A cold abrasion Numbing as quickly As the words outpouring Making raw a mind Knowing no different Than to accept And try to live with The disappointment Of oneself.
Havoc raining as a wave Twice as tall Allowing no escape But to watch As the trauma unfolds And the words Spoken out of hate Branded on my brain As a reminder Of being unworthy.
A blank canvas Unknowing To the wide staring eyes Bruised beneath The blank canvas veil That is the shell Of skin, More alien on this body The more photo albums A mind fills with memories.
Could I really be The monster Of which She speaks?
Deleting Is the only option To escape the toil Of counting fingers And reading Truths and falsehoods To conclude Innocence or guilt In my adolescence.
Silence is a grave That one finds comfort in When these walls Are so used to ringing ears From the storm That only lasts seconds But lingers In the gilded silence As the mind speaks Above the bloodflow When all one can do Is plug ears With fingertips In order to live with oneself
Retaliation lies beneath The bleeding Now only visible If friends are let close To see As the heart Tears threads That have been sewn To restrict emotion Loosening the seal On the demon cradled within
A furnace Are thrown the old photo albums But in turn are the recents As a block in the mind Has been created To forget Because nothing is worth remembering During a childhood Of only knowing The names And the fear Of what you are, And after such a block has been made Remembrance Is no longer A thread Sewn in To allow an escape.
I listen to the endless cries of cats at night Lonely and helpless, Abandoned and forgotten Living in a narrow, deserted alleyway. I’ve left cans of food for them, But that’s not what they want They want love To feel protected and sheltered By the sheer warmth of compassion Some may want to be reunited with their mothers Or from their owners’. No matter how many times these poor animals were left out in the cold Or met with the scorching rays of the sun We’ve neglected them to the point where Anything better than what they have right now will suffice. The next time I hear their cries I can’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of guilt Part of me wants to take every one of them out of their miserable lives But some of these cats had lives Some of us overlooked that Walked right pass a cat that belonged to someone who didn’t want them anymore Threw them out like the piles of trash In the alleyway.
To sing to a void of silence, eating away at the sound I make, Hoping something reacts and makes a sound. I realized the pattern before me. A sea of silence A space of eyes Alone, in this place Singing my heart aloud...
But then i begin to wonder;
why? When it's only me in the end. Am I crazy to continue to share my emotions with the eyes Although they don't provide me the company I desire
Am I singing to feel sane Or is it because I'm starting to feel tired Cold, descending into the abyss of depravity
I'm not really okay I just want to be held But once again
It's only me...singing alone In a deep silence of eyes
Forever trapped in a pattern that won't decay
...Sometimes I think about deleting my accounts and writing my poems in my notes. I don't even know if they're decent on the site. I rarely get feedback...just a number of eyes that have "observed" my emotions.
You want to survive, you want to fight you need to prove that you can get through the night but after so many years of being a scapegoat you realize that no matter what, you're still stuck on the same boat
All you wanna do is tell them what they did wrong yet they just keep singing their ignorance song
you don't even care if you become successful and rich as long as you find a wonderful wife, and have beautiful kids Yet after all this time you realize you're on your own left behind, heartbroken, with an enormous l̶o̶a̶n̶ debt..
you can keep on moving, keep on running but even so the problems will always be coming
Still you gotta keep on fighting, even after so long because the good things comes only to those who stay strong
for after all this time, after all this pain you gotta prove that you can do it, and that it wasn't all in vain
Growing up feeling nothing but neglect, abandonment and lonliness is rough but if you run every time evil comes to pummel, how will you prove there is light at the end of the tunnel?