Accept change
with open arms,
I promise you
that the road is
not that bumpy
and that you
will be just alright

Breathe in
the sunshine,
let your soul
wander
somewhere
bright for once,

dive into the
clouds,
make them
your new home,
home doesn't
have to be in
one place,

plug in new
melodies
into your
mind
and make
music out of
your thoughts.

It seems that
I like that
I can't have you,
but when the
challenge is over,
so are my wants.

ready to give it all up,
ready to let you go,
when did it become so easy?

do not wait for the flower to bloom,
because when Spring comes around,
the flower will be too shy.

teach me how
to feel something
and keep it from
fading away

you look at
him like
he doesn't
deserve her,
just because
you want her.

im not going
to compete
for someone
who is not mine,
that is not the
game for me.

my thoughts shiver
because ive gotten
sick to my stomach
from all the mess
inside my heart

this heart of mine
grows simultaneously
weaker and stronger,
you see,
every time I try to
explain myself,
it flourishes,
but when
my voice is taken
for granted,
it withers away.

my thoughts
have invaded
continents
long before
descending on
this mind
of mine

i’ve taught myself
to be silent when
i shouldn’t,
and now i’m not
when i should,

there i go,
obliviously, relentlessly
and uncontrollably making
my voice worthless and worth less.

this mind grew tired
of feelings of helplessness,
this body cannot endure
the pain,
these hands can no longer
afford to tremble in weakness,
these lungs involuntarily
pump life into me
as these years slowly
escape from thy
inward eyes.

i don’t trust you
to love me through
thick and thin,
when you’re
holding my hand
and when the
distances grow
unplanned,
to think of me
always and
not just when
you need a fan,
when you know
me by heart
but not understand,
to give me space
and not let me
push you away,
when i need your
presence and
your silence as well,
to help me through
my mistakes but
not ease the pain,
when you share
who you are with me
and i don’t get scared.

i had a dream
i was out and about
and midway the tears
suddenly started dripping
onto thy cheeks relentlessly,
i woke up feeling as if my
soul is just too sad
to ever be happy
wherever it may be.

happy news penetrate
through my fading
soul like a wave
washing the
traces off
sand;
                            easily.

my heart’s so fragile;
i’m afraid to give it away,

all that’s left of me is
a sarcastic personality,
and even that is
starting to fade.

sip up your emotions,
swallow the days,
because what sparks
at night also dies
in the morning,
reflect on your
beating heart
and what made
it stop mid-way.

i wake up
distressed,
unable to
shake the
fear away
that lingers
in my head,
but i don’t
face the
nightmare,
I just lay
in bed.

you whisper words to me
of sweetness that is so
unrecognizable,
but definitely bearable ♥️

close your eyes
and feel the sea
watch the water
turn blue, green and teal,
let the wind take the lead,
breathe in the sun,
don’t let your sins bleed,
exhale out all the deadlines,
and shine.

three little kids
spend every friday
after school together,
make fashion runways
out of eachother’s
building halls,
went from going
on field trips together
to each discovering life
in separate ways,
one grew more popular,
one grew more reliant
and one more in peace
with her surroundings,
how can it be that
they learn to accept
that bodies grow and
distances increase
but not that hearts change?

my mind has declared
war against me as it  
wanders to places
and times
that make me unable
to sleep before daylight
enters the premise,
and as long as the
thoughts triggered
won’t make a peace
investment in me,
i am forever
incarcerated.

i need you,
i need; you.

you love
because
your
heart
feels
good,
and
it no
longer
pumps
blood
objectively.

she is the happiest girl
on the playground,
when the hurt is the
most in her heart,
blood flows through
her veins,
but so does a brutal reality,
her kidneys ran out
of tears,
so laughter is the
only thing that pours
out of her.

this year,
i’ve met too many people,
i’ve let go of a lot of these people,
i’ve lost a lot of respect for
so many more,
i’ve given up on others,
not just me, myself and I.

this year is only half way through
and i’ve lost so much,
respect,
people,
and respect for people.

Thinking about the future
makes me want to stay
in bed all day,
pretend that I don’t have to
get up and face the world,
yet the facts are drawn on
the ceiling of my bedroom.

tears drip from my eyes
while a laugh escapes
from my mouth,
this isn’t sadness,
this isn’t joyousness,
this comes from knowing
that people leave,
life makes you go through changes,
yet my poor heart
keeps on hurting.

take my secret
and bury it in
your chest,
you can visit it
every now
and then,
just don’t give
it too much
attention,
it feeds on and is
greedy for
grudges,
it will not hestitate
to steal the
spot light from
your heart.

the more i let myself go
the more i pull back,
the more courage built
the more fear fed,
the more i give
the more i grieve
the more emotions involved
the more thoughts escape,
the more i know
the less i want to know.

steps to mend
a broken heart:

