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s May 25
These nightmares don’t stop.
Boy please stop.
I have always had nightmares
But after you they changed.

After you got me stuck in the backseat of your truck one night on a dirt trail 30 minutes from the nearest paved road and a threat that you would hurt me more if I fought you.

After you told me to just trust you and to be quiet because you were my boyfriend and what kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn’t trust you.

After you held me down and put your hands places on me and in me that I told you were not okay.

After I told you to stop, please stop, flipping stop, you’re hurting me stop.

After you grabbed my arm and left a black and blue stain while you yelled at me to get over myself because you promised you weren’t cheating right?
You were just talking. Wait no, not talking.. you were just banging your ex girlfriend but talking and ******* are the same thing to you I guess..
right?

You scared me more than I scared myself and I think sometimes I found comfort in that.
In a very twisted way I found comfort that the bruises and scars weren’t caused by me for once.

I found comfort that I could be my own superhero instead of my own monster.

I was definitely not mentally okay
But it made me stay around because for once I had a reason to feel broken and empty and bruised.

You made me not feel so guilty for feeling depressed all the time, but you also made me feel sick and disgusting and unsafe and chaotic and terrified.

I still have nightmares about you
you left scars
You ruined my head quite a lot
And I hate you so much
I hate that you happened to me
Get the hell out of my mind

At night I get sick
I get sick and I think about how you used to pull me over to you in the bed that you put me in and how you would try to force yourself onto me and I couldn’t even mumble the word “stop” with your hand plastered over my mouth and your body pinning mine down.

These nightmares don’t stop,
It’s been a year and they haven’t stopped.
And I need them to flipping stop.
Please stop.
You’re hurting me stop.
bleh i hate my writing sometimes.
دema Mar 17
Guilt of lack of sleep
makes me decide to go to bed early,

Guilt of lack of accomplishments
makes me unable to sleep thinking about it,

Guilt of sleeping in and time wasted
makes me put 3 alarms at 6:01 am, 6:02 am, and 6:05 am,

Guilt of my emotions eating me up,
makes me unable to get up even when Im wide awake,

It turns out that guilt is the only thing I accomplish, allow to eat my day up, and yet can't decide on lacking.
Arke Mar 11
Burn the barn with the red wooden doors
Pour gasoline on the warm cedar floors
Your eyes alit against orange smoke skies
You warn me of my own demise

We watch it together, collapse and unbecome
Neither a death nor a beginning and none
A moment witnessed by death and I alone
From the flames, I cast the first stone

I blame death for all done and said
Death reminds me I too will wake dead
So I beg it to leave me to the fire
Plead that it's my time to expire

But death carries me outside once more
Tells me it will soon even the score
Not today nor tomorrow and yet
My heart stopping, a sure-fire bet

Death leaves me to deal with the flames
Find a way to work through the pain
As if heart or home could be rebuilt
As if I could forgive my own guilt

Night after night I sleep under the stars
Watch my old wounds become scars
Slowly I build a new red door and four walls
While listening to death whisper and call

Though I keep living with all these regrets
Waiting for my sun to eventually set
From old barn ashes sprouts emerge
Tiny seedlings through dirt surge

I'll watch poppies and lilies bloom
Keep working by merely light of the moon
Until I'm rebuilt and once again new
Order is brought to what was once askew

And though death seems to always draw near
I decide to abandon my fear
Even in times I'm lonely, sad or asunder
I'll take the rain, and keep the thunder
Eileen Black Dec 2018
When the Sun Sleeps (Rondeau)

When the sun sleeps, I close my eyes.
Yet little to my surprise,
my body will not rest, it seems.
And my mind refuses to dream,
no matter how hard I try.

As the moon continues to rise,
bright stars smile down from the skies,
twinkling with a happy gleam,
when the sun sleeps.

Every night, I am mesmerized
when every star does harmonize
to a singular song per diem.
Captivated by every beam,
every star I memorize,
when the sun sleeps.
Shane Rowe Nov 2018
I just want to cry
I can't seem to do that lately
My mess is all bottled up inside
But the cork is ******* on tightly
Tears don't come as fast it should
What an unnerving feeling
My emotions has betrayed me
Has drained me
I am feeling nothing and everything at once
It makes the room spin slightly
A hole where the loudness started
Has grown bigger each day
Sneaking its way into my dreams
To torment me awake
I lay in silence til dawn breaks
I do not feel safe
Sleep, old friend
Come as soon as you can
It's 3 am.
Lexa Oct 2018
Oh you know I keep on runnin
And my heart it can’t stop thumpin
I just can’t stop

We’ve got all of these issues
Baby gets some tissues
I have to say a lot

Forgive me for the blatancy
But I could use some urgency
When I say I miss you
I mean for you to run

Give me your best
I’ll forget the rest
All these days they fly
So tell me why

I lost you a long time ago
You don’t love me like you did
Next to you I feel alone
But our house is still my home

Kiss me like you mean it
Love me I have seen it
When it’s good and it’s good
Now it’s bad so let’s go back
I’ll never get to sing to him again
martjn ysidro Sep 2018
my room is an angled shape
my head is a quiet midnight
awake
my mood is a backward doom

the google of my heart
searches regrets, results in many pages

i don't think, i love
i don't breathe, i'm temporary

so were you
and you were mine.

my room is an angled shape
my head is a quiet midnight
asleep
my doom is a backward mood
Pure of Stars Aug 2018
somethings inside of me
killing me
very very slowly
it’s strange
because it’s not making me sick
well not your type of sick
instead it’s taking my mind
and unscrewing all of its bolts
tainting my soul red
and banging my heart against my ribcage
Andrew Choo Aug 2018
staring at the white walls
and the cardinal ceiling;
eyes closed
my body's posed
for dreams' beams
and leaps of sheep.
mind high,
i wonder why...
twitch glitch
ironic chronic
anxious atrocious
i lay awake
i can't sleep
gamble scramble
black jack
off-track
insomniac
3 AM in the morning; what to do.... who am i.... where am i..... when can i sleep?
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