don't waste your breath
telling me to get better, talk dirty to me
don't hold your breath
hoping i try to help myself.
if you're going to hold my neck
hold it a lot tighter than that,
don't forget to push down
on my windpipe with your palm,
we're wrapped up in these bedsheets
because i want you to hurt me.
i want to see the rope burn on my wrists glisten
where it's begun to tear away at my flesh
and i like to feel real tangible knots
when i'm tied up in self loathing.
i struggle to find the line between
lovesick and depressed or
being a masochist. what's the big difference.
either way i wake up with bruised
blue lips and oxygen deprivation,
and fresh linens wet with singeing liquids,
and a pain in my stomach or lungs that means
i'm still breathing slightly.
i wanted you to kill me.

sophia sacal Sep 3

I tried swallowing
The disappointment
With sleeping pills,
But God, how could I not choke
When every single one of them
Reminded me of you?

sputtering and submerged. choking on baptism water, salvation salting my throat. a coliseum of lapis and jade, shadows solidly shifting while swimming, brushing, and lifting against folding flesh.

it's sudden, letting the world sink above you. letting graves enclose you, letting rose vines entomb you. a quarry, a chisel, a graveyard - they all shallow out the earth, ethereal in nature and uncomfortable to the nurtured. necessary.

A smile plays on my lips
one hand caressing my cheek
And the other is firmly on my neck
Squeezing sweetly, cutting off the air
So that I can finally breathe

Alvira Jun 23

the transparent words fall out her mouth,
like they never belonged there.
she knows that she's running her mouth,
she knows these things aren't to be said.

her words scatter around the floor,
and her anxiety presses for her to fall
to her knees and collect the words
so that no one else can see her guts spilt.

she knows that nothing good can come
of this, and she knows it so well.
and yet, against her will entirely,
she's forced to say these things, because
without it, her depression would be bored
without being able to tear her apart.

i think that puts it into perspective.
Chan S Jun 22

Burning like a tattoo in the center of your chest

Tears bursting through this broken dam

Cause you've lost your mother and not by death

There's no way to slow this cardiogram

Up in my throat, choking on my own heart

Gasping for air so thick in a cloudy room

Only to circle and find, it's been you from the start

You've always been the strength to help u resume
Always been the warmth for your own survival

But the numbing vibration of her absent love

Will always be there due to her deprival.

Now you've learned from it all,
Time to rise above.

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I look outside,
See all the things that I'm missing,
I feel empty,
Too scared to still make the change,
I follow the same old pattern,
The pattern that kills me,
While I'm still breathing,
I'm choking myself slowly,
It's like a disease,
I'm supposed to live,
But I've given up,
Given up in slowmotion.

N H Nabass Dec 2016

it's crushing me
a weight on my chest pushing harder and harder until I am gasping for air, my
thoughts are swarming and

i can't breathe
my anxiety is suffocating

it's suffocating


Early morning routine.
N H Nabass Nov 2016

I saw the light in your eyes start to fade as

we spent more and more time

apart and

I felt your touch grow colder

with each

passing kiss and worst of all

the butterflies in my gut that

once flittered for you started to swarm--

choking me from the inside out

because I just don't have the

fucking stomach

to hear you say my name so

empty anymore.

A rambling of "fuck you".
TheEndofForever Jul 2016

Screaming inside of me
Tossing and turning in pure agony
Like a fire
Like I've been puking all morning
And my muscles tire
This indescribable pain
Incapacitating, choking me again

I think it's achlorhydria. Not like a doctor could diagnose me though, just my own research.
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