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life is the teacher
and all of us the students.
whatever the test:

there is a lowest common denominator
as our weakest spots one may know so well
are poked and they are prodded over and over
by each person pushing up against and sometimes
over our boundaries, by our friends, by the people
we may work with, our neighbours, and maybe
the hardest of all, our parents, siblings, children,
and of course our partners, as they come and go.

but even in actions that feel designed to be
hurtful and malicious, even then maybe they
are working on behalf of the universe in teaching
us a very particular message and lesson, in learning
that "no" is sometimes the very best answer, and if
we let go of expectations, being a spectator to our
own lives rather than taking all those lumps on
the field, the problems and worries begin to
dwindle, and nothing has changed on the
outside, the power inside of us we've
always had is revealed in suffering
and our ownership of what direction
our lives go in, it's all on me, it's all on us.

being ******* for a while is ok;
allow yourself to be angry, or hurt,
or desperate, whatever you feel, but
know when it's time to feel it without
holding on, let it flow through you and
the greatest miracle will then happen, as
we're pushed to the very edge of what
we can accept and still maintain our
sanity, those emotions that flow
through magically turn into
gratitude at every problem
being another chance to
change and to grow, and
we see those that have caused
us any pain, whether it was their
intention or not, it was the intention
of the universe to teach us what we want
and what we don't, what we'll put up with
and what we will not, to teach us of our power,
and all these old grudges and slights that i used to
get mad, or hurt, all over again if crossing my mind,
now each one that comes to mind, i say a thank-you
to them for all they have taught me, most of all, to
show me exactly where my limits are, and power
to enforce boundaries far before limits are
reached, for a person with no limits is
someone in very deep trouble, and
someone who can't take no for an
answer is never safe to give yes
as an answer to either, never.

sometimes we need to trust in what
others see, checking our blind-spots,
but pain is the ultimate arbiter of
when to trust others, or when we
can only, wisely, trust in ourselves.
Silver Springs

for j.s.
Jade C Oct 5
we are not tethered;
not bound in a binary way

nor are we separate
two pins on a map distinctly apart

picture how letter lights bleed together
how they blur when your eyes are tired

or how oil and vinegar touch
but do not mix

we are compatible
but not absorbed into one another

significantly outside of
the other
but close nevertheless
not really sure where im going with this, will be revisiting and revising.
Simon Sep 25
A girl who has NO boundaries for "self-servitude", is made to calm the collective rush in their very ("sudden, immediate and unexpected") heart! A heart that isn't bounded by truer believes (than what actually should be more brought up "frequently", altogether). Before it's too late to react! (You who costs nothing...but a single "penny of hope", is more to "fail" ALL the same from within that steady heart that's going too collapse sooner rather than later!) Because something that's too (sudden, immediate and unexpected) isn't meant "to fail all the same" when everything starts to "repeat, repeat, repeat"...all over again! (For there's NEVER such a thing as a "rinsing effect"...for a doll moment when you keep repeat, repeat, repeat, "inadvertently" speaking!) Rendering your literal inability to appose upon a gutless feeling that shouldn't allow you to get the last laugh of such an impending material of obstruction...that is your own heart! Because believes are (sooner or later) stolen by that very heart of yours, after all... That's exactly why the human heart could also be called the "triple thread".... Due too it's ability to render itself towards your own mind for the utterly directionless "sudden, immediate and unexpected" drop on how your own consciousness can't prepare for it... When it was already meant too tear itself away from what (sense of duty) is even about...???
Because if you truly knew what that very sense of duty was even about, then you'd probably would have known (later on in life) when the damage had already been then. (Suppose to not officially knowing, right then and there.) Accept that's another story for an entirely different time (for another passing thought on... "A girl who has NO boundaries for "self-servitude.")
Self-servitude is a timeless retreat too officially promote you into the most diverse situation ("imaginable")!
All so it can detest ALL opportunities for a such very healthy circumstance to balance ALL the clutter that comes with having NO boundaries to a girl that has yet to come to terms with.
Kitten Yvad Sep 18
you first saw me
talked to me so softly
told me you'd hold my hand
through the falls with me

through the pain with me
you said
we could look at it together

thats what you've done.
though sometimes i can't see it
look at how far i've come.

we'd talk my way back
from the edge of a cliff
and you stood right there
with me as though it was
your cliff too.

It'll be time one day
and my heart will split up
and grieve and ask the question
"Why can't we be lovers?"

i already know why
i explore it all the time
I throw all my pain at your
chest and your chest is fine
I hope

I love you

your voice is motherly
loving encouraging urgent
seductive reasonable stormy
and sane

I've been in love with you
I've been in love
with so many people
I've used my love for you
to love other people

hopefully better

things that are forbidden and also taste like heaven.
usagi Sep 11
Everyone changes as they go through life thats what growing up  means, to change and to grow. I have always been ready for change, always hopeful for change, I always beat myself up for the parts of me that felt, too soft. I wanted to change. Too empathetic equated to too stupid. Much of the pain I had gone through in my life as a kid, that was out of my hands. But so much of the pain I went through as a young teenager/adolescent was my own fault and most people told me it was because I felt too deeply. I really believed for years, I could never change that part of myself, that I would always feel too deeply, fall too deeply in love, give more in every relationship with friends and family. I believed there was nothing I could do about that. I thought it was just who I was and I hoped I would meet someone who would be the same, I figured that way neither of us would hurt each other, and we could be happy; because we were both the same, we were both soft.

