Seven years old I’m playing outside A girl I’ve been next door to for two years Wears a cape like mine Red Red like the blood that screams As it desperately tries to force its way to my brain A metal slide I used to have Holds my cape prisoner Struggling dreams of if it would look like I was flying If only it flew up and caught the wind Instead of sink down and grasp my neck Her mouth is open Tears in her eyes I can’t hear her screams Over the helpless gasping of mine As vision begins to fade a silver flash escapes the backdoor My grandma darts down the stairs Eyelids descend like time in an hourglass My body rises to the heavens I think this is it
Lay me down in the bed you've slept in hundreds of times It's your habitat But I intend to make it my nest
I settle into the softness of your kisses Countered by the weight of your body A gentle whisper tells me, "I want to *******" Before I am swept away By a tornado of lust and wanton moaning
My desire gets lost Wandering the canvas of another person's skin I feel a hand on my throat Guiding me like a traveler providing directions Yes, "choke me" "Choke me harder" Squeeze like you want to hurt me Even if you care for me "Harder" like you hate me
It's enough to send me reeling I hit the edge, slamming into ****** Your grip on my neck loosens Kisses, Soft kisses Compensate for our carnal behavior
As I lay under you A feeling I don't recognize rears its head Not happiness, no Euphoria, yes I've claimed your bed as my refuge.
Im standing in front of a forest that is on fire Rose colored glasses The same tint as the flames Theres deer fleeing, raccoon skittering into backyards Growing red moss advancing on the trees Blisters form on the pads of my hands and fingers Something much bigger than the deer, is advancing Its getting hard to breathe, my throat feels like it is on fire Squirrels pair off, try to find their fleeing mates Burning hair Burning paws Encumbered with fears My home is charred and I cant go back Only forward, fleeing forward with the shadowy unknown advancing in the forest behind me
I want to unhouse this body, tear up the floorboards of my flesh, Allow the blood to seep out into the earth. To break down to moss might be the most merciful thing I could do to this prison of permanence that keeps me above ground.
I am contamination, I am illness housed in bone slicing this skin to let the sickness seep out to let the blood sink into the dirt to return my borrowed body to the depths. I never asked to be trapped tied down in muscle and fat. I am more corpse than corporeal so bury me where I belong.
I have only felt joy while holding my breath. The high of being denied oxygen makes me feel closer to you. I crave your cold hands wrapping around my throat ripping this skin open letting me fall to pieces amongst the flowers. At least the winds will whistle my name when I'm gone, the sweet tune of the trees soaking me in through their roots.
If I was not happy above the dirt, let me fill these lungs with the funeral of the earth, the carrion will make use of these remnants of skin and I will be content to be cloaked and crowned in this castle of soil below