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Smoke fills my mind
My lungs mimic the feeling of exhaling a puff
Puff in, puff out, pass...
I crave the high
I crave the feeling
I feel numb, and that is too much
At least when I was high I felt too much and nothing at all
All I want is to escape this world
But I can't
I've come too far to allow the past me to mess up again
Drugs and alcohol no longer my friends
End the friendship or the friendship would end who I am
Some days you crave that feeling of relief, but you are better now
Baby, take a look at the mess you just made
Shattered windows shattered bones
Around this place
And the holes you made and left on my chest
Of love keep on flooding this place

Theres nothing left for me around this bed
Waking up by your side is waking up and it’s still night
I asked for older and rotten is what I got

Baby, take a look at our nuclear mistakes
We launched missiles and fired tanks
We were toxic we were flame
I lost my heart fighting to stay

Our battle ends in the Mountain of Carnage
And with blood-stained clothes and prayers from last words I begged
I begged to one day grow a heart back in my chest
Instead I got seconds that turned into minutes and minutes that turned into hours

But the day finally came
With no heartbeat I woke
And inhaling I stood
I wasn’t lucky to be alive
I just wanted my life back in my hands
Life is like a suicide hike,
Although it's a beautiful trail
It's scary to think one day we'll fall.
We fall because we walk on edges,
Some worth walking on, some not.
Ultimately, we learn from both.

Be careful who you choose to walk with,
Be careful who you choose to sit with.
Because they may just push you off
And way down you'll be falling down.
But sometimes it wasn't them who pushed you off
But it was them you thought would help you up.

And when we've hit our lowest point in life
We start looking for the root of our pain,
But it's dark and empty, it stings we feel lost.
It's no paradise down here, the pain feeds on our strength.
It's a tragic accident that breaks all of our bones.
With no paramedics or anesthesia, we've got to operate ourselves.
We don't know which injury is killing us more,
But we know a slow death is coming for us.
Our blood no more, regret is what the heart pumps now,
We scream and cry away our mistakes
But down here is a curse playing our fall in a loop,

I don't know when it stops
I'm drowning myself in my pain.
I've stained my soul with too much hate
I'm no longer the person who I used to be.
I've been down in the dark for too many days  
But when I start my hike again  
I hope to go further than yesterday.
Mya Baertlein Oct 10
I never knew what true love was until I met you
When I first saw you I knew that I loved you more than I ever thought I would
Most people probably think I'm talking about that one dream guy when in reality I'm talking about my little sister
She is the reason why I'm alive I need to stay strong for her and she is 16 years younger than me and has my heart already
Sonia Ettyang Sep 17
Plant a seed of hope in your  heart
Hope to make it through the night
When thoughts of fear and sorrow
Capture your mind and steal your peace
Be like a good farmer with faith
Knowing that the dry days will pass
And the soil will be watered
Once more you'll make a harvest
And your baskets shall over flow
With joy and laughter
©Sonia Ettyang
Meghan Aug 23
I am not your **** toy
Not a plastic doll
Your fantasies
Don't get to come
True on my account
These aren't your fun bags
My *** is not to smack

My skin longs
For the touch of fingertips
But crawls at the thought
Bristle before, relax
Never knowing
What unwanted touch
Is coming next

Never knew to say no
Never knew wrong was wrong
Until it was all too late

Doctor in the barn
Damaged on the trail
Grabbed my wrist -- was I wrong?
Drank it all away
Faded into blackness
Forcing through the door

Older now
Learning once again
They only want one thing from you;
You're just a last resort
So feign for their attention
Gave as good as got
Dove right down that rabbit hole
Trying to drown it out

And still -- trapped, touched
But then again, and "No"
That famous word
So infamously hard to hear

Too ashamed to fight back
Give in
Live in

Let me say again
Because it bears repeating:
Give in, then
Live in fear
Bare --

Say it with me now
Such an **** word
How does it make you feel

Do you feel ashamed
Are you feeling scarred
Do you feel her fear
Or is it not so clear?
Do you feel
Powerful now
Or is it
All her fault

Such an **** word
So,  say it with me now
Found out what it means to me.
julianna Jun 8
I have a parasite.
It's called perfectionism
It causes me to have overwhelming brain spasms
When you ask me to do something out of my
"comfort zone"
If I try to do it, I have to battle against the parasite.
It says things like:
"This is too hard."
"Give up, it's easier."
"You don't care about this!"
I'm practicing self-soothing methods,
Ways to drown out the little parasite's
Nagging voice.
It is difficult.
It is hard.
But I am stronger, I am the host.
julianna May 27
What would you do if you saw a girl spending pennies and pearls on food?
She gobbles it up and then she barfs, which she thinks makes her feel good.
Later that night, with her conscious she'll fight as the guilt eats her for lunch
But she'll never tell of the story where of she went to after brunch.
Pure Bliss May 1
You’re gone,
You’re gone
But you’re still here
You’re gone on the inside,
Rotting like a corpse in the sun,
You want to take a gun
And use it like a toy,
You want to **** yourself,
I get it, I really do,
But you need to stay strong,
Do it for your sister,
Your brother,
Mom and dad,
Aunt and uncle,
Do it for the people who care for you,
Do it for the people who love you with all their hearts,
Just hang in there,
Just a little longer!
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