I think you look but fail to see
What's right in front of your eyes
The problems steadily harassing me
You don't seem to recognize

If it was up to you we'd live
Like this forever I suppose
Mistake after mistake I forgive
Staying through highs and lows

But you keep saying things will change
I'm a fool so I believe
Stupid how I find lies strange
After all this time why am I still naive?

Looking down on my lack of will
When I can't follow through on my word
Your promises you don't try to fufill
The hypocrisy is absurd

I wish I knew how you felt about me
Wish I could read your mind
When I ask you simply ignore my plea
So your feelings remain undefined

You say you love me just as much
As you did when this began
But something feels different in your touch
I honestly don't understand

My attraction for you increases every day
No
Every second that passes by
More and more you are pulling away
While I'm left here asking why

I work so hard to fix this mess
So both our wounds can heal
Going in circles
Make no progress
Like a hamster running a wheel

But I'll never give up hope
I'll remain devoted and strong
Even if we reach the end of our rope
I'll continue holding on

You brought me flowers
Was honestly surprised
Certainly were beautiful
Betrayal cleverly disguised

I awoke without you there
Note explaining where you went
When you came home with a big bouquet
Knew exactly what that meant

That in the hours you were away
Had done something I’d disapprove
Suspicions were confirmed by that gesture
I had no way to prove

Sifted through your phone of course
You’re good at covering tracks
Had plans to meet up with some girl
Was told to chill and relax

That you did not actually follow through
Stopped to drop off some dope
Her and a couple of other people
Reason for me to mope

It was other errands you ran
Took so long
You swear
Don’t know if you expect me to believe
Or you just don’t care

You thought you were sneaky and smart
Bringing somebody along
Because if you had a chaperone
Could you have done anything wrong?

Which would have worked eons ago
I’m catching on to your tricks
Hard as I try to tear down your walls
You’re faster stacking bricks

I ask from you the truth
Though i give more in return
By now should be used to the sadness
My stupid heart refuses to learn

I keep asking what’s wanted from me
Thinking I’m not worthy of a reply
Maybe you don’t know the answer
Either way I am left asking why

Why can’t you stop slipping away?
Out of hands and into the air
All we’ve been through
Ups and downs
Now do you not want me there?

I am hoping this is just a phase
Patient I force myself to be
You get it out of your system
Like you when waiting for me

I have made poor choices in the past
Forgive me but can’t forget
Tried to move forward and start over
I can tell it still makes you upset

I suspect that is justification
Smashing my heart to pieces
I hate myself for all that I am
Your attraction decreases

I do not know when feelings shifted
It’s clear yours aren’t the same
Maybe til now you were pretending
Whole relationship simply a game

My head beyond damaged
Stories that don’t make sense
I am going crazy
Issues seem so immense

I am easily manipulated
By your hand
Into different shapes
I can no longer stand

You are my biggest weakness
Temptation I can’t resist
I can’t have you for my own
Should I even exist?

I should thank you for your presence
You come home to me each night
As you spend days with other women
I fear you can’t stand my sight

I wish I could trust like before
You won’t give deceit a rest
See through your veil of loyalty
Know better than protest

I wonder
Did you get her a present?
If the floral arrangement was just for me
May not be fair to hate her
Probably shares my agony

Except has the worse half of the deal
I get most of your heart
Rest is scattered in pieces
Others have a tiny part

They should have common decency
Respect the commitment we share
Since it clearly doesn’t matter to you
Why would they bother to ******* care?

I am aware I am a lucky girl
Call you my best friend
If you no longer picture a future together
Don’t prolong the end

I do not know how to change this
To make you happy once more
Hold the flood of tears inside
The second you walk out the door

Then waterfalls gush out of eyes
Rivers of snot flow from nose
Have no interest in hearing my sorrows
I won’t burden you with my woes

I try maintaining composure
You are near
Should be able to sense my emotions
Not as stable as they appear

But you are constantly distracted
Consistently divided
I pour my all into a relationship
Grows more and more one-sided

Even if you stop buying presents
Come back to the house less and less
I will remain devoted and true
Never fixing this mess

Roses the closest I will get
Any sort of apology
Someday you won’t buy me flowers
You’ll only need to be with me

