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Mar 23 · 53
دema flutter Mar 23
Pain's secret weapon
is numbing you
just enough
to barely be able to
feel anything,

taking away your rights to feel,
making you

pain's secret weapon

Pain is pro-abortion,

pain's secret weapon
Mar 23 · 389
دema flutter Mar 23
I looked
at my heart
asking it,

how is it possible
that I can love again?

and my heart's
only response
was a beat,

turns out that
all along
I had been breaking
because I was still alive,
my body was fighting
for me,
even when it felt
like I was dying.
and I guess that's
when I learnt
that the same way
I was breaking all this time,
I was also healing,
Mar 23 · 258
دema flutter Mar 23
I can't seem to
how it felt
to spend
243 endless
days with you,

I guess that's
the best example (metaphor)
of dissociation
during trauma.
Mar 23 · 347
today is the day
دema flutter Mar 23
woke up
on a decision
that the day is
finally here,

today is the day
I take over this
body of mine,

today I make the decisions,
today I draw the line,
today I live the moment,
today I manifest my
aesthetic into a lifestyle,

today I will act
like the main character
I am in this
story of mine,

and that's that.
Mar 19 · 223
دema flutter Mar 19
You messed up my heart,
and yet when I look at it,
it's such a beautiful mess.
Feb 22 · 68
Am I special?
دema flutter Feb 22
am I the love of your life
or am I one that qualifies
for your love in this life?
Feb 21 · 63
دema flutter Feb 21
You haunt me in my dreams
and you’re always in them
rejecting me
and i’m there loving you
harder and harder
like I always have
Feb 20 · 132
دema flutter Feb 20
I don't miss you, and that scary
you love me
like I loved him,
and he loved me
... never.
Feb 2 · 305
Little did I know
that you are
the rainbow
at the end
of every
**make it in the shape of a storm/tornado**
Feb 2 · 59
Would you believe me,
if I had told you
I feel colors form
when you
gently hold
onto my pain
for me,
even for a bit,
Feb 2 · 376
just like
gold flakes,

filled with
an iridescent

so sweet,
honey-glazed donut
instead of a heart,

even a glimpse
of your sunshine

is enough
to keep souls
warm for an entire winter season.
honey-glazed donut instead of a heart
Feb 2 · 326
the difference
that having weaknesses is not wrong,
but letting them carry your life for you is.
Jan 27 · 57
the reason
دema flutter Jan 27
I had forgotten
that it only hurt
because I loved
you more than
you deserved
and more than
I should have.
Jan 22 · 68
دema flutter Jan 22
never felt shame
travel up my spine
up until we shared
a secret and no longer
shared love for each other.
Jan 22 · 201
دema flutter Jan 22
I was never introduced
to the feeling of shame
until a man knew
of a secret of mine
Jan 19 · 27
دema flutter Jan 19
the hardest to forget
are the little things that
made loving you worthwhile,
that well put pun you once made,
the way you hugged me from behind
infront of a never ending pond,
the first time i felt comfortable enough to
take a picture on your phone,
your voice first thing in the morning,
your love as the last thought on my mind at night,
my fingers jamming to the beat of your music on top of your arm,
the sound of your breath on a cold night,
my eyes exploring your face, every time
the way the nickname you gave me echos in my ears,
the way you never could love me gently,
Jan 19 · 321
دema flutter Jan 19
i think of you
and the way you
stopped me before we entered
any place, just to hold me up and kiss me
Jan 11 · 58
don't pick a bad apple
دema flutter Jan 11
you broke me
until your insecurity screamed, "Ah, see, imperfections!",
because only then you could love me,
even loved me more than
the way you hung on your trauma,
even when i had all the right remedies for your pain
Jan 11 · 206
دema flutter Jan 11
it seems that i gave you happiness,
all of it,
all of the happiness in the world,

even the little bit that belonged to me..
Jan 11 · 313
دema flutter Jan 11
living in the moment
lasts for the moment,

loving myself
requires living every single moment
Jan 11 · 51
too long
دema flutter Jan 11
the stages of grieve
feel like they
are taking the entirety of my life
دema flutter Jan 11
loving you
was breathing hard
as I force in
thick air to inhale.
Jan 7 · 48
i forgot about the nest
of butterflies lying
at the bottom of my stomach,

turns out they were just playing dead
Jan 6 · 47
off you go
got your hand off my hand,
the thought off you off my mind,
the pain lifted off my heart,
your name off my tongue,
off you go baby
Jan 5 · 43
letting you go
costed less
than keeping
the pain your
presence brought
Jan 4 · 56
I re-release you
Dec 2020 · 42
blessing in disguise
دema flutter Dec 2020
have such a
weird disguise,
it’s almost like
if i were to describe
the heart residing
in that cold body of yours.
دema flutter Dec 2020
I warned you about
the distances
I'm willing to travel
just to leave behind
the trace you had left
on my heart,
on my mind,
on my body,

