents to feed
Rather fix hormones in my brain
Than leave be and go insane

A long way to go
Climb off my knees
Halfway there start to wheeze
Missed shot
I'm on the bench
Opportunity failed
Fists clenched

Throw confidence against wall
Kindness shown to others
Not self at all
And around in circles I run
Like clock hands thoughts are never done

Confetti exploding
Colorful shower
Pieces of heart shredded by the hour
No bravery
No guts
No *****
No spine
Days will never again be mine

No hurry to grow older
Faint embers to smolder
Story etched
Layers of stone
Exhausted to skin and bone

Walking motion
Too worn out to sprint
Precious time now viewed with tint
Inhumane way of wearing death out
Lies before infinite route

Mirror whispers
"You are not good enough"
Existing breath hated and rough
Body in conflict with the voice in my head
Dangling from a solitary thread

The day hazy because I am confused
Hop from mistake to mistake unexcused
Revealing that despair is long
Unchanging as I mosey along

My heart warming
Trying change
And thawing as flaws disarrange
Can think I'll get better
I never will
Spending time savoring that thrill

Laughing days that passed by in a rush
Crying
Sharing stories we gush
We are only distracting from the pain
Is a point ever reached
Where you slip down the drain?

A need to fix
Need to heal
No way of stopping the bad **** I feel
Move feet but I'm stuck in place
****** up all I can't erase

Wish I could run away from here
I am ready for an escape from lows
Hands habitually reach for your skin
I sense the danger when close

I know you are toxic and addictive
Exactly how bad you are for me
My heart always leads me back to you
With my mind it will not agree

I keep replying to your messages
They make me very sad
Showing how short of a distance we have come
In the five long years we have had

History keeps on repeating itself
The cycle is very clear
It's so hard to let go of the thing
More than anything else I hold dear

I attempt to remain your friend
We both want something more
We foolishly still pretend there's hope
To regain closeness we felt before

At times I feel strange around you
Most of the time I feel hurt
The passionate affection had for you
Buried under six feet of dirt

If I forget all the wounds you inflicted
Undo the pain I caused you to feel
We could start anew like the past never happened
Like the awful grey days wasted were not even real

The sorrowful memories persistently exist
Plaguing mind with nightmares dark
Try to erase the patient moments embedded
They will forever stay stuck in my heart

I am sorry I am so ****** up
I am a broken clock; an empty cup
I try to retrace my path to find out where I went wrong
What broke me and why I am no longer strong
But before I figure out how I ended up here
My footsteps fade and disappear

I was in love, you in too deep,
Drowning in a decided miserable sea,
Your addiction pulled you far away,
******'s waves took you from me.

Every time try to shake you off
Road leads back to you
Become more malleable and soft
Walk circles like you do
Aware I am perpetually lost
No hope of finding way
Heart is layered with frost
Colder each day

My attempts to make
You hate me only seem to
Make me hate myself

Keep puffing poisonous clouds
I feel stress decrease
Lost like my former self
Keep searching for inner peace

Things are so out of place
Been ****** up for awhile
Try to keep my mind right
Hosting self-blame and denial

I obstruct noise with music
Block distractions with volume
Worries barge in large groups
Interrupting speakers loud tune

Nothing quiets my ever-screaming thoughts
No sound drowns my troubled brain out
Tried but am incapable of
Changing what I think about

Sometimes I lose control and cry
It's the only thing I can
In bed dreaming happy futures
Hope to get there but have no plan

Fall asleep before pillows dry
Fall apart when dusk creeps in
Negativity held in place by lies
Like laundry hung on clothespins

Love is our ultimate weakness
Only great fools believe otherwise
We escape life through others
That is our true demise

Every night I ask
"Is this too far gone to save?"
Knew better but still foolishly tried
Resurrecting love from the grave

We tried starting relationship over
Agreed to new blank slates
Neither of us anticipated
How difficult past would be to erase

We hold onto childish hope
Bond can be like it was before
Perhaps the time has come to accept
We are not those people anymore

Maybe spent too much time apart
Going different directions
We used to see only beauty
Now invaded by imperfections

We cannot forget mistakes that caused pain
Trust destroyed past restoration
How are we able to rebuild our lives
Without stable foundation?

Do you remember those nights
We laughed and talked until sleep?
With you laying by my side
I had no need for medication or sheep.

Remember the inside jokes?
The dishonest promises we made?
I do not see how you could forget,
For me the memories will not fade.

Remember all the puddles?
With bare, cold, feet our bikes we rode,
Down your drowned driveway,
At the end we slowed.

We shared our simple secrets,
Things no one else knew,
I thought you would be there for me,
Because I am always there for you.

Some days I feel dead
Carcass walking and talking
Ghost of former self