I thought you were my ride or die
Now I sit here asking why
Why do you not love me the way I love you?
Your feelings changing
Can’t mine change too?
I wish I did not care so it wouldn’t hurt this much
Run further away the tighter I clutch
I wish we were still same two people who fell head over heels
Watched as we changed
I hate how this feels
I told you my secrets and my biggest fears
In return you remained by my side throughout the years
You have made life better than I ever expected
Tried my best to keep you from feeling neglected
I know not the easiest person to be around
You’re there each time I need help up off the ground
I promise will never stop fighting for what we’ve got
A reason you overtake each and every thought
Are you lying?
You say you’re still in love with me
There’s someone else who with you'd rather be
When saying “always” I meant you’d always have my heart
Guess when you said it you meant I’d always have a part
But that piece I will cherish and save
Carry til I’m resting in my grave
I thought I would be your ride or die until the very end
Guess that to you our relationship is dead

I did not think this day would come
The love in your eyes fades away
Would do anything to fix us
To make you stay

I wonder what you are thinking about
How you actually feel about me
I want the most to know the truth
Parts you don't let me see

I am not sure what's real or not
You are so good at telling lies
Pointless yet I am determined
To break your disguise

I love you unconditionally
Always and forever will
If you no longer feel the same
Why continue to say you do still?

If it's because you are scared of being alone
Can tell you right now you'll be fine
Many girls are just waiting for their chance
The moment you are no longer mine

And you deserve the best
The happiness you desire
Should have known that eventually
Of my foolishness you'd tire

You do more than I could ever deserve
From the start I knew
You were far too good for me
Was lucky just to be with you

I know good things never last
So I do not know why I'm surprised
Guess I was naive to believe
Feelings would never be compromised

Our love for eachother so strong
Was all I could be sure about
Despite ****** up things we endured
Connection remained free from doubt

We went through worst together
Lived to experience the best
It wasn't always easy
Relationship passed each test

Now out of nowhere **** starts to change
No reason I can find
Are you growing apart from me?
Scared I'll be left behind

I am desperate for a solution
Be what you need once more
It seems like you're ready to end it
Halfway out the front door

I love more than I ever have
The harder I try the more we fight
Can tell you're getting sick of me
I can't stop holding you tight

I wish I could behave more like her
Carefree
Down to have fun
Used to have such good times together
Seems like those days are done

Stressed under heavy pressure
Both work to lift the weight
Do my best to lighten the load
My worry makes it inflate

She may not nag
***** at you
I bet if you put her in my place
Years of games and illusions
Would not be as eager to replace

History between us hard
It's filled with so much hurt
I understand why it's nice to escape
Hang out with her and flirt

But you do not know eachother well
Hasn't seen your darker side
I'm sure she has her fair share as well
Secrets and flaws kept inside

You know inside and out
My absolute worst
Can be a lot to handle at times
I will never quit putting you first

I support whatever you pick
You want a break to see how it goes
However long you need
Trying people like shoes or clothes

I do not want anyone else
For your sake I will pretend
Don't want concern to hold you back
You are scared my heart won't mend

I deserve to be permanently broken
All the mistakes I have made
Perhaps the suffering would be gone
If only then I would have stayed

I will forever call you my soulmate
If you leave and never return
No one else could ever replace
Your touch I'll always yearn

Hopefully find your way back to my arms
The happiness you couldn't find with me
Even if I give somebody else my heart
You will always have the key

I want to see you smile
No matter what that takes
Understand if we can't fix our love
I've made too many mistakes

I desperately wish to go backwards in time
Do things the right way instead
In the moment we never can be sure
The future waiting ahead

I would not hurt you on purpose
No intention to cause you pain
If able to warn my younger self I would
Heart would never wear that stain

When we started I was immature
Had a lot of growing up to do
Nobody had meant as much
None could ever matter like you

I do not understand how I got so lucky
Fell into my lap
Found everything I was looking for
Without any compass or map

How we stumbled upon such treasure
Most spend whole lives without
We beat the odds and circumstances
What others only dream about

These days sense feelings slipping
Through fingers bit by bit
Try to catch the pieces as they fall
Scramble as ground they hit

Hands cannot hold the weight we carry
Full of old resentment
Wonder if we were brave and let go
Our lives would one day be content

Attached at hips from the get-go
In sync
It didn't seem real
Disbelief that an angel like you
Shared the same attraction I feel

In love
Free of worry
The first time in my life
Made me want to be a better person
You'd be proud to call your wife

Then lost sight of our initial goals
Touch with reality
First steps toward the end were taken
Sets of eyes too blind to see

It began to disintegrate
We were weak and unable to change
The happy ending envisioned
Moved out of range

Now it is a constant struggle
Getting over past distress
Clings to every passing moment
Pre-existing stress

And I am doing my best to help
Problems keep stacking up
Efforts no longer impress you
Did they stop being enough?

