while writing my speech for a class, i realized something about myself. i was always stuck in the middle. growing up in the philippines, i was too korean to fit it with the filipinos, but i was too filipino to fit in with the koreans. i was never really thin or fat. i was sure and unsure about everything all the time. i never completely found a middle, comfortable ground to stand on. i thought i had a happy place, but i realized i didn't. i was always too lost in my thoughts to make one. i wanna learn how to be comfortable in some place. some happy place where i can rest my head, because my anxiety is not letting me sleep. i wanna learn to be comfortable in my grey zone. i want that to be my happy place. i just dont know how, which i think is a good thing. not knowing can lead to more, deeper answers. i just wish i know when im going to find it.
i haven't written here in the longest time lel i needed a place to i guess vent (?) my thoughts somewhere
she's drawing constellations with the memories in her head trying to trace them back back to where it all began Was it the first star off north ? or the just right of Sirius ? or was it the day she stormed out and hid in the bathroom stall tears like lava hitting the pale marble floor the way the rain was pounding on the pavement outside wishing the clouds would go away and the year-long storm would cease ?
or maybe she's just thinking too much ? not thinking enough ? how can she think the right amount when time is endless and she's lost to infinity ?
she tries to line it up but there’s too many threads and she’s split at the end so now she’s just back where she began back to the silence back to the night back to lining up the constellations of memories in her head.
not my usual style... trying something different b/c im feeling different today :/
thank you for your love. Thank you for your guiding light. Thank you for being someone I could talk to when I couldn't sleep At night. Thank you for making me smile. Thank you for letting me cry On your shoulder. And know I'll do the same for you When I get older.
Oh sleep, she is not a friend to me I come to her kneeling at her feet and beg to give me the gift of rest She scoffs at me and tells me she does not grant a request from such a guest
Oh sleep, I cry out to you Asking for your acquaintance But I have grown accustomed To your silence and my patience
Oh sleep, you have visited my bedside last again I have watched the sun rise and the Earth awaken Please don’t mistaken my desperation My body grows weary of being a stranger To the only one who can be my savior
Oh sleep, grant my eyes to be heavy and seal them tight For I long to be reunited with my dreams tonig
I know I shouldn’t But I can’t fight the urge I miss you My feelings overwhelm me Im about to send the message Then erase it all I know i can’t But it’s so hard You’re the only person i feel this way for My comfort is you I won’t But my emotions are drowning me I need to release I send the message I feel Better But i wonder if it’s the right decision You don’t respond till later I couldn’t help it I needed you I miss you .