Only I will destroy my life,
No one else will contribute to this catastrophe.
The silhouettes are all the same
When formed by falling nuclear rain;
And that's the real catastrophe:
No difference between you and me.
Without individuality we have nothing :)
The room was dim, with a little spark of shady blue
Though she could sense the catastrophe prying, she laid herself down there, dully
Her inclination of the prejudice
Left her, drained
Foreseeing a vast ultimate chaos
To an undeniable disastrous end
The night had been too long.
facing the catastrophe of my life
one sip of tea and verse at a time
nag-iba na naman ang
ihip ng hangin,
lumalamig na naman,
tila ako yata’y giniginaw?
giniginaw? giniginaw sa tag-init.
palagi naman na ang pagmamahal
ay nagsisimulang nagbabaga,
mainit, sobrang init na tila ika’y pagpapawisan sa tuwing makikita siya, kinakabahan at kinikilig,
ah ganun na nga. sabi nila panandalian lang naman ‘yan.
subalit sa kasamaang palad,
palagi naman nagtatapos
na kaylamig na tila
maninigas ka sa sakit
sa lungkot at sa kaiisip
saan nga ba ako nagkamali?
saan nga ba ako nagkulang?
wala run ang sagot.
ginalugad na lahat,
ngunit sa’yo lang pala mahahanap ang tanging kasagutan.
sa kabila ng lahat,
hindi kita masisi,
hindi ko makuhang tuluyang magalit sa’yo dahil ako mismo
ay awang-awa sa sarili
ano ba itong nararamdaman.
hindi ko masabi
hindi ko mawari,
pero dito ako ay sigurado,
Through the ashes
And the rubble
Comes the first light
From a series of trouble
Life begins anew
From catastrophe comes new changes
If I scored you on a numeric scale
You're even higher than a ten
He is barely a four-five at best
You still let him hurt you again and again
You have been trapped in this place too long
Your every thought shaped around him
I think you've had enough of this
Future feels awfully grim
What can I do to make you see
How beautiful you are?
You deserve more than a guy
Who stores your feelings in a jar
I hate seeing you treated this way
What happened to the person who was strong?
Need to see what's not good for you
His arms are not where you belong
You have wasted so much time hurting
Over somebody who does not care
He deserted you after saying
He would always be there
This relationship is not right
Twisted by his bad intent
From the moment he stepped into your life
You knew he would leave a dent
I guess that's the funny thing
Though sometimes you know it won't last
You throw away all your fears
Fall in love, and you fall fast
But he is never going to change
I am sure your other friends agree
You plus him will always equal
A great big catastrophe
Written in 2012 for one of my best friends Brooke because her boyfriend was not treating her right
seeing sounds, hearing colours
feeling words, reading emotions
inhaling food, eating our breath
inebriated with turnt up notions.
I see us lead to a Catastrophic Chaos.
happiness gets overdosed
sorrow becomes the cure
pain is the only antidote
squalor the new pure.
I see you lead to a Catastrophic Chaos.
without a touch
a fond memory lay
behind it as a reason.
I see myself lead to a Catastrophic Chaos.
either we go together, or we go separately
all roads lead to chaos and catastrophe
Don’t pretend this is how it always goes
Do you notice that conversation
Doesn’t flow between us anymore?
I don’t want to hear about my father
None of what you dislike about my sister
Sometimes your words are screaming monsters
Like those whose shadows children are afraid to see
On their bedroom walls
The daughter you know
Is the one who is eight years old
And I know you’ll never have the time
To know the daughter who’s fifteen
Oh mother, things
But I’m not sure we can both agree on that
The tears come
When I’m with you
They only really go away
When those you think should matter less
Take them away
Blood is thicker than water, you say
But forgive me
If I’ve stopped believing the things you say
A long time ago
Trust me when I say
I hate that there’s a dull ache in my heart
When I speak about family
Because I don’t know how much of it
And lasts forever
Something that won’t disappoint
And bleed my heart dry
For I am exhausted of this game
Of playing pretend too
I could go on
But it hurts to speak the truth
And if you knew about this
I know I’d be disgraced
For not listening to the things you tell me
For not valuing family
For not believing in you
For not being able to recognise you
As the same mother I loved when I was eight
I think you’ve left your old self behind
With your time for me
And now you carry my eight-year-old shell with you
Showcase it as if you know
What metamorphosis is
You don’t see me as a butterfly
Because you only know the caterpillar
Is it really that simple to you?
I used to know this home
It seems like a long time ago
Now when I visit it in my memories
It’s only bittersweet
And I never like to say that things and people
Can be broken beyond repair
But maybe we are
Not so much like pieces that form a kaleidoscope
More like ones that cause catastrophe
With explosions and tears
And broken hearts and minds
This is us, I guess
But oh, mother
I wish it didn’t have to be this way.
Bad Suns - This Was A Home Once
written 15 november 2017 ; 11pm
"This was a home once/Now the ceiling's falling, I feel the rain/This was a home once/With so much love comes so much pain"