My attempts to you disappointing
Rekindle the spark we once had
Demeanor remains indifferent
Whether I am angry
Happy
Or sad

Let go I'm afraid I must
If I even can
Without you have no purpose
Safety net or back-up plan

Cause it is obvious you are all I want
After all these years
A reason I'm still holding on tight
You are worth unanswered questions and tears

We are on two different pages it seems
I'm the last to know
It's my turn to bathe in rejection
To watch you go

That misery has circled back around
Drowning relentless regret
Torturing mind nightly
I'd still never choose to forget

Though things are different now
Moments shared will stay the same
Heart is yours to own forever
Regardless who owns your last name

Perhaps our roads will cross
Present ******* is left behind
Separate definitions of success
Magically realign

Cause I am sick of waiting for nothing
Been awhile since you showed you care
To get used to your neglect is tough
Be grateful just having you there

You consume every thought
Obsessing words you say
Coded meanings
In vague clues thrown my way

Mind when I am stuck stabbing my skin
You've been there before
Swear I'd throw all my points in the trash
You'd not talk to other girls anymore

Alone
I don't know what to do
Become the only one you need
It's too late for that
Your soul is ready to be freed

I miss you when you're home
Your focus is miles away
Not flirting with some pretty girl
Business gets in the way

But have to accept what little you give
No matter how it kills me inside
Refuse to compromise or cooperate
Truth you're determined to stubbornly hide

To say goodbye completely destroys me
Bring to life my greatest fear
What's the point of holding us down?
I'm not even wanted here

I did not mean to make mistakes
Feel defeated at each turn
Getting weighed down by missed opportunities
Heaviest those which will not return
Thinking back to simpler times
I miss smiles we couldn't control
Wishing it could be that easy again
But it's hard when we are not quite whole
Each day weakens my tired shoulders
Vision clouded by permanent haze
Walking in circles
Bones aching with fear
Just trying to get out of this maze

After the doomsday
Our relationship
Wasn't much left

My heart turned into a barren wasteland
No signs of life

Zero survivors

All feelings that used to flood my body had fallen victim to the slow disease poisoning my flesh called heartbreak

There was a deadly epidemic
No emotion was spared
Widespread and timely demise
From the word "goodbye"

Now living through each day is torture

Within a huge desert landscape I roam
To find a way to repopulate my soul with happiness again

The apocalypse ended up being a real *****

Totally submerged in an ocean of fear
I lay my heart on the line
Those three little words I am desperate to hear
I feel like you're no longer mine

Shallow breath razor sharp in my throat
Puddles of tears soak the floor
In a flood of pain and I can't float
So I drown until I wash ashore

Halfway to Hell
No way to turn back
So we stop right where we are
Have no idea how we got so off track
I just know that distance is too far

Alone on a chilly night in September
Lost emotions still vividly remember
Sands of time erase happier days
Wondering why so little good stays

When I don't hear from you I stress
Inner storm only tamed by your caress
The weather lately has taken a turn
For the cold my heart holds will always return

Where my footprints fade and yours begin
Moments eternity seems suspended in
With another call straight to voicemail goes
Saltwater teardrops I fight like foes

At war with my own weakness and doubt
Puzzles and riddles I can't figure out
Shadows overtake our souls with shame
Empty and vacant
Demons steal our names

When you disappear I am left neglected
To forgive you comes easier than expected
The tide pulls you out and washes back ashore
Each time I wonder what you even leave me for?

I would tell me a joke but don't think I can laugh
Do not wanna waste a punchline
Open my mouth and hear my voice
The words spoken aren't mine
Syllables beyond recognition
Fail to accurately recite
The sentences arranged within
Speech not coming out right
Overlapping ideas in my brain
Equal a blurry picture
I guess depression plus memory loss
Makes for a terrible mixture

I met someone who restored faith in humanity
Only for a little while

Very kind
Polite

The kind of person idolized

While at the lowest point
My life
Reached down from a high point in his and helped me climb up a few notches

I wish for things to get better
But wishes don't come true
Birthday candles
Shooting stars
Eyelashes
I've tried them all

Upon a friend I wished one day that they would never leave
Yet I look around me presently and that friend is nowhere to be found

