What if I came back.
What kind of impact would that have on you.
I thought about it many times.
I don't want to distract you from your happiness.
When something bad happens-
Something so horrible,
That it hurts so much-
No matter what you're doing;
You don't care, what it takes,
To distract yourself from it all,
I am feeling confused about what to do
This is really what I want
Both know it isn't my style
Lie or put on a front
We fight our emotions so hard
Live every day in denial
You really don't sense our love decreasing
Has been happening for awhile
We are just biding time until
Someone better comes along
Using one another for different gains
Symbiotic romance is wrong
Abusive to you at times
I cannot control my anger
You're just as abusive emotionally
My mental health in danger
Substance after substance into bodies
Distract ourselves from reality
Pain has ruined our beautiful love
All we planned we'll never be
I wrote this when I was upset but the truth is I do think we can have the life we planned we just have to work harder than we have been
I hate being hurt by you,
So I'll distract myself with someone else who hurts me.
It hurts less.
Does my age affect how people think of what I do?
Do my looks alter what people think of my personality?
If I tell them my beliefs, would they hate me?
Can simply my gender change what something could have been?
Does my outward distract from my soul?
Happiness is just the product of distraction
Covering up problems with temporary bliss
The less on my mind the happier I get.
So whisk me away from reality,
enchant me with your humor,
and grace me with your presence.
Because you may be the only thing that brings me one-hundred percent pure happiness in a confusing corrupt world like this.
You can single-handly make me forget everything
I distract myself
filling time slots and empty Windows
blaring nonsense instead of sitting in deafening silence
I beat at my own skull
pulling my eardrums out like string from my head
watch videos on tying nuces
to keep me busy
to keep me from doing the actual hanging
because right now
I'm sitting in silence,
and it's like a timer
it's like I'm just counting the seconds before I start crying
how long can I last?
it's a waiting game
I distract myself
I watch TV
scroll through Instagram and Pinterest until I run out of pictures
I talk to myself
I beat myself until the thoughts go away
or... turn a blind eye,
until I'm so good at pretending that I can pretend they're not even there
until distraction is my second nature
Don't you see?
Can you understand?
It's the only way I can stay alive
I think that too much of my poetry is inspired
I’m listening to this song called The Only Exception
Someone is the exception
Do I have to have an exception
I don’t even feel accepted by my own people
Or my own head
How do you exclude or make an exception if you aren’t included
I don’t really know yet
But it’s a good question
Since Tuesday I’ve just been enveloping myself in my work
Pretending I don’t care and grimacing
I ran out of work to do
I stopped being able to move or make myself do it
I know that the reality is going to hit me like a lightning bolt soon
I think such awful thoughts but I haven’t felt them yet
It’s like there’s a blood clot between my heart and my brain
So they aren’t connected yet
A loved one died on Thursday
Some boy says it’s his fault
He has nothing to do with it
Except that he reacted
But at least I’m writing poetry again
In new handwriting, I assure you
I don’t like thinking about everything that’s going on right now
When I run out of work I have no choice
If I could pause my brain I think I would
But then how would I unpause it
Would it be worth it to be forever paused?
Maybe a little
School, rehearsal, tears, Skyrim, tears, replay
But now it’s the weekend and I have too much free time
And too little sleep to sleep more
Maybe this is my work
I have too many words
Trapped inside my head
My handwriting is getting more frantic
Because work is a distraction
So with it I will be finished
we had to put my dog down because he started becoming more territorial and aggressive. when he attacked my best friend we put him down two days later. he was a huge family dog so we’re all really upset but it hasn’t really hit me yet. I keep thinking about him in present tense and expecting him to be there when I open the door. I miss him a lot. I really have just been busying myself with just schoolwork and work with friends for the past week. I ran out of work a few hours ago so I was frantically looking for things to do and I got caught thinking. so I wrote. I am really upset.
IT is there
just in front
but you can see it
the colours mismatch
but cannot focus it for more
but still linger over
not near , nor far
just staying there