and now I'm somewhere
making better memories,
with new songs you didn't ruin,
breathing air you can't intoxicate,
wearing my heart on my sleeve again,
unafraid to let my scare away all the wrong
people away from my life.
دema flutter Dec 2020
I didn't listen carefully
to the lies you told,
the empty promises you gave,
and your play-on-words...
Dec 2020 · 66
fly away
دema flutter Dec 2020
they get tantalized
by the way your wings
still flutter even when broken,
like you're some sort of
art to be appreciated in
a museum,
but not one to hold onto
and let their hearts inspired by,
your strength and independence
terrify those who offer nothing
and expect everything in return.
Nov 2020 · 224
it's like
دema flutter Nov 2020
I can't seem
to find the thing
to satiate a need
in me that is yet
to be met,

it's the type of hunger
food can't reduce,

it's the type of pain
that holds unrequited love
for you,

it's like a memory you
want to store in your mind
of a moment that didn't occur,

it's like a fractured ground
waiting for the rain to come
down so flowers can grow
from within the cracks,

it's like love that you give
but never receive back fully,

it's like cold weather and short day time
that beg for some white,
yet it never snows,

it's like not being able
to find the name of the song
whose melody is stuck in your head,

it's like a battle that you lose
before you even get to play.
Nov 2020 · 50
دema flutter Nov 2020
we all linger
for that something
or that someone
to start up a fire
in attempt
to feel alive
on the inside.
Nov 2020 · 46
دema flutter Nov 2020
I think I'm starting
to fall in love with the feeling of belonging
Nov 2020 · 50
دema flutter Nov 2020
If I were to describe emotions
I would say they’re something like strawberry sherbet ice cream dipped with blue raspberry; intricate, intense and insanely delicious,
or a pink and blue sky with a little grey from the smoke of a capitalist factory; placid, painterly, and polluting,
a smile from a stranger on the 8:55 am subway ride; habitual, harmless,
Nov 2020 · 50
baby, it’s cold
دema flutter Nov 2020
we put all of our troubles away
the same way snow lies on the side of the  roads,
we neglect our needs and wants
the same way a tree lets down it’s leave after autumn,
we convince ourselves that it’s too late
the same way when we slip on black ice.
Nov 2020 · 104
دema flutter Nov 2020
nobody prepares you
for the day
you lose
your self-worth,

nobody tells you,
"just because you can
do something, doesnt mean you should"
Nov 2020 · 56
دema flutter Nov 2020
I just want to love
you completely,

but I also have to
protect the very
thing that wants
to that
Nov 2020 · 895
I win
دema flutter Nov 2020
To my abuser,

I know you will never
be attached to me
the way I am attached to you,

but dear,
that's because you are broken
and you're addicted to
projecting your pain,

and I'm here picking up
all of my pieces,
trying to heal.
Nov 2020 · 116
I refuse
دema flutter Nov 2020
I don't wish you the best,

because that would be
getting to hold me
in your arms,
just like in the good old days,

rendering me
stuck in your trap.
Nov 2020 · 206
دema flutter Nov 2020
you envy me for my resilience,

but you forget
the way I break harder than needed.
Oct 2020 · 51
don't forget
دema flutter Oct 2020
take your time
in grieving for the
gone and dead,
but don't forget to
bury and release
Oct 2020 · 46
دema flutter Oct 2020
I thought I could
never feel anything
and for no one
but you,
but baby
you dug a grave
for all the feelings
I've ever had for you
and you jumped in too
Oct 2020 · 74
دema flutter Oct 2020
history does repeat itself,
I see it in my poetry
Oct 2020 · 61
دema flutter Oct 2020
the same way you don't
owe anybody your time,
you don't owe anyone forgiveness,
as much as you owe yourself relief,
and sometimes feeling anger
for those who wrong you
is the strongest form of self love.
Oct 2020 · 466
دema flutter Oct 2020
I gave you something
that belongs to me,
and all you left for me
was the gift receipt.
Oct 2020 · 55
dear me
دema flutter Oct 2020
i love you so ******* much. so ******* much.

what the **** was i doing loving someone else more? what the **** was i thinking?
Oct 2020 · 841
دema flutter Oct 2020
is not a feeling,
but rather a process,
it’s wanting to burst out
in laughter when you fall
for the same trap twice,
and shedding tears
when you least expect it,
it’s being able to experience
emotions that you thought you had lost
touch of, sight of,
it’s looking at yourself
in the mirror
and loving the broken
version as much as the healed one.
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