If only to escape my disappointment I have boycotted wishing altogether

I do not put faith in people
Ideas
Or objects anymore

Instead if wanting something
I go out there and make it happen myself

Our energies peaked in perfect synchronization
The ultimate pinnacle of all elation
Nothing in this world has a flavor as sweet
As your sensual lips when our mouths gently meet
Something a brain can't neatly put into a box and hide
Futile analyzation of the tangled emotions kept inside
What is the origin of longing I fail to repress?
Desire too powerful to accurately express
Confident your heart holds identical emotion
Bound to each other by endless devotion
Like the moon and the sun we set and we rise
Take turns being the light in each others skies
I look at your face and my breath is taken
Right out of my chest
I let you break-in
Nobody else on Earth could unlock the door
Though many have tried to find the key before
You were the first to successfully step inside my soul
And the last
Because you have finally made me whole

It wasn't that long ago
At least it feels that way
Though three years have passed
It seems like yesterday

We haven't exchanged words since then
Though I yearn to once in awhile
I wonder if you are happy now
It was rare to see you smile

You would always put up a fuss
Whether the issue was big or small
Mood would spike then drop back down
Like a game of volleyball

Laughter was a hidden treasure
Seldom heard from your direction
Your negativity would fester and grow
Then spread like an infection

I tired of your constant critique
Hearing you consistently curse
Instead of taking responsibility
Blamed your problems on the universe

Honestly it was ******* my heart
Difficult to be your friend
Some of your words sliced me deep
Leaving wounds that still won't mend

I tried to understand your motive
But your walls are made of concrete
After countless attempts to scale their heights
I finally admitted defeat

A little part of me is ashamed
That my efforts were not enough
But it was your choice to shut the world out
Pride forcing you to act tough

I didn't know how to help you
So I ended up giving you space
Sure that our friendship was sacred
A bond you could not replace

You covered up your true feelings
With silent eyes cast toward the ground
Kept your judgement a secret
Even when (in need) you came around

If you cared you would have shared concern
Talked to me one-on-one
Yet you waited until the right moment
To rip me open in front of everyone

You intentionally caused me harm
Tried to make me look bad
Out of nowhere trashed my name
With no reason to be had

That was where I drew the line
Blocked your facebook account
After apologizing first
More times than I can count

Finished being the better person
Taking blows to my pride
Convincing myself that you were worth it
Actually different inside

If I mattered to you at all
You would have confessed you were wrong
But you never have and you never will
I had put up with your **** far too long

Although I miss your presence
Those nights I cannot sleep
Your selfishness drove me away
So for you I dare not weep

You were my best friend forever
But forever ended too fast
Now the only love between us
Is love shared in the past

Pretending to be angry
Is not the hard part
It is feeling like I
Do not know your heart

The worst part is listening
To the voice that lied to me
Whisper apologies in the dark
Words sweet as potpourri

Close your mind to truth
Make it hard for us
To find any balance
Even harder to trust

In your eyes the line between
Wrong and right is not clear
And that my love is truly
The sole root of all my fear

Tonight
Bury who I was
Down beneath the dirt
Laying rest to lost innocence I will never get back

Begin the funeral procession
Pay respects to another naive heart
Poet who felt too much
One dreamer who still believed true love existed

Close the casket
Lower me in
Girl I used to be is gone
Below six feet of mistrust and betrayal


She died the moment you left

I do not want to argue anymore
Show me the way to the door
I would rather slum it surfing couch to couch
Than hide from life as I slack and slouch
Look down upon from your self-righteous horse
Insults hurled til your voice is hoarse
And "wouldn't you feel bad if I died?"
As if unaware of how I feel inside

I was remembering when we were new
Love was an uncharted land
Our time was spent navigating
Mapping bodies with both hands

And tough times built us mountains
To ensure we would grow strong
Standing solid through the struggle
You were my rock when things went wrong

All the lovely sleepless nights
Spent texting thoughts and fears
Were the beginning of our voyage
We were unwitting pioneers

Although the departure was scary
I knew I had no choice but to start
Despite the danger and risk of failure
Instincts said 'follow your heart'

So we decided to set sail together
Though neither had yet steered a ship
Our commitment and passion kept us above waves
The duration of our trip

When the water turned rough and choppy
We almost began to sink
On the paper used to draw our course
Temporarily ran out of ink

It was you who saved me from drowning
When I foolishly jumped off the boat
Abandoned our vessel in fear of shipwreck
With one oar you made us float

Forgiveness forged a way to shore
Filled the pen with tears and blood
So we could continue cartography
From the place the picture smudged

We have come a great distance since that day
But still have a lot left to explore
Though the diagram of our hearts is complete
Life is still showing us more

Thick woods
Green fields
Dry deserts of sand
Our feelings guide us through it all
Our graph gets larger as time passes
And harder for you I fall

