I always hurt by caring too much
Expecting similar effort in return
This time thought I could maintain control
Some habits too deeply rooted to unlearn
There seems to be no magic number
Of heartbreaks able to change my ways
Come back to the very thing that destroys me
Resolve weakens in a matter of days
Each time I crash a little harder
The throbbing gets worse, injuries more severe
Plunged into a deep pool of denial
Would rather live a lie than face you not here
Although the agony is somewhat unbearable
Weight of dishonesty too heavy to hold
Know without a doubt it does not compare
To torment of watching our romance unfold
The most difficult decision I have ever made
Has been to give up on what I poured time into
Level the skyscraper that took eons to build
Clear unsalvagable wreckage and begin anew
Though all that remains are tiny pieces and dust
Of love we were so proud to call our home
I desperately scramble for answers in the ruins
Mind broken, I relentlessly comb
Looking like a pitiful fool
Witnesses point, scoff loudly, and stare
They don't understand how it feels to lose your heart
Should be embarrassed but I'm far too unaware
Oblivious to disarrayed surroundings
Aching nerves scorch muscles with greif
Any semblance of time long ago flew away
Have been trapped an eternity in a stupor of disbelief
****** sore palms red from scouring sharp sections
Hunting the same oversifted handfuls of our past for a trace
Of intimacy once lacing our brittle tired bones
Is it the feeling or just familiarity I chase?
All I know is functions halt when I'm on my own
Unsure if I can survive without you by my side
Whether its your soul or simply your presence I need
Or something else all together I can't decide
I was not clingy until you carried me on your back
Was not jealous before I discovered your power
One glance leaves head dizzy, drawing in with your charm
Emotions grow wild, stronger by the hour
So I'm stuck here stumbling mumbling incoherently
Staggering zig-zagging directions soaked
Love left me beaten, too ****** up to form a sane thought
Mental state disturbed by the lies on which I choked
Conscience becoming numb, withdrawn into my shell
Long to close eyes for a semi-permanent sleep
I've not yet felt such emptiness before
An old hole reopens for each promise you failed to keep
Hopefully this will be enough
To secure chains constricting my heart
Lift the veil so my stubborn eyes can see next time
Stop the flood of high-pressure emotions before they can start
How did we get here?
Somehow we came undone
So busy trying to fix you
Didn't see us breaking crumb by crumb
Pain is subjective,
Physical and emotional,
Pain can be:
Dull,pins and needles,
Pain can cause:
Fear,stress ,anxiety and even depression.
Pain is what an individual patient experiences and feels,
No one can suffer your pain for you,
Others can only sympathize or pray for you.
Throbbing jawbone aches
Such excruciating pain
Leaves me motionless
My jaw and teeth hurt so bad... I get my wisdom teeth taken out 5/24. I'm scared but at this point anything would be better.
Opening day at the zoo.
Animals chaotically placed in close corridors. Running and hiding in careless confusion. Spilt ideas, half born essays, crushed cans of yerba mate.
Brimming. Searching ceaselessly for substance and student IDs.
Rushing through the discord.
Trying to arrive.
Glassy eyes reflecting reading assignments, brains turned garbage disposal. Grinding--
like raw meat. Turning words into better words. Like turning an animal into a meal--
we disguise our suffering with flavor.
Papers being born. Assignments raised out of infancy.
Nurturing our young into society.
Rushing across red hallways,
carpet stained with stress sweat and spilled coffee,
a cacophony of containment.
Clusters and Clusters and Clusters. Low whispers and loud yawns.
The heart is throbbing.
It is a heartthrob’s way
“I’d rather have noone than to not have you”
The truth is
That unless the other person
Wants you too
Then you're just spending time
On a beach by yourself
Watching the waves crash on by
Never surfing yourself
What is life?
If not lived
While you still have your health?
It is a heartthrob’s way
So I say
The classic battle which some would call a tug of war.
It keeps creeping in
Indulging in every cell
Deep within me.
What freedom do I have now?
When all I can ever do
The days down.
What did I ever do
*To deserve this pain
*That’s been haunting me
— The End —