1. take a good look at your heart,
assess the damage
2. pick up every piece, dust off the pain
3. call a cab, rent a storage room for the unrequited memories
4. let the clock twirl its magic a couple times
5. undress what hurts, damp what you escape from facing
6. hold the weapon that fractured you and bathe in its every fraction
7. collect every fragment left in you, there is strength in unity
8. remember that self love is the only way to win this battle
9. crash in your favourite sheets, put your heart to sleep
10. take your shot at life, assess all of the possibilities

you look like
the one who
left me behind,
but you smile
just a little wider
and my heart
already feels
a lot warmer.

i make mistakes everyday,
in my awakening and sleep,
i stumble upon easy traps,
willingly too,
i break down my own wall
just to build it back up,
sweat my heart off
and have more scars
to remind me of the pain
that can run through my veins.

I think I love
with every cell of my being,
with every drop of soul in me,
with every breath that visits my lungs,
with every fingerprint I’ve ever left,
with every laugh that parted my lips,
with every language my tongue pronounces,
with every way I know how to love,
with everything, yet I end up with nothing..

“You’re not that weak,
                                  and it’s not that hard.”

“You’re beautiful,
                 but more importantly than that you’re wonderful.”

the weakest argument someone will make
is turning the pointing finger at you
instead of facing the fire they had started,
and this is when you know
that regardless of what words come out after,
you have won,
because you never denied the facts
when they are stated,
you never bragged with lies,
instead,
they play “peeka-boo” with the truth,
choose to re-route to your bumpy roads,
and blame their trouble on you.

when your words don’t mean much to them,
stop talking, stop arguing
when your actions can’t be seen by them,
stop trying, stop wasting your energy
when your emotions start to groan,
don’t let them build,
you know they’ll eat you up alive,
when you can’t get to a target,
even though you try over and over,
start looking for meaning in the path instead,
when you can’t get over someone,
start reminding yourself that you can,
because you know you can.

Nobody tells you,
“don’t fall in love with just anyone yet”
because if you fall out of love once,
you’ll fall out once again,
a couple times more,
and perhaps keep falling in and out
over and over,

they advice you to not dive in too deep,
because it hurts to get out once you’re in,
but they don't say don’t dive in
just because you can,
that you shouldn’t just give your lover
tests to prove their love for you,
but that you must test your own love,
see if you can prove your love
to yourself,
after all how can you be sure of
loving someone
when you can’t love the person
your heart beats within?

gold in your hair,
denim on floor,
mistakes in bed,
bathing in each
other’s cologne,
i trace the freckles
on your back,
no more time to
talk, time has
hopped on a Cadillac,
purple becomes
my new skin tone,
one seal breaks
and now im in the
lost virtues zone,
my name becomes
your only vocab,
shortly after
I had it unwrap.

when the possibilities become infinite,
so are the lessons that come along,
every experience suddenly has more to it,
boundaries have a different meaning,
you get to dip your finger into the unknown,
taste it, heck even jump in it,
and once you settle back home,
your mind wanders to all the places
whose background you perfectly merged into,
you can shut the thoughts out,
but you can't build a wall,
the blinds are always open,
nothing is definite.

the first time
our lips met
didn't feel foreign,
it was as if
you were my home
country
and I had only just
entered your land,
then took a taste of the berry tree
which my greatest grandma had grew,
in either ways;
she would be
******.

I've been loving
the colour blue lately,
maybe a little too much,
because that's what I feel too.

when your own name starts to feel foreign,
and when the memories haunt you shortly after they’re made,
when you can’t convince yourself to feel something you would’ve easily felt a year ago,
when you can’t put the pieces together of how you ended up here,
in a state that’s not dissonance, not stability and not oblivion..

at this forbidden hour,
Cinderella has to be home,
yet her hands are gently being kissed
as her heart turns into a pumpkin,
ready to be patched in mid March,
she dances with a broken glass heel,
twirls the ticking clock,
making the hour golden.

Is it really self-confidence
if it only emerges sometimes?

I told you that you should always be
thankful, things are getting
better, the process
is just rather slow,

and I told you that the proof lies
in the fact that you still have some
sanity left today,
if things weren't getting better,
then what else
could you be holding onto?

Guilt of lack of sleep
makes me decide to go to bed early,

Guilt of lack of accomplishments
makes me unable to sleep thinking about it,

Guilt of sleeping in and time wasted
makes me put 3 alarms at 6:01 am, 6:02 am, and 6:05 am,

Guilt of my emotions eating me up,
makes me unable to get up even when Im wide awake,

It turns out that guilt is the only thing I accomplish, allow to eat my day up, and yet can't decide on lacking.

Tell me how
I only break
to be strong and still,
how I only
take from me
to give to others,
how I get disapprovals
on my own pain,
how I wake up as
early as 6 am,
yet can't get up
until the regrets of
time gone to waste
hit at 2 pm,
Tell me how
to stop.