I soon learned that it wasn't that simple, because when I got it,  I was less interested in it myself. Ironic eh.

I was told I would never be an extraordinary woman, unless I dropped my ideals about love. That unless I built walls around my heart, I would always end up mediocre. Then I started medical school. I spent my first 3 semesters, agonizing, barely making it through school, hurting over everything and struggling over everything, struggling because I lived far away from home, struggling to hold relationships down from overseas, barely making any ends meet at all. I was hurting so deeply. All my feelings were making it very hard to focus in school, I did not have the capacity to compartmentalize, and it seemed all my colleagues were so well versed with this. I thought that maybe my personality type wasn't cut out for this profession, but who was I kidding, doctors are meant for healing, and you had to be an empathetic person to heal, right? Thats how I convinced myself to stay. I was born for this. But I was encouraged to go home, I did not fit the personality criteria.

But one day, I just stopped feeling, I got so good at compartmentalizing that feeling things and coddling relationships with people became so easy to push to the side and I never went back to them. I just left them there, out of the way. And when I went back to visit them, they seemed to no longer even matter to me, barely eliciting a response from me. I realized I had become an exceptional student, but I had become like everyone else. I felt cold, and I felt that I had lost myself. I don’t know if I like myself better now. It's exactly who I wanted to be, right?  I must say it is nice not to get upset about things, to take things to heart, and to not care, its a freedom I had never given myself. It felt like a luxury.

Then I met someone, and he is in every way perfect. And he is exactly the soft guy, the guy my little soul hoped to meet one day. Except, I wasn't soft anymore I was calloused, and his feeling became a burden to me, the way my big emotions were once a burden on people in my life. Kind words didn’t spill out of me the way they used to and instead they were replaced by cruel words that dribbled out with such ease that it frightened me. It was easy for me to hurt someone, and not feel deeply saddened by it. I do not know who I am now, and I do not know how to fix it, I do not know if I will ever be myself again, and I do not know how to be with someone who is like who I was once like. And now I sit here on the other side, realizing how annoying I was to other people who I loved, And I cant bring myself to understanding what had happened. And I can’t even believe I was thinking in such ways, because I remember how much it had hurt me.

Medical school has changed me and I do not think I will ever be who I was.
My friends and family may see me as cold, but I see myself as reborn.
It is an opportunity to learn.
My empathy will not be the reason I self destruct, it will become my strongest attribute.
I am relearning how to love, but this time I am starting with myself.
Lizzy Love Sep 1
I don't need your arms to hold me,
your blank stares to reel me in.
You can keep your twisted maze of lies,
the end where I begin.
I must forge my chosen path,
it only leads one way.
And shall I cross you wandering,
I'll lead you far away.
You have no place inside my home,
you must go find your own.
I'll show you to my soul's front door,
and reclaim my proper throne.
Late night soul dredging.
Mayur dembda Aug 18
Waking up with the power to acquire the success I ran behind,
My head starts to spin as soon as I hit my bed empty-handed.

I ate my feeling away,
Digested the food but not the emotions.
Punched my stomach, just to stop my hunger.

My state of mind died,
while I counted the calories I consumed.

I lost nine kgs but I'm still sad.
Maybe my body wasn't the problem all along.
Maybe it was me, not accepting myself,
Whilst accepting people who really didn't care.

But I'm ready to break my boundaries.
I'm ready to grow and not just belong.
Vee Jul 24
Just remember, the next one you choose
Choose wisely-
Be selective,
Of the habits and disguised demons you allow to occupy
Your space
Because truth be told,
As women, we will be their emotional home
And this home is sacred.
Build your pillars high and strong
Made concrete of love, humility, sensitivity, empathy
Radiating an identity of beauty
A distinguished strength.
All may want a glimpse, but--
Only you know the labor of building this foundation;
Brick by brick,
Bare hands,
bleeding day and night,
And you cried yourself to sleep thinking of all you lost
To gain what you have in front of you today.
The one you let in to your sacred abode
Will come to you at day’s lay with all his sorrow,
Vulnerable, expressive, head held low.
A cruel punishment from society to think he does not have the tools
that you have and you are the only one who holds the power to soothe
His battle wounds.
Love this man--
But if one day there is a crack in your pillar
And you are feeling weighed down from pulling a boulder to the top
Every day like Sysiphus;
Crawling out of a pit of despair on your hands and knees
Needing a place to lay your head,
Make sure your man is a man
That understands the strength of your emotions
And his own
To carry and lift you both up without a word,
Like the wind beneath an arctic tern.
Helping you secure your pillars before you fall completely apart
As he knows this is his home too,
So he must care for it like his own.
Haley Jun 30
I’m going to push my boundaries,
And the deep walls I have buried within.
Because this song is about loving me,
And if I keep playing the same tune it’ll wear me thin.

So if I change it up,
Switch the beat and play myself up,
Maybe I can find a way to be tough,
And yet still be me.

It'll be hard but it’s worth the try,
If I can hold your hand and look into your eyes.
I’m willing to push my boundaries,
Just for you to love me.
~ I've been some writers block recently, so sorry for the inconsistent posts. I'll work harder to flex my emotions in the future. Stay safe!
Empire Jun 15
I’m so ******* sick of all this *******
It’s exhausting
I’m tired of it!
I’m not your possession
I’m not your slave
Your subordinate
Your minion
Your tool
Your punching bag
Your therapy

I am an adult human being
I’m a person
I’m your ******* daughter
To Mom xo
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