The route we travelled was complex
There were easier by far
But the difficult terrain molded us
Into the people we now are

Our direction was not influenced
But entirely our own
I'd rather our tumultuous journey
Than a simple one alone

Because you are my final destination
No matter where our path may lead
Location is irrelevant
When your arms are the only home I need

I never knew our relationship
Would be the atlas discovered
But I hope you realize I'm grateful
For each millimeter uncovered

I can't explain the overwhelming attraction
The magnetism connecting us two
But from the moment we met one thing was certain
My soul's compass pointed straight to you

Sometimes wish I was normal but what does that even mean?
Nobody privately is as normal as they seem
Some of us hide behind a false veil of protection
Others wear mistakes as armor for protection
I own what I have done so no one can give me ****
Impossible to understand if they haven't lived through it
Everyone struggles
We all feel pain
I never judge those whose choices aren't the same
I hope I grow to find happiness once more
Along with freedom I harbored before
How long until efforts prevail?
Progressing at a pace slower than a snail
I hate myself because I am weak
Expectations way too high to meet
Falling centimeters short of each goal
Cannot fall asleep but can fall into these holes
Every time I strive it's in vain
Can hear the taunts of success i can't attain
I love seeing people smile
Laugh
Maybe some joy will rub off as they pass

You were my knight
Shining armor
Chess board was our home
Queen's fondness you garnered
A kiss sweeter than honeycomb

I truthfully want to be close to you
A real friend who you talk to each day
Somehow fights erupt over nothing
Arguing gets in the way

You just want me to be healthy
And normal like you think you are
But I can see you're clearly not
Weakness visible from afar

Another year quickly passes by
Hung up on past mistakes
Old offenses should be forgiven
You don't have the strength it takes

I just want a clean slate in your eyes
A second chance to impress
But you can't peel off your predetermined labels
Convinced I'm incapable of progress

It is difficult to face the truth
Your pride I will never earn
So I may as well give up trying
To my bad habits reluctantly return

I accept you just as you are
Favorite pain-in-the-***
Thought we hated each other as kids
Was wrong to conclude so fast

Nothing can replace family
Though at times you drive me mad
We've always had each other for support
That's a lot more than some others had

You think you know what is best for me
Preaching about my decisions
I wish you could see you don't have all the answers
Put an end to derision

Someone needs to show you
How to make a change in the way
You brutally express your thoughts
Or I'll keep walking away

You are not as perfect as you believe
There's no difference between you and I
How can you stand there intoxicated
Lecturing me not to get high?

I yearn to share intimate details
Hidden deep in my brain
Halted by your lack of empathy
You wouldn't understand my pain

You insist on criticizing me
Each time you come around
Maybe you should fix a few things in your own life
Before you choose to put mine down

The years keep flying too fast
They are faster than hands can catch
Move as quick as I possibly can
For time I am no match
So many moments I cannot get back
Wasted youth's foolish haste
Now that I am older I'm realizing
Memories cannot be returned or replaced
From now on will cherish every second
Spent together happy or mad
Life is too short to be ungrateful
You're my one and only dad

I wanna let you know
You are the only guy for me
I leave
It hurts me so
With you wish I could always be
The hardest part
Letting go
I have to say goodbye
Though I try to force time to slow
Keeps on passing by

Last night my eyes were opened
Now I see where we truly are
I knew we weren't close to the finish line
But had no clue exactly how far

Gazing up at the heavens
At the stars and the moon in the sky
They felt more reachable than you
I have to wonder why

I whispered goodnight in a voice soft as mud
As the sun's rays began to peek
Over the horizon like the pink of a blush
Warming a rose-tinted cheek

I recalled a time of simple pleasures
The days when your body was new
Love was a strange grand adventure
And smiles were all our mouths knew

You called me beautiful every day
The words escaped like you had no choice
And although you still say it often
Sincerity is stripped from your voice

We have managed to hold on tight enough
To each others hands through the years
Despite time changing us around
To stand side by side today here

I wish we could travel back to the start
So many mistakes I'd undo
But the one thing I could never alter
Is the fact that I met you

They say at the end of your rope to tie a knot and hold on

There is light touching the horizon

But what do you do when your grip slowly slips loose?

When insides of your palms are lubricated with sweat

And the crevasse below darker than a black hole

So much that it threatens to rise up and with one tug take you spiralling downwards to swallow you whole

So instead of making a knot at the bottom of your fraying rope you may as well tie a noose instead